Is divorce our best option or can we get through this thing?

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Let me open by stating that I know this content is going to light some fires. This kind of behavior lights me up pretty good too and I know that for my part what I did is wrong. Very wrong. So for those that feel the need to jump in for an a attack here please refrain and understand that I am not looking for justification just advise for our future. I have found my self in a Quasi third dimension and am very confused.

This past weekend my wife and I were out bar hopping and drank at least 10 rum drinks each. Needless to say we both had lots of lights on with nobody home. We ended up at a bar where I was being threatened physically and I wanted to leave. She seemed to think this was funny or cute or I don't know and finally I got us out of there. We stumbled and argued along the way and when we got inside things escelated very quickly into an all out WWF stlye match. No hitting but we were both very physical with eachother. Somewhere in the middle of this mayhem, unbeknownst to me, she called the police.

We finally calmed down and seperated ourselves from each other. I went to bed. Not sure of the time line, but shortly thereafter I was being questioned by officers while sleeping naked in my room. They arrested me and I spent the night in county jail.

When my wife picked me up I choose to not speak for quite some time because of the feelings of hate that had come over me. Why hate? Well... I feel that I was not the only one involved here. That WE were rediculously tanked. That WE were out of control and now I will have no choice, whether or not she decides to pursue any action, but to suffer though the humiliation and expence of a spousal abuse trial.

Today is three days later and we have begun to dig into the wound as civily as possible. We are finding that we have a host of grudges and peeves housed against oneanother but when I have said lets just stop and see that we need to get a divorce she bursts into tears and says no lets get counseling we can get through this. I'm not so sure I want too. But then again I'm not sure that I don't.

I love my wife very much. We have been together for seven years. We have two wonderful outstanding children. Loads of family that love and support us. Two dogs, a minivan, own our home - the works. I can't see living without my "perfect" little life but now I am struggling with - should I learn too?

What do I do?

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Counseling, for sure. It will help you deal with it -- but "dealing with it" doesn't necessarily mean resigning yourself to staying with your wife. It just means that counseling will help you resolve the issues, and resolution may mean deciding to divorce.

But having a professional involved will make this difficult process more productive and efficient.

Good luck.

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Counseling. There are children involved so you've got to go the distance.

Sounds like you all had one helluva weekend.

At the risk of pissing you off, this is the stuff that family stories are made of. A few years from now, you all will be laughing your asses off about it. I mean, it's kinda funny, from a woman's point of view.

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Counseling.

I don't know whether or not you two are religious, but going off alcohol for Lent--at least--might be a good idea.

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Calling the cops on you like that, in my opinion, is inexcusable. But not unforgivable.

I very frequently do inexcusable things, luckily my wife is very forgiving.

In other words, wait until you're not so angry about it anymore, before you make a decision.

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eoe... No offence taken. I am a guy that giggles at all situations good or bad but this one- not so funny. The result of my actions from today forward will be monumental. I usually dont veiw anything business, personal or otherwise as having enough merit as to be appropriatly labeled monumental because I am a giggler. This is uncharted territory. Anyway I babble... I hope your right. I could use a good laugh.

Thanks for the candidness.

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COUNSELING ...

Otherwise, you'll regret it shortly after the fact. Alcohol can make regular people abusive, hard core drug addicts, murders, thieves, etc ...

Nothing (aside from a felony offense) should be judged while people were severly impaired. The fact you guys held a grudge shows poor communication which can easily be fixed through counseling.

Even though you dont want to hear it, you guys sounded like a bunch of idiots that night (sorry, but not all replies can be all supportive)

Best luck. Very Happy

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It sounds like she was just as abusive as he was, but he gets hauled off to jail because he happens to be stronger... I presume? Smile

Anyway, this will be a lot harder if she isn't willing to take any responsibility.

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I think going off alcohol, at least for now, is a really good idea. And so is counseling.

I see no reason you & your wife can't work through this, with the help of a therapist, if you both want to.

There's a really good book called "Fighting for Your Marriage," which if you can go through together might really help.

I think many of us quietly hold grudges, and it's never good for a relationship. If you can institute weekly talks as discussed in the above book, you may rid yourselves of much of the "baggage" and really communicate.

Best of luck to you both!

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Alcoholism, or the effects of alcohol are primary suspects here. It's very similar to my short lived marriage. Not much to add except...counseling.
Good luck

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Counseling from me too. I think both of you should go, separately if necessary but you both could use some help.

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Is divorce our best option or can we get through this thing?

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