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Sat 22 Jan, 2005 03:41 pm
I was good friends with a guy for ten months because I thought that he liked me and that if I was his doormat, he would fall for me. Right? Wrong. I was taking care of him, paying hs bills, doing his HW 9we go to the same college), being his shoulder to cry on, being supportive of his goals and all that other stuff. Well, he went to NY for the summer and I didnt hear from him for 2 weeks.said he was busy looking for a job. Then he calls me because he needs money, like a fool, I give it to him...this goes on for a while. Then he comes back, still summer, and ignores me and treats me like crap and dicthes me for his friends until I demand an explanation. He drops the bomb: he has a gf now, whom he met in new york but he has known her as a friend for a yera already. whata bastard. I cried of course and he didnt care, he told me he liked me only as a friend. I dropped his *ss like a bomb. He said that he would call me, I told him not to bother.........and he didnt unti about 2 montsh later, to see how I was doing. I told him I was doing fine and stuff....then yesterday, which is 4 months after he called me, he emails me and I bump into him and he's all "I missed you and how are you". I told him i was fine. The old me, desperate for his affection I would be all over him and trying to get him to focus on me but this time I didnt. I talked to him while looking for a book I needed (at the school's bookstore), and he was asking me all these questions, I was polite and stuff and then I tod him bye and left. The ol me would have followed him around like a puppy. i think he was kinda shocked that I didnt follow him around or beg him to stay or anything or offer to do anything for him. So when I got home I checked my email and basically he said that he was worried about me and he thought I was dead and he missed me and he hoped to hear from me soon. I havent emailed him back, I received this email on Wednesday too, the same day I bumped into him at the bookstore. Now, i found out that we take a class together, he missed the first class and I was sick so I missed the 2nd class meeting.....but this time we wil both be there. So bow here are my questions:
Should I email him back and if so what should I say?
How should I behave around him in class?
Should I remain civil to him or just be a bitch?
Do you think he realizes that he lost a good thing and wants me back not that I would take him back.....
Does anyone have a similar experience and what did you do?
I'm not sure if he is stil with his gf who lives in NY, we live in Louisiana so I'm not sure.
He hurt me so much, I let him use me and treat me bad......I needed to love myself more and now I do......since then I have tried to grow from this bad experience. No longer do I cry over him or wonder what he's doing every minute. I think I have made progress......I'm doing well in school and stuff.....but I would like some advice on this. I dont want this guy back.....just want some answers. Thanks for reading.....
Re: its been 6 1/2 months and now he contacts me
lisa100small wrote:if I was his doormat, he would fall for me. Right? Wrong. I was taking care of him, paying hs bills, doing his HW 9we go to the same college), being his shoulder to cry on, being supportive of his goals and all that other stuff. ..
It was very sweet of you to do all this for him, but it was also clearly misinformed or just young. IMHO, this approach will never work with any decent man. I think you've learned a lot since you got away from him, and to go back to him would mean un-learning a lot.
Don't coddle any man. We all have to stand on our own 2 feet. You are no man's mommy until you have a son & he grows up. And even a grown son wouldn't benefit from being treated this way.
That said, I think you should be civil but distant with him. Be polite, but make it clear you will never be his gf again. I think he misses the coddling. Dang him!
Find a better man, there are lots of 'em out there. Best of luck & happiness to you!
I doubt you would doubt what to do or how to act if you read your post being from another person.
I hope you move on.
Sometimes people come into our lives for specific reasons. Many relationships are not meant to last forever, they happen because that is what we need at that particular time in our lives. We need the wisdom that will come from a certain kind of experience. And that is sufficient...a relationship doesn't have to be permanent to be worthwhile. In fact, trying to stretch out a short-term relationship past its point never works.
Accept the fact that this man came into your life to teach you an important lesson. And you have learned the lesson. The relationship fulfilled its purpose.
Now take what you've learned and practice it in your next relationship. You will be much happier.
A friend of mine said that relationships last for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Might be what Eva is hinting at.
