Let's talk about sex, baby.

Well I started when my young boy was potty training as he watched his papa do this deeds. Explained more as he matured and I'd say that he might have know about the full meal deal by 7th grade if I can recall he's 19 now, we're pretty comfortable with talking about sex and relationships - I've been grooming or teaching if you will lots of different things about human behavior since he was a little guy.

My daughter on the other hand - well mom's not as successful or comfortable at this as I was - I try and talk about the monthly cycle and all but - you know I'm not sure it's really dad approriate to get in those details - I do re-inforce how guys ought to be treating here and what I expect - and sort of see those mistakes I've make with your mom - do you want that? (leaving opening for blushing by me)

0 Replies

I don't normally watch Oprah but the Parent Network at our school sent home something that said she was going to be having a show on teenage sex so I watched that day.

She had a group of middle school (7th and 8th grade) girls on the show and asked how many of them were sexually active (a few hands). Then she asked how many of them participated in oral sex (many hands) and giving hand jobs (most of them). They did not consider blow jobs and hand jobs to be sex and those that hadn't had vaginal intercourse did not consider themselves sexually active. When asked why they did these things they gave answers such as, "The boys want me to.", or "I won't be popular if I don't." When she asked them if they thought the boys respected them as individuals they all said yes. It was an 'everybody does it, it's no big deal' attitude.

Then she brought out the boys and had the girls go into a back room where they could here and see everything the boys were saying, but the boys didn't know they could. When she asked them why they did it they gave answers like, "it feels good" and "why not", duh? Then she asked them if they thought of these girls as girlfriends (no), would them invite them home to meet their parents (no), would they invite them to the prom or a special event (no).

The camera was split on the girls and the boys. As the girls listened to the boys describe them as 'pleasure tools', not people, they became very angry. I have no idea if any of them changed their actions but I think it was a valuable lesson.

0 Replies

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Yesteday's visit by Mo's grandparents sapped all of my conversational skills and today I've been "Look! Look! Look!"ing at Mo's newly developed skill of self propelled swinging.

I'm gonna go catch up.....

0 Replies

squinney, its cool that Bear joined into the conversation without ducking into another room - that says a lot right there about how the daily stuff matters.

I think it is very important for kids to see their parents be affectionate with one another - the holding hands, the goodbye kiss. When I was a kid my dad traveled a lot, with four kids at home life was pretty stressfull for mom. It was always so reassuring when dad came home and whisked her into his arms before greeting us.

eBeth, I can't even imagine what it must seem like to look at these things from outside the U.S. One the one hand it's hypersexualized and on the other there are all the "sex is bad" messages. Just think of the furor over Janet Jackson's nipple and compare that to 90% of the perfume ads you see and then think about John Ashcroft covering the statue of Justice because it showed her boobs.

What a mixed up country!

0 Replies

I've never thought about the egg thing in that way either. Thats a really good way to get a kid to think about taking care of their body which is, of course, a big part of sex ed.

Eva, I think its your mom's type of not necessarily wrong but so totally incomplete information that causes a lot of confusion for kids. Judging by the statistics I clipped from the essay in my first post, there is a lot of confusion about sex. It seems that the information kids are being given at school isn't much better than "they face each other and their bodies fit together".

0 Replies

Thanks husker, for jumping into this thread. It's great to hear a man's perspective.

I think it would be very difficult for a dad to explain periods to their daughters. I always chose women doctors just because you don't have to explain so much. I know men understand it physiologically but really its kind of one of those things you have to experience to understand.

You remind me of my brother telling me about the talks he has had with his daughter about how boys should treat girls. Thats a nice lesson to learn from your dad.

Mr. B handles most of that boy stuff with Mo and boyoboy does Mo ever take pride in his wonderful little body!

J_B, I'll bet that was an interesting Oprah. Did your kids watch it with you? Did you discuss it with them? It sounds like a great way to open the door to discussion.

0 Replies

I did talk to the girls about it. We have many such 'teaching moments'. I'll say something like, "I read/heard/saw something today that I want to talk to you about." They sort of roll their eyes but they always seem to listen and participate in the discussion. The topics go both ways, not just things I want to make sure they don't do, but also things that teens have done that make a difference.

