is this girl girlfriend material or are my friends right?

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hello this is a long one but i really need your advice
i met this girl at work but heard that she has a boyfriend i asked her and she said yes but he has been working in another town for 6 months and has to keep working there for 1 more year and she said that they dont get along very well. She was hanging out with another coworker that leaves near her and i asked if there is something between them and she said no they are just friend she just hangs out with him because she is lonely and doesnt have any female friends
We kept talking for a couple of days and one night she asked me to hang out in her car at 10 PM we talked about more personal stuff for about 4 hours and after that night she started texting me alot sending me pictures of her ( normal not naked or half naked ). And after about 1 week i went to her house and we watched a movie we cuddled for hours and i started massaging her back from under her shirt while i was kissing her neck and when i went with my hands on her ass from under her panties she took my hand away and said no i kept massaging her i tried kissing her on the lips and she didnt kiss me back anyway i left her place and 10 minutes later she texted me "how far were you willing to go "and i said "i dont know i guess u didnt wanna go all the way ? "and she said "no the massage was enough"
when i was at her place she was talking to the other coworker through text and i saw a little she asked him "do i have to be at your disposal 24/7? " and he replied "yes"and thats was all i could see and when she started ignoring his texts he started calling her and he called her 2 times the third i told her to answer because he is starting to piss me off and she went to the bathroom to talk to him
my friends told me that in that moment i should have gotten up and left without saying anything to her because she is doing this thing with the other coworker and hanging out with me while having a boyfriend
he next day she found out that i asked a friend about her and if i should pursue her considering that she has a boyfriend. She got very upset and said that she doesnt wanna talk to me anymore yet after 2 days she started texting me again sending me pictures again and i told her if she wants to hang out again she said no because we would end up having sex and then i told her that we should keep out distance.
We havent talked for about 1 month but now we started again she told me all of a sudden that she wants to go to the gym i guess she knew that i would like to go with her . I asked her if she wants to go toghether and she said yes but she doesnt want anyone at work to find out and i said yeah no problem but she changed her mind .
She started sending me pictures of her AGAIN and i said she looks nice and i would like to tell her more but i would cross the line and she said go ahead
and i told her she has nice breasts and i would have loved to grab them that night and its too bad that she didnt let me stuff like that and she sent laughing emoticons
Thing is that there are rumours that she broke up with her boyfriend and is now with the other coworker i asked her about it and she said that is not true she is still with her boyfriend and she even visited him not long about 2 weeks ago
All of my friends told me that i should stay away from her stop responding to her messages and that she is a cheater that just wants attention

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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 1,361 • Replies: 18

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@ticaaa,

I agree with your friends.

If she claims to have a boyfriend but is hooking up with you for any type of physical contact, anything from kissing to full on sex, then she is betraying her boyfriend. Is that the sort of relationship you want? One with a woman who will likely go off with another guy if you are unavailable one night.

Respect yourself and walk or crawl away from her.

1 Reply

@Sturgis,

she didnt wanna kiss i kissed her but she kept her lips tense and didnt kiss me back but she did let me massage her from under her shirt and i went with my hands under her panties so i guess its still the same thing

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@ticaaa,

Get away from her.

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This girl is getting her kicks from turning you on ... then turning her back on you.

See realistically what's going on here. n

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Instead of focusing on this person's behavior, you should be looking in a mirror. You are passing judgement on a woman that was totally honest with you about being in a relationship. Regardless of the status of that, you crossed the line with your own behavior. You took advantage of the situation, then blame/shame her as if you have the right to do so.

The definition of integrity is the "adherence to moral and ethical principles, soundness of moral character, honesty." Where is YOUR moral code, when it comes to behaving in a respectful and polite manner? You made sexual advances to her, KNOWING she had a boyfriend. You fully admit she didn't return your kiss and stopped your advances. So, what does that make you?

I see no honor in your actions or your words. You talked behind her back, spreading rumors, even after she confirmed, AGAIN, she had a boyfriend. You took advantage of her loneliness and used that to your own advantage.

