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Mon 12 Mar, 2018 01:32 pm
24 year old female, I have identified as bisexual since I was a teenager. Over the last year and a half though, I've found that I'm not really interested in dating men anymore, and wondering if I ever really enjoyed it or if I just liked the safety of it. I've dated women, had serious relationships, this isn't a confusion of MY sexuality, but I don't know how to label it anymore. I feel so weird saying bisexual, but I'm not really a lesbian? And maybe I am, but I don't find myself explicitly attracted to women or men. The older I get, the more I am realizing just how far my sexuality reaches. I've dated individuals who identified as trans, nonbinary, and the in betweens keep widening. Has anyone else dealt with this struggle? Is it really all that accepted to just say you're queer? It doesn't always feel like it. I feel like, especially as a femme its really off putting when I have used a label that was anything other than lesbian, but it just isn't the label for me. I just don't have a community to reach out to and I don't know who to ask about this. My current partner is accepting but I want to be able to explain this to myself, and I just feel more and more lost on where I really belong. Do I just need to learn to be more comfortable with saying I'm a lesbian? I'm comfortable with myself and what I do, and it's just so frustrating that this seems to really be bothering me more than I ever really chose to see.
@queerdeer,
The word is pansexual.
Have fun, stay safe, and don't break hearts deliberately. It's all good.
@queerdeer,
What's your problem with the word 'lesbian', exactly, and why wouldn't it fit a woman sexually attracted to other women and not attracted by men?
Not to sound flippant, but why did is having a label so important?
if you have no preference between male or female significant others bisexual is the correct tag. pansexual means attracted to all living things including animals so does not seem correct for you.
@jespah,
You know those labels they put on fruits and vegetables at the store? I wonder if before they get slapped on if the banana is confused if it’s a plantain or even an avocado?
Factoid: all over the US, the code for bananas is 4011. The code for organic bananas is 94011.
@chai2,
It might not seem important to you and me but iIf it wasn't important to queerdear she wouldn't have asked. I can only guess it's something to do with identity, people feel more complete when they find a word they can embrace.
But what do I know?
@queerdeer,
queerdeer wrote: Is it really all that accepted to just say you're queer?
I just don't have a community to reach out to and I don't know who to ask about this.
I would normally say that it depends on your community but you say you don't have one. Locally - queer is the word most commonly used.
Quote: I've dated individuals who identified as trans, nonbinary, and the in betweens
are you still friends with any of these people? talk to them or people in their circle/s
@izzythepush,
izzythepush wrote:
It might not seem important to you and me but iIf it wasn't important to queerdear she wouldn't have asked. I can only guess it's something to do with identity, people feel more complete when they find a word they can embrace.
But what do I know?
That's why I asked the OP why it was important.
For that I get a thumbs down. Didn't realize I wasn't allowed to engage the OP and ask why something was important to them.
@chai2,
I didn't thumb you down.
People vote people down for all manner of reasons, don't let it get you down.
@queerdeer,
I don't know why you are so intent on finding the correct label, and I don't care, but I do wonder why you think anyone here is going to know for which labels you qualify? I doubt there is a rulebook somewhere that provides a clear definition of each and every label used and who can and should use them. If you are uncomfortable with "lesbian" when, from what you tell us, you seem to fit that label pretty closely, will you somehow feel better if someone here tells you it's OK to use "queer?"
@queerdeer,
I know finding a label can be an important part of clarifying your identity but i think for you it may be more helpful to figure out what it is about your "in betweens" activity that you find satisfying...this may clear up the situation for you and help you discover the identity and label that truly reflects who you are.
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