My 14 year old daughter is in high school now and is witnessing every imaginable option of things we do and don't want them to do. The peer pressure is tremendous, as is the need to feel independent. It's a tough time for the kids and the parents.

0 Replies

As someone who is fractionally older than most here on a2k, but - the news - not that much older, some of ya will be here soon, I must say that things can be different overall within a few years.

I was 12 in 1954, the year of Rock around the Clock, and 26 in '68.

I was awake and living in the sixties and seventies, and later.

But.. my mother never ever spoke to me of sex, except once, I think she asked if we had a lecture at school - I forget how she framed that, but simply, as in "did you have a hygiene lecture?" though those might not have been her exact words. I sympathize with her more now, giant years later, than I did shortly thereafter.

I was taught, in my sophomore religion class, by an older nun, that giving in to enjoying relations in marriage was a sin. Though even we, in that class - not we, I had no clue, but others scoffed. Small rebellion.

Those were some years, as not only myself but the world around me got more and more interested and questioning.

The simplicity of the joy of questioning, taken so for granted in so many places now, was not so simple in, say, 1959.

I speak of mid US, an irish catholic small family, something of a microcosm. By the early seventies, a lot of us were acting out. I enjoyed it all - mostly, am not sorry.

While some acted out, to follow a phrase, others missed it all, carried the line of 'don't'.

Some of those acted out in eighties...

0 Replies

How did I miss this thread? Great topic boomerang!

My daughter is now 9 years old and she knows about
sex, menstruation, pregnancy and childbirth. A couple
of years ago I got this cute sex education video in Germany.
With cartoon characters and very understandable language the
video shows how the "birds and bees" do it.

Little Jane has seen the video numerous times and we've had
some interesting conversation resulting from that. Sometime later
she'll ask something out of the blue, and not necessarily
always at home either <sigh>

One time she was inquiring about breast feeding. She
wanted to know how long the babies are breast fed by their Mothers,
and I told her it depends: some babies drink their
Mothers' milk for weeks, some for several months,
and some for years. "Iiiiihhhhh" she said, "by then the milk must
be really sour" Mr. Green

We started fairly early with sex education, as my little
one is adopted and she asked questions concerning her
biological mother and how I would fit into the picture,
I explained to her that some kids are very lucky and
have more than one mother. If for some reason the bio
mother cannot take care of a baby or is very ill,
then another Mommy will be found for that baby and
she will love that baby so much and adopt it for the rest
of the childs life. This seemed logical to her and she
considers herself fortunate to have 2 mothers (although
we have no contact to any bio family members).

Despite the special circumstances with my daughter, I am a
firm believer in educating a child early enough and keep
up the conversation about sex and pregnancy, so it
becomes not something forbidden or exotic to a child.

Growing up in Europe, we have sex education fairly
early as part of our biology curriculum, and I remember
seeing a movie about sex and childbirth (I must have been around
12 years old then).

I feel, the better educated the children are, the better
choices they make.

0 Replies

Agree with all you said there and pleased for the wee Calamity, sounds good to me. Not that it is any of my business, but still, I am happy for you all.

0 Replies

Thank you osso, that's nice of you.
If we put it out in the open than it's
everybodys' business Smile

0 Replies

The old "close your eyes and think of England" gambit, huh, Osso?

Your post really harkens back to the essay that spraked this conversation - those who took virginity pledges were waiting about 18 months later to have sex than their counter parts who didn't sign.

"The simplicity of the joy of questioning, taken so for granted in so many places now, was not so simple in, say, 1959."

I'm not convinced that we've traveled very far from 1959....

0 Replies

Virginity pledge?
interesting.. what is that?
( well , it IS self explanitory.. hehe.. but where does this idea come from? was this a campaign in schools at sometime?)

0 Replies

I was hoping that you'd join in Calamity Jane and give us an adoptive parent's perspective on how you explained it to Jane the Younger.

Thank you!

You're so right - things we talk about when we're little are so much easier to talk about as we grow, proving that there is no wrong time to introduce age appropriate conversations about sex.

I was about 12 or 13, just hitting puberty and questioning sex when I learned in a very round-about fashion that my brother's mother had died in childbirth. I tried to ask about it but my parents would talk about it. I think this really influenced my decision not to have kids.

