help please

junebee--

Please accept my sympathy. You posted here and I hope we can give you all the help that you deserve in a most harrowing situation.

Please let us know what we can do. We care.

junebee, sorry to hear about this tragedy. I think this forum is a good start, but you should seek some kind of professional help to cope. It sounds like this event is too much for any one person to handle alone. And whatever you do, remember that you can only control yourself, and no one else...do not take the weight of blame squarely on yourself.

I second DD's advice... there is no way you could take complete blame for what happened; a decision like suicide is always *somehow* made, in some part, by the individual himself. No matter what you could have done or couldn't do, if the will ever existed in him, you cannot be blamed for it, imo.

It's not a normal reaction, to kill oneself after a separation... it's not a normal cause/effect, it's not a "you did this, SO he did this justifiably" issue. It's very much a case of you doing what you thought could be safe, and him responding in an unexpected (it appears that way, correct me if I'm wrong) and extreme manner.
It's not completely your fault, so do try not to feel so guilty as you seem... He was weakened in spirit to contemplate suicide. I have the feeling that he'd considered it before, for it to even be an option now. Again, this is why I insist that you not completely blame yourself, since it clearly looks like a fault in -him- primarily.

You have my sympathy... and yes, DD is also right about the professional help.

However, in the meantime, I believe it would be best to not linger on that image. Whenever you think of it, replace it with happiness, NOT sadness, NOT guilt, nothing negative! If you believe in an afterlife, imagine him there, not in the state of being that he ended his life on Earth. (This sounds a little silly, but whenever someone close to me passed on, I always did this.. sometimes it'd make me smile instead of cry) Try to put as positive a spin on this as you can... Consider it all as his weakness, and remember the times you spent together. Remember, you did not cause his death!! He was already prone to do it... A person does not decide to commit suicide magically, because of one random event. It's something that builds and grows in them over time... never the result of one isolated event.

-hugs- best of luck to you.

Junebee--

You are not responsible for your husband's decision to commit suicide. He had a number of ways to respond to your request for a separation and he chose to be dramatic and hurtful.

You are not responsible for the choice he made.

Junebee --

Listen to these people. They are right.

You did not kill him. You did not make the decision to end his life, HE did. That was entirely his choice. You would NEVER have chosen that. So don't blame yourself for his mistake.

Yes, I said "mistake." Because that's exactly what it was. He didn't handle things well. You cannot see things clearly right now, and that's okay. After all, it just happened. Give yourself some time. And be gentle with yourself.

My father committed suicide. It took quite awhile for all of us to sort out our feelings and see things clearly. I went to my family doctor and asked for a reference for a support group. It helped me immensely in the first few months, just having others to talk to who knew what I was dealing with. And a safe place to tell the story again and again until I no longer needed to tell it.

Guilt is one of the major issues you will deal with. Abandonment and anger are others. It's serious stuff. I recommend you talk to people who know how to handle it the right way.

Know this: You CAN and WILL get through this.

(((HUGS)))

--Eva

Junebee....honey, you are not responsible for this. Please find someone to help you with your grief and your guilt. There isn't any reason for you to feel guilt, but I know you do. I felt the same way when one of my childhood friends comitted suicide. I thought, I just saw him last night....if I had said this or if I had done that....it took a lot of time just talking about it and coming to terms with it to realize that I had not done anything wrong. And neither did you.

Like Eva said, this is gonna be hard. But having a strong support group is something that will help you get through this. Every day you'll wake up a little bit better and it will hurt a little less. The sadness might not completely go away (I still miss him), but it becomes less and less of a cross on your shoulders. One day you'll wake up and the first thing you'll think of is a memory, and it will make you smile instead of cry.
Just remember that you don't have to "get over it". You never will get over it. You will just get used to it.

We are all here for you if you need to come and just throw down some thoughts, rant, cry, rage....but please seek a professional who can help you with your individual situation. And remember, when things get really bad, repeat to yourself "This too, shall pass."

God bless and take care of yourself. (((((((((((((junebee)))))))))))))

Something does not compute:

http://www.able2know.com/forums/search.php?search_author=junebee

hm.......Ok, now I am confused.

Yes it does. Another jokster. Sometimes you just know when a post is bs, right Phoenix?

Got an explanation, junebee? We'd sure like to hear it.

If this is your idea of a joke, it's the most classless and shameful attempt I've ever seen.

Kinda along the line of Munchausen Syndrom by Proxy.

I also wanna see what happens here...........

"as long as you are happy i will be happy'

Takes all kinds:

"She" hooked and crooked, (happens to Social Workers all the time) Got to admit, she had me for a minute. Welcome aboard JUNE; it's going to be fun watching you.

My advice stands, whether junebee is for real or not.

You never know...someone else out there could be dealing with a similar issue and could learn from what we write here.

Still, I would like to hear back from junebee about the inconsistencies in her posts. I'd rather not jump to conclusions just yet.

well i dont feel as if i need to explane anything to anyone but i do apricate all the advice that everyone has given. so i will go into it a little. me and my husband had problems(everyone does) i had met someone (my bf) from the previous post. well me and my husband sat down and talked told him everything he really wanted to work things out and so did i. but i told him that i needed to try this new relationship and see if i could start over with my life. no harsh words were spoken we told eachother that we loved eachother and i left when i came back the next morning to talk to him. that is when i found him. just because i wanted to start over just because i left that night dose not mean in any way shape or form that i did not love him. now everyone has a little more insite into what happend and what is happening. So now do you see why i feel so gulity???? it is my fault isnt it???

when i sent the post on the 20th i had forgot that i had previously sent one. and did not feel as if i needed to go into all of the details with everyone. i am sorry if i made you feel as if you were betraied that was not my intention..just thought i might be able to get a little advice from other points of view.