@bulmabriefs144,
I can't fault you for turning to religion for answers. At first it seems dazzling and intelligent.
I got ordained as clergy, I was like you, involved heavily in the church.
I was better then, but definitely not my best.
The church, God, Jesus and all 12 apostles made me nauseous every day and conflicted inside.
Because I swallowed their line of crap and believed it.
Maybe God of the Bible was once moral but cunning (mostly) men slithered in and added their hate to the words there and corrupted God.
I lived each day both loving and hating myself.
I suggest when the time is right for you, dump the whole religious thing ASAP.
You can always keep the good things but you certainly shouldn't subscribe fully to it.
This frees you to be part of every religion equally... and also take from each of them what is good and also as well, dump the rest.
The Bible and its God hates you...
The people who fully subscribe to the Bible also hate you and they hate themselves because the Bible hates them. (for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God) (So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.)
We are "all" in the flesh.
This is why the conservatives are all miserable and the wolves among them vote for Trump and his minions. These are the most tortured by the unholy book.
When I consciously left Christian religion I was at first baffled.
I thought, who will I pray to? How can I do this? Do I pray to the Christian God I have made up in my head?
I pray to the Earth and Sun if I need to ask for things, for mostly other people in need, when the need arises.
The first thing I noticed was an immediate weight lifted from my heart. I became free. Something I have not ever felt before. Completely free.
Religion was a prison. Though it had some very good truth the amount of negativity was something I did not realize. This negativity got inside me and tried to "constantly" rip me apart. Every day I lived in fear of "God"...
When you reduce this God to a myth then you can be what you really are. How the Earth made you to be.
Religious people are fucked and they have no idea how fucked they are until they stop believing in the whole crazy thing.
If there is a real God it certainly did not crawl up from the pages of the Bible.
The truth is God is probably all around us and the Bible has usurped the God of our world and transformed that God into hateful and ignorant beast.
They dressed that God beast in pure white robes and surrounded him with blessed heavenly angels but inside are the multitude of bones of its many unfortunate victims.
The Bible does have some truth but so does any book.
It is the lies that are the serious problem.
Religious people will twist and contort reality to its upmost extent to make those lies seem true.
They are not true...
Free yourself.
If there is a God they do not want you conflicted.
The true God is the God of this world... This is where true peace lives.
In the sunsets and the waves gently rolling into the shore.
In the family of humanity and, science is our Bible...