The only time I can really remember this being discussed openly is when my mother's father died. Her family failed to list my brother as a surviving family member. I don't think I have ever seen my mom so absolutely furious. She didn't speak to her family for years.

My father did talk to my brother about it and we knew many members of his mother's family. They were seamlessly integrated into our lives. When I found out who they really were I was puzzled for a long time.

Keeping secrets is a bad idea.

0 Replies

Related to boomer's original post in this thread, this was released recently ...

Quote:

Proponents claim parental notification is one way to promote abstinence and prevent teen pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections.

Critics, including several professional medical organizations, argue that such laws will have the opposite effect because many teens will be unable to get effective birth control. In addition, they argue, teenagers may be unwilling to go to the doctor when they have a health problem out of fear their parents will be told.

Last month, a study of U.S. girls attending family planning clinics found that many said that if a parental notification law were enacted, they would switch to over-the-counter birth control methods such as condoms. Some said they would use no contraception at all, while 7 percent said they would stop having sex.

Little, however, has been known about what parents think about these laws, according to Dr. Marla E. Eisenberg of the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis.

To find out, she and her colleagues surveyed 1,069 parents with children between the ages of 13 and 17. They asked mothers and fathers what they thought about policies that allow minors to get contraceptives from a clinic without parental consent, and what they thought about parental notification laws.

The results revealed a range of sometimes conflicting viewpoints. Overall, 49 percent of parents thought minors should be able to obtain contraceptives without consent, but 55 percent saw parental notification laws as a "good idea." Some parents who said underage children should be able to obtain birth control without a parent's consent also thought notification laws were a good idea.

"Our findings definitely suggest that parents have complex feelings about parental notification laws," Eisenberg told Reuters Health.

She noted that although half of the parents liked the idea of these laws, the great majority -- 96 percent -- anticipated at least one negative outcome, such as increases in teen pregnancy or STDs.

In addition, three-quarters believed teens would simply turn to birth control methods that don't require a doctor's visit, and few parents believed a notification law would encourage abstinence or cause teens to have less sex.

Parents See Pros, Cons to Notification Laws

0 Replies

Did you know that birthcontrol is not covered by medical insurance? And that Viagra IS?
assbackwards, you ask me

0 Replies

That study makes sense -- a lot of people realize that notification laws would cause problems, but when they ask themselves, "would I like to know if my kid is having sex?" the answer is "yes!!" Kind of like how people who know what a healthy diet is would do when faced with a fudge sundae. Knowing the right thing to do isn't enough to cancel out the strong desire.

(I'm against parental notification laws. I was able to talk to my mom about it, she paid for it and everything, hope my daughter will be able to talk to me about it. But don't think there should be laws.)

That's so dumb about bc/ Viagra, I agree, shewolf.

0 Replies

I agree there with the notification laws. As if our teenagers didnt feel enough pressure, why put a law in place that may scare away the SMARTER ones by making them tell thier parents that they are protecting themselves?
YEAH! i would want to know too.... BUT.. if I could sacrifice the knowledge of my child being sexually active for knowing she is taking charge and taking care of herself.. I think I would. I dont think that I would push for a law that says" you have to have parental concent to attend this class... get this b/c pill etc"
Teenagers and young adults are allowed thier sexual privacy as well as we adults are. If we treat them like they are not capable of making decisions about b/c on thier own, then they will act as though they cant and not use it.

0 Replies

many insurance companies have recently started covering bcp because of the outcry of having Viagra covered. My prescription was covered for the last three years but the coverage was almost nothing unless you chose the generic.

0 Replies

I think the whole debate over notification laws really points out the need for parents to be able to discuss sex openly with their children.

I would most certainly want to know if my child was having sex. Let's face it, pregancy is really the not the biggest worry in the age of AIDS. I would imagine that a girl using birth control pills would be less likely to insist that her partner use a condom (but I could be wrong).

These notification laws are all directed at girls and that kind of bothers me. Boys are involved here too -- how do we make sure that they are "invested" in this situation?

And really, wouldn't you want to know if a doctor were prescribing your child medication. Some people have very adverse reactions to birth control. If a parent is unaware that their child is using birth control are they going to be able to respond adequately if there is a problem?

Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't the "morning after pill" a one dose deal? It seems to me that having those accessable along with condoms.

0 Replies

Let's talk about sex, baby.

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know