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Ok sorry it took me a while to write back.

Kicky- you asked what i meant when i said he hurt me emotionally. he went on for id say about a month in a half telling me that he loved me and this and that but when we broke up he said he didnt and hasnt for a while.

I know he cares for me. you can tell by the way he acts around me.

Concerning the"anger problem"-We worked at a summer camp where there were little kids running around. if he got fustrated he would go into the woods where no campers could see him and hit a tree with a bat. he did this basically because there was no punching bag there. No i dont think its abnormal to hit a tree with a bat when you are mad or fustrated as he was. do you think its abnormal to hit a punching bag if your upset?

the main reason he was upset all reason was because we though i might be pregnant. thankfully i wasnt but the thought scared us both. he was worried about both our futures and what our families would think.

Someone also wrote that they thought i had 3 boyfriends in the last 9 months. not true. ive had 2 in the last 8 months. both of which were rather serious when it came to how i felt. i didnt compare what one had to what the other did. i know what im looking for and i want to find it. i honestly thought this guy was something special. but like i think i said before i think the timing was just wrong.

Someone also said something about his parents. he has promised not to let them get involved and that he was going to do what he wanted when it came to us. he wasnt going to let them tell him who he can and cant date.

P.S. I have a question about my last topic. why did it get locked?

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I would suggest you take atleast a small breather from relationships just so you can sort out your feelings and catch your breath. I never thought it was a good idea to jump from one relationship to another too quickly.

The other thread was locked because some folks were arguing. The A2K staff will lock a thread if it gets too heated, just to give people time to cool off. The thread just needed a time out.

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Okay, kid, glad to see you back! Now, I'm getting a vibe here that you are both pretty young. What are you, both about 19 or 20?

His beating trees with a bat is pretty childish, but I also don't think it puts him automatically in the category of abuser. That's what got everybody so heated up in the last thread, I think.

But back to you. Here's the thing about promises...they are all bullshit. You mentioned that he hurt you before by telling you that he loved you and all that and then breaking up with you. And now he's promised not to hurt you again. That is meaningless. He can't promise you that, and you shouldn't be asking him to. When you go out with somebody and get close, there are no guarantees that you won't be hurt. You might get hurt. Just accept that, and move on.

I think you should forget about these guys for a little while and find someone new, or just be on your own for a little while, but if you really like this tree-beating guy, I think you should go out with him and just see where it goes. Just relax on the promises and take it a little slow. Have some fun.

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Oh, and if you're really worried about whether the tree-beater fits the desciption of a future abuser, then I'd say you should check out this thread.

It couldn't hurt to at least take a look.

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he's 18. im younger.

I know promises are bullsh*t and that you cant promise a relationship to work out but in many ways i think we both want it to. oh also i never forced him to promise me not to hurt me again. he knows he hurt me and he says that he never really wanted to leave me but the stress from his parent, school, football, etc. caused him to get confused in how he felt.

He was very involved in football and he said i was distracting him on the field. when he played he wasnt playing his fullest because he was thinking about me. BUT he wasnt blaming me for his poor playing. (says on the other thread you showed me that they can blame you. he wasnt.)

Now softball is starting and im going to be very consumed by that and i dont want the same thing to happen.

Honestly i feel really strong for him and i think he feels the same for me. you can tell, as i said before, by the way we acted around each other.

Another thing that helped cause us to break up was that People were talking sh*t to him. and he believed it. i never did any of the stuff they said.

Ive talked to some of my friends and some say go for it. Others that know both of us say dont. but those people either dont want ME with him or dont like him.

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Okay, well, now that more of this story is revealed, here's my revised advice. You're too young for all this crap. Go play softball, watch movies, hang out with your friends, and do something other than trying to get a boyfriend.

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Ocsoftballer--

You said:

Quote:

He was very involved in football and he said i was distracting him on the field. when he played he wasnt playing his fullest because he was thinking about me. BUT he wasnt blaming me for his poor playing. (says on the other thread you showed me that they can blame you. he wasnt.)

He was blaming you for "distracting him" but didn't hold you responsible for his poor playing? I'm an outsider and that doesn't make sense to me.

You both thought you might be pregnant and this distracted him on the field and he got mad about this and..... I'm an outsider--a much older outsider.

You are younger than 18--but in my old-fashioned books if you are sleeping with boyfriends you are engaged in adult behavior. Your life as an impregnable adult will be a lot easier if you swap reproductive cells with other adults, not with horny boys.

This guy is saying "Forgive me, forgive me. I was under pressure from the football team. I was under pressure from my parents. I really love you and only you--but pressure from the football team and my parents and the whole business of getting into college comes before you do."

1) Parents.

2) College plans.

3) Sports and sports loving buddies.

I don't know the real ranking of the first three items, but do you really want to be #4? Do you want to have a late period and have El Stud explain to you how a baby would mess up his life? Remember this is a guy who listened to gossip about you and chose to believe the gossip

He doesn't sound like Prince Charming to me.

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That guy seems way too immature for you. And by the way your are handling it, I am inclined to think that you may not be ready for the type of relationship you're trying to have with this boy. Almost getting pregnant should of really tought you a lesson. You're too young to take this high school relationship so serious.

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Very good on you to link that thread, Kicky.

Ocsoftballer, just so you know; Brooke is an expert on the subject of abuse, works at a shelter and has suffered the most tragic tale you can imagine. I'd lay money on it that she authored that thread specifically with you in mind, so you might want to pay her some mind. She's a super sweetheart who seemingly lives to help others.

I won't argue about it... but the more you tell us, the more that guy sounds like a potential disaster waiting to happen to someone.

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Noddy24 wrote:

Ocsoftballer--

You said:

Quote:
He was very involved in football and he said i was distracting him on the field. when he played he wasnt playing his fullest because he was thinking about me. BUT he wasnt blaming me for his poor playing. (says on the other thread you showed me that they can blame you. he wasnt.)

He was blaming you for "distracting him" but didn't hold you responsible for his poor playing? I'm an outsider and that doesn't make sense to me.

You both thought you might be pregnant and this distracted him on the field and he got mad about this and..... I'm an outsider--a much older outsider.

You are younger than 18--but in my old-fashioned books if you are sleeping with boyfriends you are engaged in adult behavior. Your life as an impregnable adult will be a lot easier if you swap reproductive cells with other adults, not with horny boys.

This guy is saying "Forgive me, forgive me. I was under pressure from the football team. I was under pressure from my parents. I really love you and only you--but pressure from the football team and my parents and the whole business of getting into college comes before you do."

1) Parents.

2) College plans.

3) Sports and sports loving buddies.

I don't know the real ranking of the first three items, but do you really want to be #4? Do you want to have a late period and have El Stud explain to you how a baby would mess up his life? Remember this is a guy who listened to gossip about you and chose to believe the gossip

He doesn't sound like Prince Charming to me.

After reading your last post, I agree copmpletely with Noddy. I would keep this guy in the past and move on.

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I completely agreed with Noddy too, but then I usually do.

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i re-read the stuff i wrote and i don't think it all came out the way i planned. i think it might be rater difficult to explain my situation in a way that other people that don't know us can understand.

i'd like to sincerely thank all of you for trying to help me out in this but i think i'm going to go with my gut instinct. I really do appreciate all your attempts to help.

I still haven't completely made up my mind about it but i think i'm going to try it and if it doesn't work out i'll just move on. I've realized from what many of you have said that i am young and have lots of time to find the right man for me. even thought i'd rather find him sooner than later i'm not going to rush it.

Thanks again.

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