When is it cheating?

Just my view but.. If it's being done and the person knows that it would hurt the other then it's cheating.

But.. You say you are divorced now. Why let this get to you at this point? It's over and the relationship is done with.

It's not considered cheating if you spread peanut butter all over your testicles and have your dog lick it off... Why?..............


because it's YOUR dog

I would strongly consider that cheating.

mikegt_98- Welcome to A2K!



I don't think that the kissing was the problem. Obviously there were many other difficulties in your marriage. It is really hard to say whether I would consider kissing cheating or not. Ot would really have to do with the circumstances, and the motivations of both parties involved. It is just not a cut and dry situation.

The marriage is over -- she's not your wife anymore. I suspect, if your ex-wife was truly happy in the marriage, the two kissing incidents would not have happened.

It is common, when relationships go bad, for the people involved to lay the fault at the other person's door. Even AFTER your divorce, you appear to want validation. You want her to be the one at fault -- i.e., she was a cheater.

But, it's not so simple. I think you're agonizing over a detail that serves little purpose. Rather than look at *what* she did and labeling it wrong, you should be looking at *why* she did it.

I know your feelings are injured, but the marriage is over. It's time to forgive past transgressions and engage in SELF-evaluation. What can you learn from past mistakes and what can YOU do to build better, healthier relationships in the future?

Take a look:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/


Best wishes.

If it was a lip-locking kiss, then absolutely it was cheating. Peck on the cheek from a close friend....not cheating.

Personally, as much as I enjoy flirting, I would never ever consider kissing another woman on the lips because I know it would hurt my wife for me to do so, whether it is considered cheating or not. And I am sure my wife would feel the same about kissing another guy. I firmly believe that for a marriage to succeed, the other person's feelings and happiness have to be placed above all else.

Of course, now that you are divorced (or getting a divorce, not sure based on your post) I guess this is a moot point except for future reference. But I hope her planting a kiss on someone else was not the only issue that led you two to seperate. Sounds like it wasn't. Good luck to you.

Mike....I am very sorry to hear about the dissolution of your marriage. Debra Law has posted a link to a place called MarriageBuilders.com and that is a wonderful site and I have used it time and time again. I can't thank you enough Debra for that!)

The loss of your marriage, the loss of your partner is incredibly devastating no matter how prepared we are for it. But as Debra states, there is really no point in finding fault with either of you separately about who was to blame, but rather step back and look at the overall situation and how each of you were accountable or responsible.

The steps now are to move beyond the past by taking the time needed to heal yourself from the trauma. True, a broken bone will men itself on its own without proper care, but it will probably not heal properly to become stronger than before. Likewise a broken heart may heal properly on its own, but sometimes, it too, requires outside assistance to heal stronger than before.

Debra's recommended site as well as a book I can recommend, both might be useful to you.

"Starting Over" by John Gray. Five it a looksee, visit Debra's site and let us know how you are doing. We are here for you anytime.

Good luck and bless you new friend.

Is flirting cheating?
I recently have been having problems with trusting my fiance' Weeks ago I found out he had created an email address that I did not know about. I confronted him about it and after repeatedly asking him he finally told me that he had created it because he just wanted to have someone to talk too. He broke his hand a month prior to this and he was stuck at home all day without doing anything. I guess he felt bored. He also confessed that he had given it to a women he met on a flight. He said that during the flight she send him a note stating that she was just a lonely gril looking for a place to sit and if he had any ideas. His response to her was it's your lucky day!.He said that a male flight attendant had alot to do with it...he was the one that was taking the note back and forth and also asked him if they had exchanged phone #'s. He said he thought about the email he had recently created and quickly wrote it down on a napkin and gave it to the flight attendant to give to her.
He said that after the note episode he talked to her when he got up to go to the bathroom and nothing was ever said about the note. They talked about work. I have been checking he's email and she has not responded. Should I trust him?

aivle--

No. Call off the wedding. Wash that man right out of your hair. The only thing worse than a cheating fiance--which is what you have--is a cheating husband, who is the father of your children.

Cut your losses. Trust me girl!

Cheating is when you engage in any activity with a member of the opposite sex (if you're hetero), which you try to hide from your SO.

Yep, I'm with Lash. I would lose him ASAP and count your blessings that you didn't find out after you were married.

I feel your pain.

(((Hugs))))

It's cheating. Stick a fork in her, she's done. Now you have to decide what to do. This doesn't always have to lead to divorce, but I would strongly urge you to seek couple's counseling if only to establish the parameters of your marriage. Hopefully you will get more out of counseling than that, and I wish you well and will hope for the best.

How would you feel about this after the wedding? Unless you plan on accepting this behavior as his wife you shouldn't accept it as his fiance.

cheating
Aivle I wouldnt trust him. I'm married and my husbands friend who I have also been friends with now for 10 years was hitting on me and hes married to a friend that I introduced him to. He created a separate email account that his wife doesnt know about so he can email me. He gave his password to her on the one she does know about b/c she didnt trust him. And she was right. He continues to send emails to me and keeps it secret.

Dump him

JB, I'm not sure if your question is for me or the author of this thread. First of all, I misunderstood and thought they were already married. If it was my fiance, I think I would want to walk away from it. I have been married 26 years and wouldn't dream of even the appearance of engaging in illicit behaviour because I could never hurt my husband like that. I'm about as sure as any one can be that my husband has remained faithful to his vows as well. All that being said, I would have to think long and hard before I would be willing to give up on my marriage. But it would have to be based on the seriousness of a betrayal and whether or not I could trust again. There is a world of difference between forgiving a spouse for a kiss and forgiving them for fathering a child with another woman. But back to the original query, if these folks aren't married, it doesn't look like they are off to a good start. Personally, I would rather live by myself than live with someone I didn't trust.

Trust?

Why are you reading his emails?