Once a cheater, always a cheater...?

That's a very difficult question for someone who doesn't know the two of you to answer, cowgirl. And yes, it is a very serious decision to make, considering the circumstances. Have you spoken to your partner about how unhappy & concerned you are? How does he respond to what you say?

For example, if you tell him how you feel and he say "Ah, shucks, t'wernt nuthing." pack your bags.

Joe (Once a cheater..... you think it was once?) Nation

That was helpful.

I definitely don't think the aphorism is always true -- I think there are some people who are predisposed to cheating for whatever reason and will do it a lot, some who will do it a few times, and some who will genuinely do it just once. That happens.

However, I totally agree with Joe that the way your boyfriend reacts to the whole situation is important.

Also, why aren't you married? Again not something that is always bad -- lots of people "live as married" and it works great -- but most of those people wouldn't refer to their partner as a fiance at your point in the relationship, I don't think. Sounds like there is a possibility that you want to get married and he's found ways to keep putting it off...

Good luck.

Once a cheater always a cheater depends totally on the man. I myself am a completely calous and cold man, so I can cheat and feel nothing. But your guy may be loving and caring, so when he saw what his cheating did to you, he might not want to do that again. Depends on the guy.

I don't believe that "once a cheater thing."

I had a girlfriend I became to realize that she sucked, and I went on vacation before I broke up with her. Didn't stop me from making out with multiple non-Americans.

However, the "good" relationships I've been in I wouldn't even think about cheating. That's just me.

So, uh, my post has nothing to do with your question.

You know your man. Trust is earned, not a given. Has he EARNED your trust?

I think this is true even for women who cheat. Just cause you cheat once doesn't mean you are doomed to be alone.

Cowgirl--

I'm with Sozobe. You've been with this "fiance" for five years; you have a child together; and....let me guess....he thinks that True Love doesn't need a piece of paper?

Does he spend much of his free time out with his friends while you spend your "free" time with your child, doing housework?

You say that you don't want to split up--but you want a guy you can trust. Let me guess....at least on one occasion you have tried to tell your "fiance" that his behavior has made you feel insecure. His response would have been either: "That's your problem, get over it." or "Stop nagging me." Perhaps both.

Your fiance's infidelity changed your relationship. Your "fiance" shows no signs of taking any responsibility for this change. After all, saying "Sorry" was enough.

Did your friends like this guy before he cheated?

Many good responses here *applauds everyone*

I completely agree with Noddy and eoe. The "once a cheater.." motto is NOT always correct, I've been through that and seen it proven false. However, it depends on the quality and character of your partner.

Do you completely trust him with your heart? It sounds as if he himself is doubtful... to even ask the question, "should I believe that he'll always cheat on me?" indicates to me that you may not, and what you said further confirms it to me.
When I went through it, there was no question between us. We knew it would never happen again, because we knew each other's character thoroughly. Yes, it hurt, it hurt and confused us both. but there was never a question of, "Do I need to get rid of you now?"

I think it's not 'cheating' that is the make/break issue. It's everything else, alll of it put together. All of the issues as one package. If he refuses to obey your request for counseling, you're dealing with a man with a very stubborn, proud quality. NOT a good thing for a long-term relationship.

My advice? If you cannot get him to work through this with you, don't marry him. Marrying him will cure none of the problems that exist before the marriage.

If you can't marry him ever, then.. you could guess at the rest of my advice. Don't stay with a man that's not fit to be your husband >_>

I'm with slappy on this one. I think that if you're on a relationship that doesn't work and cheat you're going to cheat every time possible. But then you can be in a good relationship and not cheat at all.