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Sat 22 Feb, 2003 05:42 am
Fri February 21, 2003 05:27 PM ET
Quote:NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - People who describe themselves as perfectionists may do well on job interviews, but new study findings suggest that they may struggle in marriage and other intimate relationships...
Overall, men and women who identified their partners as perfectionists--meaning they felt that their mates demanded perfection from them--tended to report greater use of sarcasm, nagging and other conflict-driven strategies to cope with their marital problems, study findings indicate...
"This finding may suggest that women who expect perfection from their spouses may be especially likely to be dissatisfied, because their spouses will inevitably fail to meet these expectations," the researchers speculate.
Is this something you have observed? Give examples.
FULL article
As a former perfectionist, I used my perfectionism to keep relationships more superficial than intimate. If you won't tolerate anything but perfection then people will constantly fall short and you have a reason to not get close. It gets very lonely though.
midnight, welcome to A2K. Lonely strikes me. I wasn't a perfectionist, but I had a I can do it myself attitude...same results. You put yourself on an island. Are we in the same ball park.
definitely in the same ball park. I've always been very self-sufficient as well. I wanted to do things on my own and I wanted them to be perfect. But I've learned that not everything needs to be perfect and that learning when to let other people help out can save me a lot of time and exhaustion. I have a really hard time relying on others though. Do you think something in your past led to your do-it-myself attitude?
I'm still married, and it's been 21 years.
I don't expect anymore from my spouse then I expect from myself, which is a lot. I'm not sure if I expect perfection, because I don't believe anyone or anything is perfect, but darn near close works for me.
Expecting things to be done right, or my way would be close to my definition of perfection. Things don't always turn out that way, but I never stop trying to get them to.
Truth is my spouse is the opposite of me, he's calm, cool and collective, also quite understanding and compassionate of others, including myself.
Maybe that's why we work most of the time.
We're both ok with compromise, which is how we're able to meet somewhere in the middle, or exchange the percentages with success.
midnight,
Yes, your past has a significant role in determining your behavior. But, I do not believe a perfectionist type person has to be alone. dlk33, for example, has indicated she has enjoyed a satisfying relationship with her mate. In my case, my first marriage did not work out; my second one has, over time, developed a peaceful center wherein life is good.
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