@izzythepush,
You're fine Izzy, you are are right, I am blissfully happy and I have a few good friends who I get along with and my father and mother were both loving towards me throughout my entire life while they were living.
They were both old when they died... I miss them terribly but they gave me the best of themselves so I would go on and become a son they could be proud of.
I have 130,000 YouTube followers whom I also love dearly each and every one of them.
I have devoted my life to making them feel good about themselves. In seeing them filled with warmth and love I am justified in my own right.
I will not be badgered by someone who is mean and rotten to even their own mother...
I have 4 years of sobriety and I guess I am also "sorry" too that I did not get smarter/sober in my life sooner.
Better late than never.
There was a time long ago when I was truly disliked on this forum. Back when I was a republican. Every post that I posted got voted down. Some really good people here reasoned tirelessly with me and helped me understand some very vital things.
It wasn't until I took a long hard look at myself and the republican party and realized they really did not represent me. The religion I was following was nothing but a bunch of deceptions that I had somehow learned to stubbornly believe in.
These religious deceptions were eating me up from within. I was not aware of the full extent of this damage. Nor did I realize that I could just leave religion completely and become an agnostic.
Fox News which I watched nearly all day was turning me into a war mongering racist.
They "almost" had me hating the Spanish language. And people who spoke it. Fox was trying to turn me into a hater. I am too smart to let that happen.
I had to unlearn a lot but they never got to the core of me.
They never turned me into a liar or a racist, like I see so many of them have become. My parents raised me to love people and cultures. My mom used to call me her "good son"...
I became a democrat, not a green party or independent but a progressive democrat who leans a little toward the moderate side.
Now I am liked and I like myself. I had to change, I had to say enough religion, I am done.
I can now participate in any and all religions freely and take only the best parts from them. The most loving parts.
I am finally free... Free to love people and free to love myself and not carry the condemnation that religion chained me with. Never being good enough for the bible's "God"... It is the honest ones who are hurt the most by religion.
I do the same thing with the Bible, take the loving parts and toss the rest in the garbage.
Liberty is greater than that submission and slavery.
I don't pray very often, only when someone I love is sick. I pray to whoever might be there.
I figure if there is a God it behooves them to care about the sick and dying...
If people say they love God and do not love others they certainly do not love God. For if they cannot love the seen then how can they love the unseen?
I saw angry hate in the republican party of liars and greedy hypocrites... and I have never looked back. I am happy to be a democrat and I feel like democrats are my true family now.
It is nice being popular to some degree, but it comes with great responsibility ...that I never become greedy and too full of myself.
That I always think of others too. And when I don't there are consequences and I need to understand that there is a cost. I just hope I find it in myself or there will always be someone there to teach me to be considerate and loving to others. Even alcoholics come with a lot of baggage and anger issues.
We are all imperfect but it is how we overcome our imperfections that creates character and worth in a person.
It is never too late to change and get on the right side of things.
Lots of love Izzy!