Married 3 months, think husbands ADD is affecting us...

Reply Tue 18 Jan, 2005 09:31 pm
My husband was diagnosed with adult ADD a couple of years ago. He went on medication for awhile and it helped him focus a lot. However, he could never gain any weight and wasn't his usual humorous, happy self. So he went off the pills and changed for the better. We have been married now for 3 months and didn't live together prior to this. I thought we'd have a crazy sex life since we could finally do it whenever we wanted, wherever we wanted, whatever! since we had our own home. But it hasn't been that way at all. I think psychologically I am still adjusting to living with another person and all the life changes. Plus, I just found out 2 weeks ago that he has been hiding 3 credit card bills from me totalling about 1,500.00 in debt - spending out of control in the last month (impulsivity - condition of ADD). That hurt me pretty bad. We tried having sex the other day and I didn't feel a thing. Do you think all these thoughts and feelings are buried deep down inside of me to the point where I can't be in the right mind to be sexual? I feel like I am killing my husbands ego. He has been wonderful, saying we'll get thru it. People always told me the first year or two of marriage would be the hardest. Now I get why.
Does anyone have any opinions or experiences to share with me on living with someone with adult ADD and/or how I should deal with my problems?
Thanks in advance.
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Reply Tue 18 Jan, 2005 09:45 pm
Spending impulses are more of a manic depressive trait. Perhaps he was misdiagnosed.
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Reply Tue 18 Jan, 2005 11:26 pm
They are also an ADD trait. Plus, some 'normals' do it too.
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Reply Wed 19 Jan, 2005 01:26 am
You should try contacting Dorinne Davis out of New Jersey. Visit thedaviscenter.com and look through the different sound-based therapies they have. I think they can help.
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Reply Wed 19 Jan, 2005 06:38 am
Kmac- You knew that your husband had ADD when you married him. You need to understand that it will be an ongoing problem.

We had friends whose husband has ADD. The wife had the patience of a saint...........she had to, because if she didn't, there would be no way that they could have lived together. She was always there for him when he screwed up. She had to work like a dog, because he was constantly losing jobs, and she needed to be the primary breadwinner, although they had two children. He spent money on things that they could not afford.

My suggestion would be for you to find a therapist who has had lots of experience with people with ADD. Talk to him/her, and discuss the pitfalls of living with a person who has this condition.

You need to decide, before you have a family, whether you want the responsibility of living with a man with a serious, chronic condition. There must have been something that you saw in your husband that made you want to marry him. You need to decide whether that "something" is enough for you to want to spend your life with this man. Good luck!
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