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Fri 28 Jan, 2005 04:08 pm
Ug. It is well known that I have been sick. I have bronchitius . So naturally I have been feeling very cranky, tired and on edge.
My husband has been wonderful to me as usual.
We are going to be doing the floors in our bathroom monday. ( I say we, but really there will be a contractor here doing the work..)
So, the bathroom needs to be cleaned out and everything taken out so he has room to do his work.
We have known this for a while and I have asked him a few times to help clean out the bathroom and he always said sure.. no problem.
I tell hubby wednesday that I wanted to get started thursday on cleaning. I dont have alot of energy and by the time he gets home I am worn out and ready to sleep for a week. But I am willing to clean the bathroom soon so I dont have to worry about it over the weekend.. I am hoping I can get some rest then.
I remind him again yesterday afternoon that I needed to get started on the bathroom. I ask him to help me so that it gets done faster. His immediate responce.. " I cant help you, I will be cleaning the studio".
Fine. I dont mind that at all.
So I tell him, then we can bounce baby back and forth between us and while I am taking a break from cleaning, I will watch baby while you clean , then vice versa. He says he willthink about that plan .
So he gets home and has his routine, about 2 hours of nothing so he can eat, rest, shower, smoke.. what ever he needs to do to unwind.
After his quiet time.. I start to get things ready for cleaning the bathroom. MIL is home early, so I ask her if she will help with Bean while I clean out the bathroom..
I prepare her dinner and go upstairs. MIL is feeding her and playing with her. 3 hours later, I come downstairs completely done. Hubby is watching a movie. Not cleaning. MIL is stuck with baby in the kitchen because hubby has dominated the couch so there IS no room for her and baby. Since I am cleaning with bleach I dont want her upstairs close to the bathroom. ( Im paranoid about fumes and babies.. my hangup! )
Baby has been fed and is happy.... but hubby has done nothing. At all.
So I am starting to get upset. He has cleaned nothing in the studio, did nothing to help with bean and let me clean the bathroom by myself knowing I was sick. He CLAIMS to have asked me if I needed help.. but I was upstairs cleaning with the door shut.. Obviously.. there wasnt any effort put into offering to help.
So.. I still have to take out the trash, make baby food and do laundry.
I ask him to put her to bed. He says.. " Im watching a movie , can you do it?" WTF?
So , I dont get angry, I just say No. I have things I still need to do. He says ok and goes back to watching his movie.
I get everything done and it is 845.. baby is still up. So I point that out. I say " It is 845 , she is usually asleep by now, can you put her to bed now instead of later?" he does. >sigh<
I go lay down just pissed.
I am not sure I really have anything to be pissed at though? His behavior wasnt rude, or disrespectful.... just .. lazy. Or is it just me being sick that made his actions seem wrong? I want to talk to him about this because I dont feel he understands HOW sick I am because I dont have the ability or time to show it.... make sence?
I cant spend all day in bed, I cant stay in my nightgown and whine.. I have jilly bean to take care of.
oy.... am I being too touchy about this? Am I being disrespectful if i choose to talk to him about this? Am I over sensative? Or should I just keep quiet and make sure that I point this behavior out to him next time it happens???? ( waaaahhhhh ) I hate being sick.
First, I'm glad you feel a bit better, sad that you're still sick.
Is his behavior tonight unusual? If he's normally helpful, does what you ask, considerate, thoughtful, you know... too good to be true, and tonight just turned into a couch potato then I'd say let it go. If he and the couch are best friends and you normally don't ask for help, then maybe I'd say to let him know that you're frustrated. I don't think it's ever disrespectful to talk about your feelings and if your feeling were hurt then go ahead and tell him.
Feel better soon!
I'm not joking Shewolf...you sound like your having a miserable time, and being very 'put apon'. I don't think your being overly sensitive. Men just don't seem to have a 'guilt' thing. They can blank out whilst life, chores and everything just goes on around them. I don't think he means to be so self indulgent...most men are just made that way.
You feel it more when you are at a low ebb through illness.
I don't usually go on threads like these...I'm not very good at giving relationship advice...I just want to say things like "why don't you stab him to death?"...see what I mean.
But I do understand how your feeling.
Take care of yourself
Sarah
x
The reason I asked about this situation is that one of the things him and I agreed to that helps us keep a good marriage is that we evaluate our ' arguements' before we present them. That way , if we are just feeling tired ,rude,or anxious, we dont start a disagreement over small silly things.
And on this one I cant make up my mind.
He is usually stand-offish when i ask him to help me with cleaning. Anything else he will jump on. No problem. cleaning?? he runs to the hills. ! hahah And I know that about him , so I respect that. But I dont think it was ok last night seeing as how I am quite sick.
Hmm.. maybeI have answered my own question. :-) hehe
<using best Noddy voice>
A Good Mother's work is never done. We are not excused from working just because we are ill. We must carry on. We are strong. We are invincible...
Bullshit.
Go to bed, shewolf. Stay there. Make DH and MIL take care of Jillian and themselves. Tell them you have all the confidence in the world that they can handle it. (Even if you don't.) If they mess it up, you can fix it NEXT WEEK. Meanwhile, your only job should be to take care of YOU. Do you know how easily bronchitis can turn into pneumonia without your even knowing it? It has happened to me twice. All because I didn't think I could stop doing what needed to be done. Just like you.
Shut down that computer and go to bed. Do you hear me? Good.
Hmph. You're still here.
Do you know that many people have pneumonia without a fever? Yes, that isn't uncommon. Do you know how long it takes to recover from pneumonia? A couple of months (at least) until you're back up to speed. Do you know what happens to people who get pneumonia and STILL don't stop everything and go to bed? They DIE!!! It happens every day!!!
Give it up, sweetheart.
Go to bed.
Stay there.
If I see you back on here writing long posts again in the next 24 hours, I promise you, I WILL yell at you again.
Understood?
Don't mess with this stuff.
Agree with Eva whole-heartedly. I've had many bouts with Bronchitis, and it's not something to mess with. If you do too much and get sick Again right away, you'll feel so sick you'll wish you were dead. Really!
If I were you I would have left the darned cleaning to someone else....you were SICK! And bleach bothers my respiratory system even when I'm not sick. Don't do that again, OK? I would have told MIL & DH either they do it, or it doesn't get done, and it's time to lie down.
That said, I think you SHOULD talk to DH about this. I don't think it would be over-sensitive, but that's just me.
I think he should have helped you because you were sick. After all, that's part of why we married, so someone can help us when we're ill.....er, isn't it? But first, get to feeling less ill. Everything looks worse when you don't feel good.
Lie down, Shewolf, and I'll scratch that special place behind your ears.....
I agree with the others. You need some rest, so go to bed and let them handle things until you are better.
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