She may or may not be girlfriend material. That's not a judgement I, or YOU, get to make. That's between her and her boyfriend. What judgement I can make about you, however, is you have an ass kicking coming for making sexual overtures to a woman who clearly did not want it.

1 Reply

@neptuneblue,

did not want?
then why did she allow everything to happen ? and i didnt spread any rumours what are u talking about?

1 Reply

@ticaaa,

ticaaa wrote:

she said that is not true she is still with her boyfriend and she even visited him not long about 2 weeks ago

she's got a boyfriend and is messing around on him

you know she's got a boyfriend and were pursuing sex with her

If I was in my really grumpy moods I'd say you deserve each other and the mess you're both going to get into if you pursue this further. If you both want to ****, then **** (and be honest with each other about it). Just don't expect anything good to come of it.

Being in a reasonably nice mood I'll say - smarten up - you know this whole thing is stupid. Get with a good group of friends, go out with them, meet a woman who isn't already in a relationship. Cut contact with the loser woman.

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oh - as to your title question - she is girlfriend material - she has a boyfriend Rolling Eyes

she's a crap girlfriend but she is someone's girlfriend

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@ticaaa,

Did you or did you not know she had a boyfriend?

Again, you're focusing on her behavior when you need to be focusing on your own. Where is your moral aptitude to keeping your hands off someone who is in a relationship? Are you twelve and need to be told it's not polite to run to your buddies with a kiss-and-tell attitude? Are you really that much of a tattle tell that you have to discuss what she did or not do with you to your friends?

Again, you want to shame her for her actions without looking at your own.

1 Reply

@neptuneblue,

you must not have read my message
im not focusing on her behavior and i dont want to judge her i actualy like her and i dont know what to do thats why im asking you based on the situation
she was constantly complaining about her boyfriend and she said that he doesnt pay enough attention to her thats why i accepted to hang out with her even though she had a boyfriend
i felt sorry for her because she was always saying that she was crying and her stomach hurted everytime because she got upset
Now im asking you based on the situation do you think that i can have a serious relationship with her? or she would just cheat on me too
how did u figure that i want to shame her for her actions? i honestly dont get it
and i didnt run to my buddies with a kiss and tell attitude i talk to one of my friends before anything happened
the stuff happened after i talked to my friend its just that she found out after
i only asked my friend what i should do because he has way more experience he is married and with 2 children and i wanted a serious advice from a serious man and after everything ended i asked 2 of my friends about the entire situation and what they said u can find in the opening post if u actualy read it

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@ticaaa,

Oh, I read your post. And was completely shocked that you'd take liberties with another person's girlfriend. Tell me how you'd react if some guy did this to your girlfriend:

"And after about 1 week i went to her house and we watched a movie we cuddled for hours and i started massaging her back from under her shirt while i was kissing her neck and when i went with my hands on her ass from under her panties she took my hand away and said no i kept massaging her i tried kissing her on the lips and she didnt kiss me back "

To me, that describes an unwanted sexual advance. Do you not understand what the word "no" actually means? And to top if off, your comment is "why did she let you do it"? Well, she didn't LET you do anything. She stopped you. Period.

You were more concerned about getting laid than understanding you had a moral commitment to keep your distance. You took her vulnerability of having a long distance boyfriend to mean she is an easy score. When that didn't work, instead of understanding she's off limits until she is no longer in a relationship, you went to a trusted "friend" for advice. Why that guy didn't beat the crap out of you right then and there, I'll never know.

1 Reply

@neptuneblue,

she said no to the hand in the panties but she said the massage was ok
when i asked about the massage if i should stop she said " if you see that im not saying anything why are u talking? "
and i stopped talking to her and now she is the one initiating texting shes sending me pictures of her without me saying anything

1 Reply

@ticaaa,

So you went from putting your hand down her pants one night to giving her the silent treatment the next day. Even I'm confused as to what you're doing or wanting so I can understand how she's feeling.

Ok, let's try to figure this out.

