Divorce in general

My parents didn't get divorced until I was much older... it wasn't until then that I realized that it should have happened a long time before. My mom stayed because of me and my siblings. You asked: But if you are a single parent, would you rather have a husband or wife helping you?

The problem with that was the other spouse was not helping out at all... in fact he was holding back. My mother would have done a lot better by herself then she did with him. As a side bonus it forced him to get his act together in order to survive. Everybody is better off becasue of this.

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"But if you are a single parent, would you rather have a husband or wife helping you?"

I mean if you were a single mother, wouln't you wish you had a male figure in the house every day? Or if a single father, wish you had a female influence for your kids?

Living in a hateful environment is the worst thing that could ever happen to a kid.

Here's a scenario I have problems with sometimes,

You love your wife and kid. Around five years into your marrige, you decide you don't find your wife attractive any more. Or you find somebody else you find more attractive or even love more. Maybe you just get board. The main thing here is that you still love that person just not as a husband or wife.

Are these ok reasons for divorce or would you just stay miserable until your kid is old enough?

Little children have a lot of wisdom. They can sense when something is wrong between mommy and daddy, even if the two of them are not beating up on each other. It is a very stressful way for children to live. Besides, many children get the notion that somehow it is their fault that their parents don't get along.

In an ideal world, reasonable parents would work things out. But this is NOT an ideal world. Bottom line, IMO, kids are better off with one parent in a peaceful home, than with two parents who create a lot of angst in their lives.

Heck, some days everybody and their brother seems more attractive than my husband.

But that's probably because I haven't had to wash their underwear for 20 years.

Its the fantasy of someone else that is attractive.

Not the reality.

But I really don't see how if you love your spouse and your kids that it is even possible to fall into romantic love with someone else.

Lust maybe.

Infatuation for sure.

But love?

I don't think so.

I'm with Phoenix here. My parents divorced when I was 9. I remember my mother sitting us down on the sofa and explaining she'd left our father for good. We were so happy! In fact we were so incredibly overjoyed, we felt obligated to tone it down to please mom. Not kidding! All of our lives were much better after the divorce.

I also think Boomerang has a very good point. Periods of boredom are typical in long-term relationships. They pass. So does infatuation with someone else.

I personally know more than one person who's staying in a marriage "just for the kids." In my opinion, they are not helping their kids at all. Kids KNOW.

If you feel you no longer love your wife "in that way", that is if this is a real situation and not just theoretical, tell her. She deserves to know, and your kid probably already does know.

I'm not trying to hate, it's just that I know to many young people (my peers) who got married with kids and then decided to throw it all away for a fling with some cooler/more attractive guy or girl. I've seen it many times. Maybe it has to do more with the fact that they got married too young. I just feel bad for the kids i guess.

Whether they live together or apart, it's important and best for the children that the two parents be FRIENDS .

well. obviously the BEST option would be for the parents to figure out what's wrong with themselves and take care of their relationship, i agree with the previous posters yes it's always better for the children to have a healthy enviroment, imo this means getting a divorce and getting with someone who is a healthy role model for the children asap.

funny thing about love, alot of people think it's a feeling they can't control, like it's something beyond their grasp, i'm very lucky to have learned otherwise at 20 years old, i wonder what the average age is when people learn that stuff, why isn't there a class in high school on it? i'm planning on teaching one eventually

My parents stayed together 'for the sake of the kids' which was a joke because we would have been MUCH happier if they had split up.

Your hypothetical five year boredom is extremely common and oftentimes temporary. I think people start taking each other for granted and forget that relationships take work from both parties.

There's a fine line between total trust on one person's part and feeling taken for granted on the other's. There's also the point, typically about 5 to 7 years into a marriage when you think the spark is gone forever and the things that attracted you to your mate in the first place are the very things that drive you crazy now. For instance, maybe you liked the fact that your mate was funny and the life of the party. After a few years you've heard all the jokes and seen all the partying and it all becomes old. Or say you were mutually attracted to each other because you were both independent and didn't want anyone too clingy. Maybe 5 years later you're both so independent you don't seem to share anything or have anything in common.

A friend gave me a book for a wedding present titled, 'Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples' by Harville Hendrix. At the time I thought it was a strange wedding gift but 10 years later when dh and I were going through a 'I feel disconnected from you' stage I pulled it out and got a lot of insight from it. We hung in there and talked and talked and talked and came out of that time with a greater love than we'd ever had.