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Guilt Ridden Shame - I masturbated over the thought of children

 
 
Reply Fri 8 Jun, 2018 07:40 am
Hi everyone about 6 months ago I got POCD. Which if you didn't know, was the irrational fear and obsession that you are becoming a paedophile.

My body would have urges to masturbate over the mental images of children (8 years + usually). This lasted for about three months from the start and then my usual sexual preferences returned and I didn't have to do this to get rid of my urges.

3 months on from this and I feel so guilty about doing it. It was completely against my moral value and for some reason I feel guilty about it even though I've hurt no one.

I feel like I need to tell everyone I meet and then the thought rushes through my head 'they'd think I was weird and never talk to me again' or 'they'd think I'm a freak'

It's starting to ruin friendships because I don't feel worthy enough to hang out with anyone. I'd also like to make a note that I have never ever viewed child pornography, or been involved sexually with anyone under the age of consent.

The feeling of guilt is killing me and I feel like I'm keeping a secret. Why can't I just forget about it?

Thanks Peeps.
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Type: Question • Score: 0 • Views: 686 • Replies: 4
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jespah
 
  2  
Reply Fri 8 Jun, 2018 07:59 am
@Yellowbasket24,
Counseling. You've needed it for at least 6 months if not longer.

Go to counseling. Go directly to counseling. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.
Yellowbasket24
 
  1  
Reply Fri 8 Jun, 2018 08:52 am
@jespah,
Yeah thanks i'm perfectly aware that's the case and I've got it booked in for next week!
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Yellowbasket24
 
  1  
Reply Fri 8 Jun, 2018 08:56 am
@jespah,
I was kind of looking for something more than that. I'm aware that I need counseling but what I'm struggling to get my head around it why I feel guilty about it. I haven't done anything wrong. Why can't I just forget about the 3 months Sad
oralloy
 
  1  
Reply Fri 8 Jun, 2018 09:25 am
@Yellowbasket24,
Yellowbasket24 wrote:
I was kind of looking for something more than that. I'm aware that I need counseling but what I'm struggling to get my head around it why I feel guilty about it. I haven't done anything wrong.
I think it's a matter of none of us having any idea even where to begin offering advice about a problem like this. The only thing we know to do is direct you to a professional who has enough expertise to provide the help that we can't.

Yellowbasket24 wrote:
Why can't I just forget about the 3 months Sad
To be blunt, it's because only the counselor has the expertise to help you with that, and you haven't been to see him or her yet.
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