I need more people to let me know what a jerk I am being?

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Ok here goes.

Two months ago I found out the my fiance (we were engaged for 3 years, been together for a total of six years, lived together for 4.5 years) cheated on me once, 4 years into our relationship with an escort. He travels Mon thru Friday and has done so since we got together. I found out by reading an email from him to her soliciting it and than her sending him a reply to thank him. At first I had no idea what I was reading but it was dated two years and I thought maybe I was imagining it, but I read it over and over again. It is true that I was snooping, and most would say that I got what I deserved. Since he was in the UK when I found out, I sent him an instant message asking if what I found was true. He denied it then finally, when I forwarded the email to him, said it was true. That it had been killing.
In the mean time, I am packing my bags, getting ready to move out. I did move out. I asked him if he wanted to work on our relationship, he said yes. I asked him to go to couples counseling with me, he said no. I told him I needed a few weeks to figure out what to do. He said fine.
Anyway, here it is two months later and he has decided that he is not in love with me, that something prompted him to cheat on me, that he feels that we are not right. He wants us to be friends, because as he says "I have always loved you, from the first day I met you, and I will always love you."
He is seeing someone else, he tells me she could be his true love. He also tells me intimate details of their relationship

I am seeing someone else. He is a great person, but...

I love my ex and need help getting over him because it is obvious that he is over me.

Am I jerk or what for keeping in touch with my ex?

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Jerk? Nah. I think of "jerk" as someone who hurts others, and here you're just hurting yourself.

You don't necessarily need to stop contact with him to stop hurting -- might help, might not. He has the right to talk to you about his new relationship, though -- callous as it may be -- so if that is especially hurtful to you, seems to make sense to stop on those grounds. Maybe, "I'd like to stay in touch, but can't handle hearing all of these details about your new relationship. If we can interact as friends without those details, great. If that's not possible, have a nice life."

Good luck.

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You're not a jerk but you need to quit bugging him. He has moved on and now so do you. How do you think this makes (or would make if he doesnt' already know) your current man feel? Second best. No one wants to be second best. You have to choose. Your ex and no future with him or your current and a possible future with him.

Not to mention, how can you even think about trusting him ever again?

And just because you love someone doesn't guarantee they love you in return. And just because you love someone doesn't make it right for you to be together. Some things just aren't meant to be.

Move on. He cheated. You left. Case closed.

Good luck

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re:I need more people to let me know what a jerk I am being?
Thank you.

The guy I am seeing knows how I feel about my ex. I told him it was too soon for us to get involved, but he cares for me and wants to help me deal with this.

I guess I am still hurt, that one minute he wanted to work on things and go forward, then the next minute he wanted to be off with one else, who by the way is married.

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Let go of the past. Embrace the future. Love unconditionally.

That is all.

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And floss twice daily.

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I wouln't call you a jerk either, but I think I'm hearing your request loud and clear. So....
STOP behaving like a damn fool! At what point in your life did you decide the only thing missing is a man who doesn't cheat too much? He had his shot with you and HE blew it. Now, since he's no longer interested you're allowing yourself to fall into the I-want-what-I-can't-have quagmire, without even considering that a cheater isn't something you've ever wanted. STOP IT!

Now, it's Thursday morning and you have a plan to make. You are going to go to your favorite boutique and tell the sales girl "Make me sexy. I want to look beautiful". A hair cut, manicure, pedicure, massage, maybe even a makeover wouldn't hurt either. Let your budget be your guide (but splurge a little).

Now that you're looking fantastic, and make no mistake, YOU DO, head on down to the biggest dance club near you THIS Saturday Night and turn down man after man after man until you either meet one you like or decide your ego just can't take any more fluffing.

Either that, or continue moping about because you were denied your chance to spend 5 out of 7 days each week wondering who your husband's sleeping with. Rolling Eyes

Now choose. Choose wisely!

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Whoo-hoo!! Testify, brother Bill!

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I think I got the spirit! Help me, lawd!

Or maybe that's just the vapors. Anyhow, yeah, he is demonstrating that he has the morality of a 6 pound turd. O'Bill has given you good advice -- probably better than I would have given (involves a bucket of ice cream and video rentals).

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OCCOM BILL --Thank you, I needed that.

I am sure that I want him only because he doesn't want me.

It's tough, but I will move on.

Thank you all.

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Fantastic post, Bill! You inspired me to make a hair appt. - both my hair & my ego need fluffing. Laughing

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Generally, there is only one reason why a fiance delays marriage; cheats; drags feet about issues that are important to the other in the relationship and that reason is the person doesn't love you. He may be attracted to you . . . may be interested in you . . . may even like you but he doesn't love you.

America's dad, Dr. Phil, said there are two elements to a successful relationship:
1.) that the people are friends;
2.) that each tries to meet the other's needs.

You are hurt. But, it is over. Breathe a sigh of relief!

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yah be with that new guy...and if he does the same...then don't deal with it and don't get yourself worked up cuz it's not worth it no man is worth crying over and bein broke down by

I need more people to let me know what a jerk I am being?

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