What should I do?

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I broke up with my Boyfriend two sundays ago and now one of my exs' is taking the opurtinity to try to get me back. Last weekend i thought i wanted my most recent ex back but then he started being an a**hole so not i dont. I want to go back with the other guy but he hurt me bad once and im afraid he'll do it again. that and his parents dont exactly like me because of something that happened last summer while i was dating him. he says he wont let his parents get involved this time. they are the ones that tell him when he can go out and stuff so they would be controling when we can see each other.

when we broke up the last time it was because we went from not seeing each other enough to seeing each other every day and it just wasnt a good thing. that and some people started saying things that werent true and it caused him to get mad/upset with me.

He asked me what i didn't like about him. i thought about it but the only real thing i didnt like about him was he had a bit of an anger issue. when he got mad he would take it out on things. not people but like poles and hitting trees with a bat, chair, etc. that was the only thing i didnt like about him.

I think im just afraid to get hurt again. What should I do?

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don't go out with someone that hurts you. lol. thats obvious. Rolling Eyes

there are tons of males out there. a few hundred million in the united states. get someone that doesn't use violence as love Shocked

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he never ever physically hurt me. he hurt me emotionally. he says he wont this time but i dont know if i should believe him.

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Emotional, physical....besides the visibility of the bruises, they are very very similar....

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Hitting trees with bats? Shocked

Do you do that? Do you think that's normal? I'd err on the side of caution (if it's an error at all) and assume the inanimate objects he violently attacks are symbolic surrogates for those he really wants to (and likely one day will) strike out at. Steer clear when you see early signs of violent idiocy.

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I don't think that hitting inanimate objects is abnormal, and I definitely don't think it is a warning sign. He's probaby just young and a little bit immature. Not everything is a goddam warning sign that a guy is going to turn out to be an abuser.

When you say he hurt you, what do you mean, specifically, ocsoftballer? And how old are you?

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If I read correctly, it sounds as if you have had 3 boyfriends in the past 9 months or so? Why do you need a boyfriend at all? You said you just broke up with your current one only 2 Sundays ago and you are already looking for an ex or a new ne?

Nah...take some time off. Enjoy being unattached for awhile. Let the one you think you might like back (the one with the anger issues) that it may be possible in the future and see if he would be into taking any anger management classes. If he is all that and really wants you back, he may just do it and then....when he has done so and you have given yourself some time to actually breathe between boyfriends, you both might be ready to start again.....

Just a thought......

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i'd really like to know what percent of the population you guys think hit trees with bats in their free time. give me a figure.

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Good advice Lady J. I was going to say something similar.
When you date alot ( back to back I mean ) you tend to forget what YOU want because all you do is spend time comparing ex's and basically float from person to person looking for what the last done didnt have.
sometimes what the last one did/did not have has NOTHING to do with what YOU want.
Being single is fun. Being single allows you to casually date, develop friendships and not have to tourment yourself over the - when will he call, how dare he say that, what was he thinking- problems that arrise in relationships.
Relax, take some time for you and meet many people. Dating is great and the more you do it, the better at picking out good people you will become.

But if you want to return to this man who has the anger issues I would say pretty much the same thing as everyone else..
Be careful. Kicky is right in saying that his behaviors are not always going to be signs of abuse.. but the loss of control is. If he has hurt you already , yeah, he will do it again.

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I know lots of guys who will punch a pillow, a wall, something, when they are frustrated and angry but have never and would never hit someone (unless it was self defense of course). This isn't always a sign of an abuser. It can be a sign of an abuser. But so is a loss of temper period, and not everyone who loses their temper is an abuser.

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i didn't ask that though. i asked how many guys do you know that "hit trees with bats" Laughing

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Folks, I didn't say he was an abuser; I advised erring on the side of caution and avoiding people who show early signs of violent idiocy:

She wrote:

anger issue. when he got mad he would take it out on things. not people but like poles and hitting trees with a bat, chair, etc.

