Just say know - talking to your kids about drugs

And you're talking! You know that there were kids at this party doing whippets. (What are whippets? Do I want to know?)

Argh, I'm not really looking forward to teenagerhood. The whole thing of having to let go and letting them learn their own lessons and doing a lot of hoping that the lesson-learning goes smoothly. I hope I still know y'all to help me get through that...

We do talk a lot. That's why I felt I could be honest with them about my experiences. I expect they will each be faced with tremendous peer pressure to use drugs. I'm just hoping that knowing the experience isn't always innocent will be in the back of their minds as they make their decisions.

K is surrounded by druggies at school. One of her closest friends from middle school is now heavily involved in drugs. K worries about her but has started to distance herself from the other girl a bit. She doesn't hang out with this girl outside of school anymore because she doesn't want to sit around a get stoned every afternoon.

whippits is inhaling nitrous oxide from cans of whipped cream. I'm not sure of the details but it's a common first experience around here.

Just a point... and obviously my perspective as a parent is limited.... but my perspective as a Drugs Ed teacher for the 9th Grade is pretty damn good! One of the first things we learnt during training was to present the class with the good as well as the bad. Because of our age, the kids know that we're likely to have encountered stuff - so we get more respect. But half the respect comes from them seeing us tell them the good side to each drug as well as the bad - why people take them in the first place. If you just present one side of the story, your kid will notice and react accordingly

That's a good point. I think I actually had a pretty good education about drugs in my Health class in high school. We talked about them scientifically. We studied uppers and downers, chemical composition, what specifically they did to the body that caused the high feeling, long term effects, tolerance, and all sorts of things, all very objectively. There was no "just say no" back then. I would like something like that for my kids when they get to be that age.

Yep, I agree. It's a lot more important to be realistic than to just try to scare 'em -- the scary info can be part of all of the info, but if they only hear bad bad bad and then try something or hear about it from someone they trust, and it's not all bad bad bad, then they're a lot more likely to discount whatever good info was mixed in with all the bad bad badness.

Hi Bekaboo! Thanks for joining the thread. A drug ed teacher for the 9th grade? My heart goes out to you.

That is a really good point. I agree that you shut kids off when you just lay down the law with no explaination. A lot of kids will try drugs, and they'll like them, and they'll think their parents are positively clueless if they've just heard the horror stories.

It's like J_B said, she delivered her horror story within a "been there, done that, learned this" frame. And she's approaching this conversation differently with each kid because each kid is different. It has to be hard to meet with a class of 30 kids and impart information that reaches all of them. It sounds like you run a good program and I thank you for that!

Hehe yeh there's this initiative in the county called peer training. The basic idea is i'm 17, they see me around school and i'm not a teacher. They're far more likely to listen to me than a teacher, i don't have any protocol about telling someone higher up if i hear something and they'll actually talk to me about use and abuse... so i get properly trained up It's scary stuff but all good fun!

Oh, that sounds like a fantastic idea.

Here is a good guide to the ups and downs of drugs.

I don't have kids so I can't entirely relate but my father was forthcoming with his own experiences albeit toned down a bit. He told of experiences when he hitchhiked to Haight-Asbury in the 60's and good times but also told of friends lost to drugs.

I think showing both sides of the coin is a good way to present it.

K came home from school today and said her friend was arrested at school and led off in handcuffs. The school policy is to make these things as public as possible as an example for the other kids. It's very sad, she's a nice girl who simply got screwed up with drugs. I hope she takes this as an opportunity to turn things around. Tonight at dinner K told me the story of my friend who died has kept her from getting involved with drugs even though many of her friends from last year have started experimenting. Watching her friend be led off in handcuffs will stick with her for a long time too.

I'm debating whether to call the parents in a few days. We weren't friends exactly, more like friendly because our children were friends. I know they need some time to figure out what to do but I thought I should call the mom just to give her a chance to talk if she needs it.

It's very fine of you to open yourself to the parents of the girl who was arrested. They may not want to talk but at least you made the offer. That is the absolute very best that you can do.

I agree with Eoe. Call.

Those parents are undoubtedly finding it very difficult to love their daughter right now. They are also feeling very inept as parents.

You may not be warmly welcomed, but you'll be a bit of sanity in the family turmoil.

I agree with the Exit in Handcuffs policy. Grownup Games earn Grownup Consequences. I'm old-fashioned enough to think that when all else has failed a little shame can work wonders.

I think calling the parents is a good idea too. They're probably getting calls from every busy-body associated with the school and having someone call to say they know and like their daughter would probably be a wonderful thing to hear.

The hand cuff thing..... I'm not real sure about that. The parents are surely humiliated but the girl might have entered the realm of "totally cool" among the druggy kids at school. I remember things like this when the kid became kind of a folk hero within the school.

I don't know....

That is a good link, sublime. Very informative. Thanks!

Yeah. The other thing I was thinking about the handcuffs is that if the shame part works, it might work too well -- if she exits thinking, "I'm an absolutely horrible lowlife failure, my life as a normal person is over", I think it's that much more likely that she'll go ahead and escalate -- what does she have to lose? She might self-identify with the real baddies, the ones who do even harder drugs and are violent and steal and such.

J_B, I think it's very nice of you to think of the parents of this girl.

Hope things work out for her.

Of course all children are different.

As a rule, I've found with teenagers sampling the counter-culture that they embrace the glamour and the "wickedness" but are remarkably unaware of unfortunate results--until the results happen.

I regret the days when the school stood in loco parentis and decisions on discipline were made on a case-by-case basis.

Unfortunately kids from "good families" often received kinder treatment than "vocational" students. When the sue mentality came into the picture, school systems were forced to codify discipline--one rule for all.

J_B. commented:



She was also a "nice girl" who attempted to share her new hobby with other "nice girls".

With this in mind, I see why the high school policy includes handcuffs.


Also, many parents will smile indulgently and say , "All kids experiment with drugs." The handcuffs may convince the parents that getting stoned every afternoon (and finding the money to pay for the party) is serious business.

Probably a little off your subject my my 11 year old sister admitted to me that one or two of her friends smoke pot!! i was shocked!!

Those are excellent points, Noddy. I think the hand cuffs are a good idea too because there is a place for shame.

I just worry that such a policy can backfire, too.

My niece had terrible problems with drugs starting in high school. Her first bust gave her instant credability among her peers. Her subsequent stints in rehab added to her status as she shirked off all she had "learned" the minute she walked out the door.

It wasn't until my sister decided that just leaving her in jail after one bust that anything started to change.

But finally it did change. And she grew up to become that nice girl she had once been.

So yes, I do agree that real consequences can help and that shame can play a part in that.

Thanks for all your comments and continued discussion. I'm going to drive over on Sunday or Monday, after the dust settles, and give the mom a hug. We'll see what happens after that. I've dropped by before when they were having troubles so it isn't unprecedented.

There are two sides of the effect on how the school handles it. One is the effect on the girl with her self respect, standing with her druggie friends, and standing with her parents (all probably in conflict). The other is the effect on those who witnessed the event but are not participating or casually participating in the drug activities. I know some of the kids who thought it was cool will think twice now.

Noddy is right about her activities not being done in a vacuum. She did share/sell her goodies with others, who in turn shared/sold to others. K was offered some earlier in the day as were a number of other girls. There is also a possibility that the money K had stolen from her wallet a few weeks back was taken by this girl (discussed in the teen thread). There's no proof, but she did have access to K's backpack.