How Can I Best Help My Friend

Not an easy task you've assigned yourself, doglover.
Kudos for wanting to be there to help.

The only thing I know is that quitting doesn't seem to have a one approach works for everyone answer.

I know we've had at least one major thread on AA and sobriety here. Mulling <trying to remember the forum it was in>.

Gee thee to a local AL-ANON meeting. They can best explain what works and what doesn't. If you have decided to get involved with this person and his problem you will need the extra help.

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My best friend is an alcoholic. I have confronted her about her drinking. I have told her how she is hurting her family (her youngest daughter in particular) and her friendships. I have told her that I don't want to be around her when she's drinking -- and I WON'T put up with it anymore. These confrontations had NO EFFECT on her drinking.

My friend has never (and probably will never) admit that she's an alcoholic in the "ordinary sense." She tries to minimize her outrageous drinking bouts with, "sometimes, I just feel like crawling into the bottle."

When my friend's 13 year old daughter told her how much the drinking binges had hurt her over the years, my friend finally stopped drinking and they went into family counseling. (Or at least I think she stopped . . . maybe she's just better at hiding it.)

The one thing I learned, having a dear friend as an alcoholic, is that I CANNOT enable that destructive behavior. In the past, when she would show up at my door drunk as a skunk, I would invite her in, listen to her nonstop drunken ranting, try to serve her coffee, and arrange her safe transportation home. TODAY, if she ever showed up drunk at my door . . . I would call the police and report her driving under the influence. SERIOUSLY.

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I wish I could give you better "insight" on how to help your friend. It's an issue that I have struggled with for many years and I ended up distancing myself from the friendship because I couldn't stand her drinking anymore.

Our friendship is finally back on track . . . it was hard for a couple of years when we had little contact. We both missed our friendship and have shed a lot of tears.

I hope, for the sake of himself and everyone who cares for him, that your friend is able to conquer those demons that drive him to drink.

Best wishes!

Trolling for men?
Not sure where that comment came from but I think that rather than question someone's friendship, look to what they are asking. They are asking for help in helping a friend beat an addiction. I could care less if it's a wild, heated sexual affair that they are in because the bottom line is that someone needs help and she wants to help him.

That being said, doglover, I think the distance of separation that exists between the two of you will be a problem. Yes, you can offer support but a person trying to beat something like that also needs accountability, accountability, accountability, and they need it close by. Someone else suggested ALANON or AA. These venues will provide friendships, which result in accountability. It's too easy to make excuses for taking another drink if no one is there to say, "Hey, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Caring for someone does NOT mean allowing them to continue their destructive behavior while being condescending. TOUGH LOVE is what some people need and that is difficult thing to give someone sometimes because it can cause a lot of heartache while you're waiting for the other person to come to their senses.

I wish you the very best. If your friend really wants to quit, don't cut him any slack. You can be compassionate while being firm. In fact, your compassion should drive you to do what it takes to see your friend come out a winner. The methodology is the tough part and I hope you find some great resources to help you along the way. Call some of the substance abuse places nearby and see if they have information on how to help someone in that position. Just don't get sucked into a relationship of codependency. That's a topic for another thread.

Good day!

Mikey