In whatever period of time they were together (doesn't sound like a very long time); he already hurt her emotionally and exhibited signs of uncontrolled anger on all of those things she listed, etc. If you think that's normal, you're not. Idea

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xiorn wrote:

i didn't ask that though. i asked how many guys do you know that "hit trees with bats"

guys do stupid crap...I am sure plenty of guys hit trees with bats...just because they can.
Laughing

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Bella Dea wrote:

xiorn wrote:
i didn't ask that though. i asked how many guys do you know that "hit trees with bats"

guys do stupid crap...I am sure plenty of guys hit trees with bats...just because they can.

ok.. but most of them are likely to be under the age of 10 Laughing

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OCCOM BILL wrote:

Folks, I didn't say he was an abuser; I advised erring on the side of caution and avoiding people who show early signs of violent idiocy:
She wrote:
anger issue. when he got mad he would take it out on things. not people but like poles and hitting trees with a bat, chair, etc.
In whatever period of time they were together (doesn't sound like a very long time); he already hurt her emotionally and exhibited signs of uncontrolled anger on all of those things she listed, etc. If you think that's normal, you're not.

exactly. there is a difference between hitting a pillow and randomly trying to destroy eeveryhting you can

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xiorn wrote:

OCCOM BILL wrote:
Folks, I didn't say he was an abuser; I advised erring on the side of caution and avoiding people who show early signs of violent idiocy:
She wrote:
anger issue. when he got mad he would take it out on things. not people but like poles and hitting trees with a bat, chair, etc.
In whatever period of time they were together (doesn't sound like a very long time); he already hurt her emotionally and exhibited signs of uncontrolled anger on all of those things she listed, etc. If you think that's normal, you're not.

exactly. there is a difference between hitting a pillow and randomly trying to destroy eeveryhting you can

Yeah, she said exactly that. He's running around beating up trees constantly. Rolling Eyes

Bottom line: We don't have enough information to know what the guy is really like. Maybe the guy just took one swing at a tree with a bat, on a bad day, right after he struck out playing baseball. Would that be totally insane? Of course it wouldn't, and at a certain point in a person's development, it's not abnormal. And if you can make a blanket statement with the little bit of information that we have that you think it is, YOU are. Idea

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Hi Ocsoftballer,

ocsoftballer wrote:

he never ever physically hurt me. he hurt me emotionally. he says he wont this time but i dont know if i should believe him.

I think you should go with your instincts. Why spend time and emotional energy on someone you don't trust? Sometimes renewed relationships work out fine but it sounds like between the issues concerning his parents and your concerns about his anger he's probably a better ex than new.

I agree with those who said you should chill with the boyfriends for a bit. Take it slow and keep it casual for awhile.

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thread continued Here

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kickycan wrote:

xiorn wrote:
OCCOM BILL wrote:
Folks, I didn't say he was an abuser; I advised erring on the side of caution and avoiding people who show early signs of violent idiocy:
She wrote:
anger issue. when he got mad he would take it out on things. not people but like poles and hitting trees with a bat, chair, etc.
In whatever period of time they were together (doesn't sound like a very long time); he already hurt her emotionally and exhibited signs of uncontrolled anger on all of those things she listed, etc. If you think that's normal, you're not.

exactly. there is a difference between hitting a pillow and randomly trying to destroy eeveryhting you can

Yeah, she said exactly that. He's running around beating up trees constantly.

Bottom line: We don't have enough information to know what the guy is really like. Maybe the guy just took one swing at a tree with a bat, on a bad day, right after he struck out playing baseball. Would that be totally insane? Of course it wouldn't, and at a certain point in a person's development, it's not abnormal. And if you can make a blanket statement with the little bit of information that we have that you think it is, YOU are.

sorry, i didn't think you'd take my exaggeration so seriously. i'm just going by what she said, which was he occasionally beats up trees. and i just gave my opinion of that, as a silly and ludicrious thing to do. and too much of a display of violence.

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