He wants to propose - I want to break up

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My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. He loves me to no end, and I love him, but we are 12 years apart and I am NOT ready for a serious relationship Evil or Very Mad

. he keeps hinting that he wants to get married and talks about having children and a steady job and all that crap. I am young and want to travel the world and not have kids - ever - or at least not in the next 10 years. There are things I am trying to start for myself, my own business, for one. He is supportive and all, but HIGHLY unmotivated and has no initiative whatsoever, which, in turn, brings me down and makes me lazier.

I want to break up, but I don't know how because I don't want to hurt his feelings. He understands that I'm young but he can't comprehend that I'm impulsive and adventurous - something he is not Rolling Eyes

. He keeps saying that he's just riding this relationship until I dump him, and I keep telling him I won't dump him. The reason I haven't done it already is out of pity Confused

.

What do I do?

I was thinking of telling him I got a job offer abroad and running away like that. How can I fake such a thing?

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Viva279- Welcome to A2K!

Take the easiest way out. Tell him the truth. Say that you are not at the stage of your life where you are anywhere near ready for marriage. Tell him that you care for him, but you cannot see your way clear to make a committment. Put the onus on yourself.

Quote:

I was thinking of telling him I got a job offer abroad and running away like that. How can I fake such a thing?

Just this line tells me that you are nowhere near mature enough to enter into a serious, marital relationship. Fess up. He is going to be hurt no matter what happens, but he will be much more hurt if he finds out that you have lied to him.

Com'on, you can do it!

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I'm with Phoenix. Tell him the truth.

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Hi Viva,

I'm afraid Phoenix is right (as usual). You've really got to tell him how you feel, and I think you owe it to him to be honest with him. After all, if your situations were reversed, wouldn't you want to know what's really going on?

You can be gentle with him but firm in your convictions at the same time. Let him know you care about him, but you want different things in your life right now. There's no crime in that!

I think it's great you know what you want....now go out and get it!

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Agreed with all. You've given this guy a year of your life already, and there is no point in throwing that away with a lie.

It does not sound like you've communicated your concerns to him, otherwise he would probably not be hinting at marriage anymore for the time being. Throwing out smoke & mirror excuses don't help either.

Having an immature spouse can be a nightmare (as evident by some of these threads). The question is, do you wish to still date him regardless of your differences and his lack of an adventerous nature? Try not to get lost in that negative quality, and focus on the positive. And remember, everyone changes through the course of a relationship and you might find your roles reversed in a couple years.

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Re: He wants to propose - I want to break up

Viva279 wrote:

He is supportive and all, but HIGHLY unmotivated and has no initiative whatsoever, which, in turn, brings me down and makes me lazier....He keeps saying that he's just riding this relationship until I dump him

If that isn't reason enough to dump him then I don't know what is. My sister was stuck with a loser boyfriend that was lazy. His entire life revolved around her and her world. He was like an anchor around her neck. Don't let that happen to you.

Just tell him the truth and tell him to move on.

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Re: He wants to propose - I want to break up

Viva279 wrote:

I want to break up, but I don't know how because I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Words to live by: To Thine Own Self Be True William Shakespeare.

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You know what to do, Viva. Take a deep breath and do it.

Good luck.

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Be honest. But be prepared for him to swear that he'll change, he'll become more adventurous, have more initiative, everything you say he lacks. That's when you'll have to stick to your guns.
Also, know that it's going to hurt you as well. You'll feel like doo-doo for awhile, knowing that you've caused someone pain. But in time, it passes and then you'll be FREE.

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How long do you plan on waiting to get on with the rest of your life? There's no time like the present to get started.

I also think you have to suck it up and be truthful. No faking neccessary.

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She needs to get on with her life and, even moreso, let him get on with his. He's looking for someone to settle down with. If she's not the one and knows she's not, she's been stringing him along and needs to get out of the life so he can find someone who is ready.

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Viva, there are times in life when we have to screw up our courage and force ourselves to do what we know is right. This is one of those times. It will be difficult, but you will live through it. So will he. And ultimately, you will both be happier. You both deserve to be happy, don't you? It's up to you to let him go so you can both find the kind of life you're looking for. It doesn't mean you have to stop loving him...it means you have to love him enough to do what's best.

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Naah, screw all that couragious truth ****. Lie.

I can get you in contact with a guy who can help you fake your own death. You can be living free and clear with a new identity at a certain undisclosed tropical location within six weeks. It costs a fortune, but it's better than having to tell the truth.

Oh, and if it goes bad somehow, and it all blows up in your face, you don't know me, I don't you...got it?

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LOL

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He wants to propose - I want to break up

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