boyfriend cheated on me with a hooker

He doesn't know why?

He owes you a better explanation. What happened tht nite?

Did his friends also cheat on their spouses/GF?

well then that's that isn't it

you've made your decision

time to go home eh

thats what i've said is I need to understand why you did it. Like doing it is bad enough the reasoning isn't going to be any better but I need an explanation for his actions.

he was out on works Christmas Party and no they don't. I think there is one that does but he was out with his Girlfriend.

Its really messed my head up

I know but I am just literally uplifting my life again and resettling after over 6 years of not living there (meet my boyfriend travelling.)

usually it's pretty easy to understand why someone fucks someone else - because they want to and the other person will

he wanted to, she was apparently available

it's not really that complicated

has he made any suggestions for what actions he could take that would make you trust him in the future?

Why do you want to shift your decision to other people? You're the only person who need to make your own decision. It's you who live your life, but not other people.


There are different possibilities that he cannot tell you the answer you want.

He probably don't want to talk, because he think it is unhelpful, or he likely doesn't consciously realise why he did that.

Sometimes you don't get the answer, because you don't frame your question well.

For example, you can ask what he can get from a sex worker if he thinks he cannot get from you. Obviously there's certain need that you cannot offer to meet his desire so that he had to pay for. Are both of you happy in your sex life?

I would suggest you talk to each other openly and discuss the present and future of your relationship when both of you calm down, without accusation, but communicate with each other for the purpose of mutual understanding, and find a solution for both of you.

Hold on a second.

Everyone here, including myself can have an opinion on what "you" should do. But really you need to ask yourself what you should do.

1. Can you live with this?
2. Can you give him a chance to never do it again while you are with him?
3. Can he be trusted?
4. Was he honest when he said it was a mistake?


Was there something you did that caused it to happen? I am not saying you are actually at fault for his behavior. What I am saying is, guys don't stray for no reason. Sure if they are offered an opportunity some might take it even if they are happy with their girlfriend. But that isn't a solid fact. Is he sex starved?

I think your answer on what to do comes from you answering your own questions.

If you can forgive him and give him a second chance. Then do that. If you can't then you need to find a way to move on without him. It's that simple. Although when I say simple here, I understand there are feelings, and logistical issues to deal with. So in that sense it will be hard, very hard. But don't let that trap you in something you can't emotionally deal with.

This is how I would treat it. Most people I date have slept with someone else prior to my relationship with them. Treat this as if you weren't together. I know it sounds silly but would you be mad that he has had sex before you two got together? Because if that is an issue then you might as well pack up and return home.

He’s just been saying how sorry he is and telling me how much he loves me etc. He said he will do anything and doesn’t want me to go. He’s suggested a date night tonight but I’m a bit skeptical cause it is still fresh. He does seem sincere with what he is saying but I’m just finding it hard to understand why he did it and how I am supposed to either forget and move on or just leave

I’m not asking people for a decision, but more advice on how they would handle the situation or if someone has gone through a similar situation before. My head is going in circles at the moment and sometimes you need a perspective from people who have no inside views on us. Thanks for your suggestions though I will continue to speak and discuss this with him

I know I am the only person who can make these decisions but I was just looking for some guidance.

There isn’t anything besides the fact he is working away at the moment but we have always had a good sex life and he hasn’t ever brought up any complaints. He always has expressed how good it was instead. I even asked about is there something you wanted I couldn’t give or wasn’t doing and he said no. So unless he is embarrassed by it I don’t know.

I know everyone has a past and I understand that but you don’t expect someone to create a past whilst they are in a committed relationship with you

Sure, take the “advice and guidance” (aka tell me what to do so I can blame you if it doesn’t work out) from complete strangers who may or may not be more fucked up than you can ever imagine.

So your “head is going in circles”. And? Welcome to the human condition. Instead of reaching out and seeking attention and pity for your horrible plight of being temporarily confused, how about letting yourself experience the discomfort of confusion and allowing your thoughts to settle over time so you can decide for yourself.

No one here can possibly care as much as you do about your situation. I’m certain you have already thought of everything each person has already said. It’s not as if there’s that much to say about it quite honestly.

Go figure it out the way billions of people in the past have, and stop asking people you don’t know about very personal matters.

I think the whole idea of a "committed relationship" is an arbitrary social construct. I mean would you ever use it in terms of a friendship? No people would think that is silly that you could only have 1 friend at a time. Because you are committed to just them. Yet for a romantic relationship, it must be committed? Why? There is nothing else in life that you behave this way towards. You never commit anything else so why is this some strange exception?

How about you stop running your mouth and sitting on your high horse. Didn’t your mother ever teach you if you have nothing nice to say don’t say it at all. Seeking attention from complete strangers like you who ? Not a chance. As I said I wanted an outlet that was unbiased for me to get my thoughts out.

I would suggest you spend your time elsewhere

That is an interesting way to think. Call me old school though, I don’t really think it is okay to have mutilple relationships in a romantic one.

I appreciate your view though.

It sounds like you are still keeping the door open about the future, but want some answers.

I guess one thing I would want to know is if he did this on his own, or was he swept away with the crowd (other guys) and they all took part in the same thing.

I would want to know if he has done this before. Social group, Cultural or family OK with the men going to prostitutes?

I would want to know if he was under the influence of alcohol or other drugs.

I would want an "all clear" health report.

I would want to know where I was in his life. Was this his way of getting rid of me, since this would be a deal breaker?

He really needs to be able to verbalize an apology that includes what he did. He is not talking about what he did, and is using the excuse that he "doesn't know." Perhaps counseling would help him verbalize. Meanwhile, his head is in the sand. He might be that way about other issues in your relationship, when he there is conflict.

Only you can figure out what to do.

As for me? I would put some distance between us for a while. He needs to digest the consequences of just what he could lose because he won't look at his own behavior and verbalize an authentic apology.

I know you aren't here to explain anything. Not to derail your topic but I am curious as to why you don't think, "it is okay to have mutilple relationships in a romantic one. "

I have been waiting for the OP to answer this interesting question you posed to her but not sure she will respond to. When you posed the question to the OP, I was puzzled and asked myself why I couldn't accept it either for a while, but soon I found the answer for myself.

If you read her words again, actually she has told us the reason.



I would interpret:

Because I'm old school, so it is not okay for me to ...

old school = conventional values, faith, etc that the family and society instill into mold of the individual life that shapes us more or less since people were born.

It seems to me you and some other people (try to ) break the mold, and see more options and possibilities, however many of us, no matter men or women, are unable to break and don't even consciously realise there are more options.

And besides the mold, there are also the differences in genders about psychologies that affect the options.

Of course, the interpretation of OP's words is on the basis of my assumption which could be inaccurate or wrong, as I am not her and don't live in her thoughts and I apologise if so. Or please just take it as my answer if you would ask me the same question.

Is it possible that he was led into it by the others in the drinking party? I mean that it is well known that the more people in the group the harder it is to be different or to not react to their goading.
Another possibility is that maybe he was thinking that it would only be a message......?

Allowing that he was drunk at the time, unless there are more signs, I would ask these questions of him and if you truly love him, give him another chance for your love.