IF I COULD HELP...
Should I email him back and if so what should I say?
IF YOU LIKE HIM YOU CAN E-MAIL HIM AND TALK TO HIM ABOUT PERSON TO PERSON THINGS, NOT PERSONAL THINGS UNLESS YOU ARE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING MORE.
How should I behave around him in class?
WITH THE POWER BESTOWED UPON YOU BY THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU ARE NOT A COWARD AND THAT YOU WANT TO BECOME A MATURE PERSON AND NOT A LITTLE DOG.
Should I remain civil to him or just be a bitch?
ALWAYS CIVIL AND WITH A GENEROUS PINCH OF (KIND NOT NASTY) HUMOR.
Do you think he realizes that he lost a good thing and wants me back not that I would take him back.....
CHANGE TAKES ABOUT 5 YEARS. IF HE WAS BLIND TO YOU A FEW MONTHS AGO DO NOT EXPECT HIM TO FULLY APPRECIATE WHAT HE HAS LOST, AND HOW HE HAS TREATED YOU. BELIEVE IN HIS SELFISH NATURE, DON'T DESPISE HIM FOR IT AND YET ACT ACCORDINGLY. I.E, BE CAREFUL!
Does anyone have a similar experience and what did you do?
I WAS VERY VERY PATIENT AND I PUT UP WITH A LOT OF ****.
MIND YOU, FIRST OF ALL, I MADE ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN THAT THE PERSON IN QUESTION WAS WORTH THE EFFORT & THE PAIN (AND IT SURELY HAS TAKEN A LOT OF BOTH).
NOW, AFTER 10 YEARS, THINGS ARE BEGINNING TO SHAPE UP, BUT ONLY SLOWLY.
I'm not sure if he is stil with his gf who lives in NY, we live in Louisiana so I'm not sure.
WHAT YOU ARE NOT SURE OF YOU MUST NOT TRY TO IMAGINE OR CONTROL. ONLY CONTROL WHAT IS YOURS TO CONTROL. ALL ELSE BELONGS TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD. TRY TO GET A FEEL FOR THE WEE TINY SIZE OF PEOPLE COMPARED TO THE INMENSITY OF THE WORLD. BE WISE AND NEVER TRY TO CONTROL WHAT IS OUT OF YOUR REACH. IT'LL ONLY FRUSTRATE YOU, MAKE YOU WRONG AND MAKE OTHERS ANGRY AT YOU.
HIS GF IS HIS BUSINESS. NOT YOUR BUSINESS.
He hurt me so much, I let him use me and treat me bad......
LEARNING PROCESS. WELL DONE. GOT GET WET TO KNOW WHAT THE RAIN FEELS LIKE. NOW YOU CAN MAKE WISER CHOICES.
I needed to love myself more and now I do......
BE CAREFUL WITH THIS "LOVE YOURSELF" BUSINESS. LIFE IS SIMPLER THAN WE THINK AND ONLY AGE AND EXPERIENCE CAN MAKE YOU LOVE YOURSELF MORE. NO AMOUNT OF LITERATURE WILL GET YOU THERE. AFTER ALL, YOU CAN READ ABOUT GIVING BIRTH BUT ONLY YOU WILL BE ABLE TO DESCRIBE WHAT IT'S REALLY LIKE.
since then I have tried to grow from this bad experience. No longer do I cry over him or wonder what he's doing every minute.
AMAZING, ISN'T IT, THE BRUTAL POWER OF INFATUATION. I LIKE TO THINK OF IT AL IN TERMS OF HORMONS AND THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE IT ISN'T ALL MY DOING AND THAT MY VERY BIOLOGICAL NATURE HAS A LOT TO DO WITH CIRCUMSTANCES.
I think I have made progress......I'm doing well in school and stuff.....
GREAT TO HEAR!
but I would like some advice on this. I dont want this guy back.....just want some answers. Thanks for reading.....
ALL THE VERY BEST TO YOU.
JOE
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