Help me, I'm racist!

Reply Mon 4 Dec, 2017 05:21 pm
Hello everyone, I'm new here!
I want help with something I realized yesterday. And this is, Muslims scare me. I wanted to believe I hold nothing against any religion or any minority - my best friend is a Jew (cool with the Muslims btw), I have 1-2 gay friends and 1-2 from ethnic minorities, I'm basically only avoiding openly racist people-which is a bit ironic. But apparently, when someone wears a hijab I'm reluctant of becoming their friend. I'm not talking about small talk, that's ok, but about going out as friends and having fun together. Because
1) when I see a hijab I automatically classify that person as deeply religious, and I don't stick well with that kind of people. But I don't know if my assumption about hijab is right.
2) Yet, even if she isn't, how about her family and friends? What if they're some kind of fanatics and cause me problems? Because of the immigration problems, there is a huge number of Muslims and people feel threatened, mostly in matters of civilization. Me too, apparently.
3) Because of the above, I am afraid of the social impact of being good friend with a Muslim girl. I'm really bad with people, and have a huge way to go if I want to be able to talk every misinformed person into relaxing. I'm afraid I will bring fear to my loved ones.
I don't really know how to handle all of this... any advice?
Reply Mon 4 Dec, 2017 05:43 pm
Don't force this just because it's the PC thing to do.

Friendships need to be authentic. So if you don't have a common interest, then it's not going to happen.

If you are on the college campus, then join a group that promotes diversity or social causes. Friendships will develop naturally from that.

0 Replies
Reply Mon 4 Dec, 2017 05:46 pm
I think you're overthinking this.

I've got plenty of friends whose family I have never met, and I bet you do, too. So your #2 issue is kinda moot. Same with #1 - lots of people wear crosses, for example, yet they really aren't religious. Those two things don't go together 100% of the time and the same is true of women and girls who wear a hijab.

As for your #3, sometimes you have to make a choice when it comes to your loved ones. But talk to them. You might think they would have a fear response when they wouldn't. And the same thing with talking every misinformed person into relaxing. That's not your job. So I think your #3 is a lot of avoidance behavior.

Want to be friends with someone? Then do so. Don't? Then don't. The reason you are or aren't is your reason alone - you don't have to mention it to anyone, even if they ask.

And consider this. It is within living memory when people would be ostracized for being friends with someone of another sexuality, or faith, or race. The times, they are a-changin'. Better to be a part of that change than rail against it, for that is a losing cause.
Reply Tue 5 Dec, 2017 04:35 pm
Thank you both for your replies!

I'm not really pushing it - The main reason I didn't become friends with the particular person wasn't religion (we had common interests but she made me feel drained), but I were surprised to feel it also was a big part. It was good you mentioned it, though.

Jespah-I know what you mean about parents. However, all the friendships I choose become close, because I'm so damn picky, so I've met all the parents! You did shoot down my hijab=religious assumption though. It's a good step.
I am unbelievably avoidant to talk about any "difficult"subject, so I'm busted there! It's not just limited to racism, so I suppose I have to work on myself.
And you're right, times are changing. People here are still a bit traditional and jumpy, but things are gradually improving - in matters of sexuality and race, mostly, but I'm hoping that religious tension will also die down in time.
0 Replies
Reply Sun 10 Dec, 2017 02:39 am
A racist person would not want to change irrational fears, or even recognise those fears were irrational.

Muslims have been given a bad press recently so it's not surprising you have such feelings. The important thing is you're doing something positive about it.

Muslims are no different from any other group, if you get to know some you'll find that out. A lot of my neighbours are Muslim, and they're very nice people, even if some are like Mr Khan.

0 Replies

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