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Late Questioning

 
 
mparris
 
Reply Sat 7 Apr, 2018 06:20 pm
So, I am a 20 year old woman and I am having a hard time coming to terms with my sexual orientation and my "label." I personally consider myself bisexual. I have never considered myself as straight, and when I have told people I'm straight, it feels inherently wrong. I have exclusively dated men throughout my late adolescence into my 20's, but I never truly felt like that was truly "it" for me. I am not a super sexual being either, so the opportunity rarely arises for me to have sex with new people, although I am currently in a happy relationship with a man, and we do have sex. I have felt an attraction to women since puberty, and I did have a crush on my best friend in high school. Still, I don't feel incredibly "legitimate", I guess, because I have never had sex or a romantic relationship with a woman. Lately, I have not been able to stop thinking about this topic. I mean, does it make me an illegitimate queer person if I'm a cis woman who has only ever had sex with men? I am confused as to WHY I am confused as well. I was raised in a progressive household and I attend a college away from home that has a very welcoming, inclusive music department, where I spend all of my time as a voice major. My friends are all very kind, as well. I don't know why I can't come out to anyone- I think maybe I feel guilty because I haven't had a relationship with a woman. But then again, I knew I was attracted to men before I ever had a relationship or sex with a man. I guess I'm scared of being perceived as illegitimate or a "wannabe" or as if I'm going through a phase, although a phase lasting from sixth grade until now seems a little extensive. If someone could just help me by adding your insight, I would really appreciate it. I have never posted on a forum before, but these thoughts have been bugging me nonstop so I figured it would help me to put them out into the universe instead of letting them build up in my brain.
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Sturgis
 
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Reply Sun 8 Apr, 2018 12:14 am
@mparris,
You are still young, life is a road filled with possibilities. For now, be who you are and love who you love, whether they are male or female. If you consider yourself bisexual then take that and wear it proudly. Not having ever been in a relationship with a woman doesn't take away from your inner feelings and desires. If a relationship is to occur with a woman, well then, it will.

As a gay man, I popped out of the closet at about 19. It did not at the time occur to me that I was perhaps not legitimate as a queer since I had limited experience with other men. I just knew and went with it. Not being a person to get involved in the usual social scene of bars or other dating venues, relationships have been few and for the most part not long lasting. (other than an unknown number of one nighters, the total count fits in one hand - including the thumb) This is admittedly somewhat by choice as I like alone time. The most important thing though, has been an inner peace and happiness of just allowing myself to be who I am and not be bothered by folks who have issues. Those are their issues, not mine. Similarly, if other people have issues because you have yet to be involved romantically with a woman, that is their issue, their problem, don't make it yours.

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