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How to leave a supportive message for a guy freind whose been broken up lately?

 
 
Reply Sat 9 Dec, 2017 04:53 pm


Hello everyone
I ve got a guy friend for this very long time. I loved him once. I still love him but in a very different way. Not romamtically any more. His heart has been broken lately. He looks sad. That makes me really sad too but I went totaly blank when he was telling me he has broken up and couln t really say much to emphasize with him. I like to be supportive. I like to offer my help. I thought to leave him a message and tell him I m there if he ever wants to talk to some one. Still I don t want to talk in a way as if I am trying to use this situation for my benefits because I m not. I also don t want him to feel vulnerable and I don t want to invade his privacy. I wonder how should I choose the right words in the message. Any help would be appriciated. Thank you.
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 584 • Replies: 6
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centrox
 
  2  
Reply Sat 9 Dec, 2017 06:31 pm
@valengist,
valengist wrote:
I thought to leave him a message and tell him I m there if he ever wants to talk to some one.

You wrote the words yourself. The fact that you 1. cannot see that; 2. ask for stylistic advice suggests that a lot of this is "about you". My advice is "say nothing". He'll ask you for help if he wants to.
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PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Sun 10 Dec, 2017 06:33 am
Just make it very generic: "Sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time. My thoughts are with you."

Don't offer anything more if you are concerned that it might be mistaken for anything more than just distant concern.


centrox
 
  2  
Reply Sun 10 Dec, 2017 06:52 am
@PUNKEY,
PUNKEY wrote:
Just make it very generic

Yes. Such messages should be simple, plain, and short.
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maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Sun 10 Dec, 2017 08:35 am
@valengist,
Open a door, and then let him walk through it if he chooses.

There is nothing wrong with writing something nice on Facebook. There is nothing wrong with sending a text or an email. There is nothing wrong with inviting him for coffee. The key is that whatever you do, your are offering something (be it support, or a friendship, or to listen) rather than demanding something.



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izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Sun 10 Dec, 2017 08:46 am
@valengist,
When my wife died my father kept phoning me up asking how I was. It got a bit much. I'd spend all day dealing with things, try to relax in the evening by watching some telly to take my mind what was going on only to have him phone up to remind me of how awful things were.

In the end I had to tell him to stop phoning up because it wasn't doing any good at all.

Let your friend know you're there for him, but leave it at that. Sometimes people don't want to talk about things.
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jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sun 10 Dec, 2017 10:05 am
@PUNKEY,
PUNKEY wrote:

Just make it very generic: "Sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time. My thoughts are with you."

Don't offer anything more if you are concerned that it might be mistaken for anything more than just distant concern.




This. A generic, short offer of sympathy is perfectly fine. If he wants to interpret it as more, then he will.
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