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Latin translation improvement

 
 
Reply Mon 8 Jan, 2018 03:03 am
Dear all,
As an assignment I was asked to translate Jesus' birth from the Bible into Classical Latin. This is my attempt, I would be grateful for any improvements.


Maria et Iosephus in Galilaea habitabant. Maria Iosephum, et Iosephus Mariam amabat. Maria olim in villa sua erat, ubi subito angelus pulcherrimus apparuit. angelus ei dixit: “timere non debes, Maria. quamquam pauper es, filium clarum habebis. nomen eius Iesus erit.” cum angelus e villa egressus esset, Maria Iosepho dixit se filium habituram esse.

postea quod Romani censum habebant, Augustus imperavit ut omnes ad urbem patrum redirent. cum Iosephus in Iudaea natus esset, Maria et Iosephus Bethlehem iter fecerunt. mox propter itineris difficultates Maria maxime fessa erat; itaque tabernam petiverunt ut requiescerent. tot tamen cives Bethlehem adveniebant ut omnibus in tabernis cubiculum invenire non possent. tandem caupo benignus eos hortatus est ut in pluteo dormirent; ibi Maria filium peperit, quem pannis involvit et in praesepium posuit.

interea agricolae in monte pecora custodiebant, ubi subito clarissima luce attoniti erant. magnopere timebant ne laederentur; itaque manus sustulerunt ut clementiam orarent. lux tamen erat angelus Dei, qui eis imperavit ne timerent. dixit se eis bona nuntiaturum esse: filium Dei Iesum nomine natum esse et eos infantem in praesepio inventuros esse. cum agricolae ad pluteum advenissent, infantem Iesum iacentem in praesepio viderunt et maxime gaudebant.

ea nocte, tres homines sapientes stellam maximam quae in caelo erat conspexerunt. unus hominum sibi putavit: “haec est signum : novus rex natus est.” hoc dicto, Bethlehem profecti sunt ut suum regem viderent et ei dona darent.



Thanks in advance!
 
George
 
  3  
Reply Tue 9 Jan, 2018 09:59 am
Some minor suggestions:
* use domus rather than villa (which suggests a country house)
* use the more common noli timere
* nomen ei (dative) rather than nomen eius
* the verb censere (to take a census)
* use deversorium for "inn"
* pastores for "shepherds"
* magi for "wise men"

I think you did a great job!

kadenpradhan
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Feb, 2018 06:20 am
@George,
Thank you very much! Funnily enough, the corrections I received from my teacher turned out to be pretty much the same things that you mentioned! People should make sure to always ask you their Latin questions!!
George
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Feb, 2018 08:12 am
@kadenpradhan,
You're welcome kadenpradhan.
Good luck with your studies!
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