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Fri 14 Jan, 2005 04:13 pm
Simple laughs for a bad day:
How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path.
How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!
What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick.
What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quatro Sinko.
What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.
What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.
What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.
Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.
Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.
What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.
What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer
this is mostly for you kristie.
you have a crappy weekend ahead.
anytime you want to cry, just think of a monkey's big nostrils and why they are big. You will make it. ;-)
What do you call a wood that has nothing to do?
Board
That's the only one I know
What swims in the ocean and has two knees?
A two knee fish
Here is one of my favorites....ahem-
What is the first thing a wife does in the morning?
She kisses her ass goodbye......................then she sends him off to work.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs?
Mat
What do you call a woman who has one leg shorter then the other?
Eileen. ( i - lean )
Why God Made Eve
10. God was worried that Adam would frequently
become lost in the garden because he would
not ask for directions.
9. God knew that one day Adam would require
someone to locate and hand him the remote.
8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy
himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would
therefore need Eve to buy one for him.
7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a
doctor's dentist's or haircut appointment by himself.
6. God knew Adam would never remember which night
to put the garbage on the curb.
5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men
would never be able to handle the pain and
discomfort of childbearing.
4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never
remember where he left his tools.
3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his
troubles on when God caught him hiding in the
garden.
2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be
alone."
And, finally, the Number 1 reason why
God created Eve....
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He
stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can
do better than that!"
What kind of salad did they serve on the Titanic?
Iceberg lettuce.
What kind of dog goes "tick tock"?
A watch dog.
What do you get if you cross a Jehovah's Witness with a Unitarian?
Someone who comes knocking on your door but he's not quite sure why.
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