You like her, that part is known. Now, here's the dilemma. Do you just want sex or do you want a girlfriend? You ACT like you just want sex but SAY you want her as a girlfriend. But she's already in a relationship. A shitty one, a long distance one, but still in a relationship.

You are confused because you tried putting the moves on her and she shot you down. Yet she continues to pester you with unsolicited pictures of herself, fully clothed. She wants something from you, and you're not sure what that is.

Ok, a stab in the dark -- maybe, just maybe she's a serial killer and wants to lead you out in the forest to have rituals on your behalf. Or a more reasonable explanation is -- she misses the friendship you two had. If you even had a friendship, I mean.

The world will never know! You won't talk to her!

So there it is in a nutshell.

I have to ask, what is your aversion to explaining what you want? You can have a conversation that goes like this:

"Hello Woman of My Dreams (Neil Young reference, look it up)
I apologize for my actions the other night. I went too far and I'm sorry. I understand you have a boyfriend and I respect that relationship. The problem is I like you more than just a friend, But until you're single, I can't be friends with you. Please stop sending pictures of yourself. It makes me feel uncomfortable to know I can't be with you, When your relationship status changes, I'd like to take you out for dinner and a movie."

That's an honest and sincere way of handling yourself. It shows you have the ability to wait for what you want and strength to walk away from a bad situation.

Try it. What do you have to lose?

2 Replies

@neptuneblue,

neptuneblue wrote:

The world will never know! You won't talk to her!

So there it is in a nutshell.

I have to ask, what is your aversion to explaining what you want? You can have a conversation that goes like this:

"Hello Woman of My Dreams (Neil Young reference, look it up)
I apologize for my actions the other night. I went too far and I'm sorry. I understand you have a boyfriend and I respect that relationship. The problem is I like you more than just a friend, But until you're single, I can't be friends with you. Please stop sending pictures of yourself. It makes me feel uncomfortable to know I can't be with you, When your relationship status changes, I'd like to take you out for dinner and a movie."

That's an honest and sincere way of handling yourself. It shows you have the ability to wait for what you want and strength to walk away from a bad situation.

Try it. What do you have to lose?

really great advice for the OP

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@neptuneblue,

i dont want just sex not even that night i didnt wanna have sex i went with my hand under her pants just to massage her ass too i wasnt gonna go all the way i was the one that stopped in the end
and i didnt give her the silent treatment next day , she found out that i asked a friend about her and she stopped talking to me and after about 2 days later she started texting again sending me pictures then i told her just like u told me "i like you alot but if we cant have a relationship i cant be just friends with you it hurts too much "and she said ok
and after 2 months ( present day ) she started talking to me again and sending me pictures of her again .
and now i dont know what to do should i keep my distance or talk to her

1 Reply

@ticaaa,

It all depends on how much drama you want in your life.

I'd block her number.

What would you like to do?

1 Reply

@neptuneblue,

i dont know i like her but im thinking that my friends are right
its like she is immature and she doesnt know what exactly does she want
its funny because she says that she wants 2 kids by the age of 27-28 she 20 now
i guess i have to look somewhere else
i want a nice girl that i can marry and have kids with i was thinking that she might be the one .
How dumb was i Sad

1 Reply

@ticaaa,

She does seem immature. But at 20, most of "you" are. It does take an education of sorts to grow up and become a responsible adult. For some, maturity takes more time than it does for others. Mistakes and missteps are common only because it still is a learning process. Some people are lucky and have guidance through these years, (18-25) others have nobody to help them run a steady course.

What's interesting, is you knowing her faults and still want to get to know her. If you feel you want to help her get to a level that's more on par with yours, just be careful about 1) birth control - yes, condoms for you, BC for her 2) rushing into a permanent solution such as marriage to cure loneliness 3) the future is now (because it isn't).

It's also ok to understand she just isn't right for you at this moment. Maybe take a few steps back, and reassess exactly what she brings to the emotional table for you. If the pros outweigh the cons, then pursue a relationship. If not, block her # and don't look back.

Only you can make the decision. Make it a good, righteous one.

0 Replies

is this girl girlfriend material or are my friends right?

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