ADVICE - a little obsessed

Pls don’t judge

I’m not sure how this website works, but I posted something a few weeks ago that goes hand in hand with this current post. So a few weeks, I engaged in a sexual conversation with a stranger, and afterward, I felt really guilty and ashamed and all of the above. The shame and guilt coupled with the rumination were so bad that I couldn’t eat or drink or move for weeks. I lost so much weight and I had to find a therapist to talk about what happened. Anyway, after a while, I was able to recover. I finally stopped fueling the lies my brain was telling me — I was diagnosed with OCD a few years ago, and I have a tendency to obsess and exaggerate to a whole new level — and the thoughts were no longer potent … they were like background noise. Just when I thought I had recovered and was fine, suddenly my brain latched onto a new obsession surrounding the incident — an insatiable need to confront the stranger. According to my brain, I have to talk to the stranger one last time to close the chapter. I’ve been ignoring the thought and trying desperately to not give in because the last thing I want is to talk to the stranger again, but the thought is so powerful. It won’t shut up. It’s so invasive and distracting — I genuinely feel like I’m losing my mind. I really don’t know what to do. I’m terrified to talk to the stranger again, and I feel like the only way to silence the thought, other than giving in, is to find something new, distressing, and every crazier to obsess about. That’s typically how the pattern goes for me. Someone pls help me…

I know I sound crazy, but this is so real and distressing for me.