Getting over him...

Reply Wed 2 Feb, 2005 10:16 pm
Okay so I dated this guy for about a year and a half. He was my first love and I loved and still love him so much. We met in high school and had a really great, really serious relationship. We both really wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, I know that may sound silly to some of you, but it was really great. About a week before he broke up with me, we were fighting often and he was a little distant. We both really suffocated eachother in our relationship and we had both lost our freedom. It was okay at first, but he began to feel restless. About two weeks before I left for college (i'm a freshmen in college and he's a senior at my old high school), he broke up with me. He said that he loved me and was in love with me and wanted to be free. We were pretty much together for those two weeks before I left. He moved me into my dorm and everything was perfect. Well one night on the phone, he was telling me that he loved me and that we're soulmates...long story short, six months later, I haven't heard from him again. He has a new girlfriend who is...well not a very nice girl who has a very...bad reputation as being a druggie and well...kind of slutty. My ex has now turned to drugs which is sad because he was the least druggie person ever.

He tells everyone the reason he stopped talking to me is because he knew this was a phase he needed right now and he didn't want to drag me down with him. He's been with this girl for around 4 months and he has never told her or anyone else that he loves her, though she tells him all the time. He tells everyone that he's embarrased by the way she dresses and acts and he know that shes just a girlfriend. He is a senior in high school and now he says if after his freshmen year of college, if their still together, they are moving in together.

It's been six months and i'm still very much in love with him. I've had a couple of relationships but i've messed them all up. I talk about him a lot or do things so they'll break up with me. I don't want to be with anyone but my ex. I don't think i'll ever be happy until we're back together.

I don't know what to do anymore. I love him so much still. I don't care that he's a completely different person now, it doesn't matter to me.

My mom and all of my best friends who knew us together think we'll get back together when he's done this phase, but I just have to be patient and wait, and they really do think we're meant to be. These are people who don't say things just because they want you to feel better, they are honest about things like this...brutally honest at times. Especially my mom.

I just need to know how to survive until then. Everyone told me, "Give it time." But I have and it still hurts so much. I think about him everyday. I want to enjoy college and my life. I don't know for sure if we will ever be togehter again and if we are going to be, I have no clue how long it could be. Maybe years...I can't feel like this for years. I want to be able to have relationships. Either no guys will date me or when they do, they are intimidated by my ex, and leave. My mom says I pretty much have, "I'm in love with someone." all over me.

Please help me to enjoy my life and survive....I don't want to do this forever.
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Reply Thu 3 Feb, 2005 03:25 am
Vin, not many people will offer advice to someone that says they're not going to change their mind...I mean what's the point?
Try this numbers excercise. Imagine all the men in the world aged 16 to 26...must be millions. If your soulmate is amongst them, what are the chances that he would be attending your high school? Pretty slim right? Go out in the world and find that special guy for you. Don't waste your time and emotional currency on someone that's regressing, not progressing.
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Reply Thu 3 Feb, 2005 05:53 am
Hi vindicatedhope

Its sound like this guy is very selfish, he has a "phase" to go through???? If he REALY loved you, he wouldn't be looking for excuses, this pathetic, to be dating "other" girls, be they druggies or not.

The best advice I have for you is to move on with your life.... it's not going to be easy, and it might even make you depressed at time. But if you have a good support system... a few close girlfriends you can talk to about love and life, you'll forget about him before you know it....

Ask yourself.... Do you really want a druggie as a soulmat/boyfriend??

Goodluck to you Sweeti!
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Reply Thu 3 Feb, 2005 07:11 am
Re: Getting over him...
vindicatedhope wrote:
I don't care that he's a completely different person now, it doesn't matter to me....

I have to mention that it's a lot easier to love someone at a distance than to be with them every day. I wonder if, had you been with him daily through this "phase," you'd still feel the same way about him.

I think it's easy to idealize someone who is not present, and it's a natural human tendency. If you were with him, you probably would care a LOT that he's a different person now....and a much less desirable person at that.

Charms is right, having friends and being involved with your new life will help. But the fact is, you will keep idealizing him until you WANT to stop.

You WILL survive this time, unless a safe falls on your head or whatever....the question is whether you really WANT to just survive or to have a real life based on what is happening now. The person you loved may not exist any more, and believe me, you will not be able to change him back into that person you loved, no matter what you do.

It might help to talk to a counselor about your feelings. Usually colleges have free or close-to-free ones.

Best of luck to you!
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Reply Thu 3 Feb, 2005 07:20 am
I was in your situation once, my ex and I dated for about four years (all through highschool and a year and a half after)... I loved him so much and I will always love him.. but he changed, we broke up and at first it was sooooo hard, but then I met my boyfriend that I am with now ( we have been together for a year and a half)..... Once my ex found out I was hung up on him anymore, he started calling me, telling me he missed me and wanted me back and still loved me.... But I had found someone else..... needless to say I am "happy" now.....

but in a sense I can understand if you want to wait, but just se other people while you wait for him ( let me put it this way, I wake up every morning next to my bf now and by the time I go to work, my ex has somehow popped into my mind.... and this happens everyday.... even tho I don't talk to him anymore, he is still a big part of my life, and A big part of me misses him soo much, he was my world, and I understand how you feel....)

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