Addicted to porn....and I hate myself for it

Get dialup internet like me!

Talk to your girlfriend. Not necessarily about the porn, but about why you're having trouble climaxing. And see if she has any suggestions. It's possible for couples to watch porn together, but it doesn't just have to be about porn, of course. How about a visual, say, a strip tease or something of the sort? You may find that having the visual in the flesh, as it were, is far more stimulating than any magazine or film. Or it may be that you, on some level, want the relationship to be more intimate or more long-term before you can really let yourself go.

And another option is to speak with a professional. Perhaps there is something in your relationship, or in your background, which is making you hold back. It may not be porn at all -- or not much -- it may be more that you have feelings of shame, or you may be, on some level, concerned that you will hurt her. But I'm not a professional, and the best person to talk to about this, of course, is.

Best of luck to you and your girlfriend, and welcome to A2K.

I think that your best bet is to speak to a counsellor about this, because it becomes a problem when you prefer porn to a real person, and if it starts to interfere with daily activities. It'd be one thing if you just looked at it a lot, but still could go about living a normal life with no problems, but from what you're saying, it seems like you can't have a normal sex life without porn, and that's not healthy.

Porn is like a drug and it falls into the realm of the law of diminishing returns. Your post confirms that. Playboy was titillating as a young kid, then it was Hustler so we could see some "pink", and then it was something else so we could see some penetration and then it had to be video. Pretty soon it'll turn into something else because you're still seeking that initial high you once had. Trust me, you won't reach it. You're robbing yourself and your girlfriend of the pleasure of intimacy because she will never be able to replace what your mind is seeing in hardcore porn. It will continue to desensitize you until it destroys your ability to perform sexually because "normal" sexual relations don't let you meet the need that the porn has created. It continues to create a larger and larger void in your psyche. Do yourself a favor and get away from it. Let the love of your life get you hot and bothered....not some fantasy crap on a computer monitor.

Good day!

Mike

Welcome to A2K Mike the photoman!

I think your thoughts are right on the money! Porn does not equate to intimacy. Porn does not equate to love. Some porn, in and of itself can be a catalyst for desire when viewed with your partner whom you want to be intimate and loving with. It can never be a substitute for.

In addition to what photoman has said so well, I would also follow the advice of some of the others here who have suggested some addiction counseling. Under very rare circumstances can one addicted to anything, break that addiction on their own, mostly because they themselves don't know the motivations behind it.

I admire your courage, addicted, to see that you are realizing that your addiction is more than just a passing fancy and that you are truly addicted. Please honour yourself and your girlfriend by seeking out some professional therapy.

The very, very best of luck to you and your loved one....

I agree with Lady J when she said you are very couragous for realizing what is happeneing to you and taking the first step to solving the problem.

Porn is fun. Porn is great. Porn should turn you on. Porn should NEVER take the place of a real person.

If that is what is happening to you, (which it sounds like it is) then you need to get some help. Watching porn and liking porn is totally normal. Not being able to get turned on and/or climax when an actual flesh and blood woman is there because she isn't porn, is not normal.

Get help before it's too late. Good luck!

You have a more serious issue upon you, fornication, so stop doing that and worry about the lesser issue later.

There is a group called Sex Addicts Anonomous, its just like AA, only for sex, you might want to look into it.

I've read that porn feeds the male desire to "collect" women that is at constant odds with the natural drive, and societal expectation of monogomy. Did you ind that you're porn consumption increased after you entered into a monogomous relationship.

In any case, porn feeds both a mental and physical pleasure response, so there is no doubt that it can be addictive. I'm curious as to whether people think that watching porn alone has any place at all in an exclusive relationship. My wife thinks watching porn alone is dishonest and akin to some low level on infidelity. Its hard to defend solo porn watching, so I just rolled over on this one. Do people think its OK, normal, or both?

Mit, just type porn in the search and you will find tons of posts on your question.

Tough problem/brave guy

porn addiction
brother its hard .I know what your going through.I got a very strong desire also.Its kind of like a fire.The more you consume it the more the fire grows.I was also exposed to it at a young age.Read Napolean hills book"Think and grow rich"He tells about sex and that the physical part of sex is like a tip of the iceberg.That sex goes beyond just the physical part,that it flows turough lyrics and manners and giving compliment to the other person.Dressing and colonge and manners.I guess I probably didnt sum it up like napolean did but its close to what he states.Im good looking and its hard to get my mind off of looking at some lady in a lustful way.Its toughj but good luck and maybe we will both prevail in thinking about women as ladies and not the floosies you see in porn. John

I've been fond of porn also and I don't think that there's anything wrong with that as long as it doesn't become and addiction. My suggestion would not be to stop watching it definitely, decrease your exposure by finding out another hobbies (i.e. books, non porn movies, sports, etc), 'cause if you stop watching it completely you're going to last like a couple of weeks before turning to it like a maniac.

Why not make a porn movie of yourselves - see if that gets you off - throw a rug in front of the tv/vcr/movie cam etc...

don't go hard-stop.
ease it off. if you're doing it daily, do it once every 2 days, then after say, 2 weeks, do it every 4 days. then you'll be off it. and slowly delete all the crap off your 'puter and get your g/f to put a password on the 'net.

OMG I havn't seen the word 'fornication' since I left the convent!

i used to loot at alot of porn, but then i got a girlfriend n stoped for a wihle, then i got married n still didnt have a need for porn. Then a few years later we started having problems n she stoped wanting to have sex, so i started looking at porn again. alot of it. Then one day she tells me shes not happy n might be moving out. That was such a shock to me that all my feelings of wanting to look at porn and have sex went away. I havent looked at porn ever since. and its been like over a month now.

I think I understand where this fellow is coming from! I have had a porn addiction before as well! in a perfect relationship, but anytime away from her I enjoyed looking at pornography...and I think what mit was saying was soooo right! like I mean I usually would have kept a file of all pictures of beautiful women I found..very disturbing when I think back to it! though its something well I guessed I weened myself away it didn't help that those sites were filled with viruses and it screwed my computer huge...

Get worse looking porn and a better looking girlfriend.

(just kiddin')