Help me, I'm racist!

Reply Mon 4 Dec, 2017 05:21 pm
Hello everyone, I'm new here!
I want help with something I realized yesterday. And this is, Muslims scare me. I wanted to believe I hold nothing against any religion or any minority - my best friend is a Jew (cool with the Muslims btw), I have 1-2 gay friends and 1-2 from ethnic minorities, I'm basically only avoiding openly racist people-which is a bit ironic. But apparently, when someone wears a hijab I'm reluctant of becoming their friend. I'm not talking about small talk, that's ok, but about going out as friends and having fun together. Because
1) when I see a hijab I automatically classify that person as deeply religious, and I don't stick well with that kind of people. But I don't know if my assumption about hijab is right.
2) Yet, even if she isn't, how about her family and friends? What if they're some kind of fanatics and cause me problems? Because of the immigration problems, there is a huge number of Muslims and people feel threatened, mostly in matters of civilization. Me too, apparently.
3) Because of the above, I am afraid of the social impact of being good friend with a Muslim girl. I'm really bad with people, and have a huge way to go if I want to be able to talk every misinformed person into relaxing. I'm afraid I will bring fear to my loved ones.
I don't really know how to handle all of this... any advice?
Reply Mon 4 Dec, 2017 05:43 pm
Don't force this just because it's the PC thing to do.

Friendships need to be authentic. So if you don't have a common interest, then it's not going to happen.

If you are on the college campus, then join a group that promotes diversity or social causes. Friendships will develop naturally from that.

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Reply Mon 4 Dec, 2017 05:46 pm
I think you're overthinking this.

I've got plenty of friends whose family I have never met, and I bet you do, too. So your #2 issue is kinda moot. Same with #1 - lots of people wear crosses, for example, yet they really aren't religious. Those two things don't go together 100% of the time and the same is true of women and girls who wear a hijab.

As for your #3, sometimes you have to make a choice when it comes to your loved ones. But talk to them. You might think they would have a fear response when they wouldn't. And the same thing with talking every misinformed person into relaxing. That's not your job. So I think your #3 is a lot of avoidance behavior.

Want to be friends with someone? Then do so. Don't? Then don't. The reason you are or aren't is your reason alone - you don't have to mention it to anyone, even if they ask.

And consider this. It is within living memory when people would be ostracized for being friends with someone of another sexuality, or faith, or race. The times, they are a-changin'. Better to be a part of that change than rail against it, for that is a losing cause.
Reply Tue 5 Dec, 2017 04:35 pm
Thank you both for your replies!

I'm not really pushing it - The main reason I didn't become friends with the particular person wasn't religion (we had common interests but she made me feel drained), but I were surprised to feel it also was a big part. It was good you mentioned it, though.

Jespah-I know what you mean about parents. However, all the friendships I choose become close, because I'm so damn picky, so I've met all the parents! You did shoot down my hijab=religious assumption though. It's a good step.
I am unbelievably avoidant to talk about any "difficult"subject, so I'm busted there! It's not just limited to racism, so I suppose I have to work on myself.
And you're right, times are changing. People here are still a bit traditional and jumpy, but things are gradually improving - in matters of sexuality and race, mostly, but I'm hoping that religious tension will also die down in time.
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Reply Sun 10 Dec, 2017 02:39 am
A racist person would not want to change irrational fears, or even recognise those fears were irrational.

Muslims have been given a bad press recently so it's not surprising you have such feelings. The important thing is you're doing something positive about it.

Muslims are no different from any other group, if you get to know some you'll find that out. A lot of my neighbours are Muslim, and they're very nice people, even if some are like Mr Khan.

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Reply Fri 20 May, 2022 04:34 pm
They are just like us and you should not feel anything at all. You see a pretty girl you have a pretty girl, you see a pretty guy you see a pretty guy. Yes many are upset but that is not all. If anything just get it off your chest and get it out of your system.

Lets understand a bit of history.

1. Britain pulled out of Iraq and divided Kuwait from it. That is why Iraq attempted to take back Kuwait. They did that because of the oil. USA got tied up because a general stupidly went on the defense of Israel ( the plan was to guard the UAE ).

2. Britain cohered USA to work together to bring down the elected official of Iran. Once again due to oil. Because of this when the royal came to power and it was found out it was an assassination against the elected official, Iran fell into civil-war and thus is the reason why Iran is not USA friend. USA and Iran was both best buds before 1955. This also resulted in the 1982 oil crisis ( energy crisis ) which we are still living in today.

3. Since 1910's people wanted a physical state of Israel. They brought artists, wealthy people, and so many EUROPEAN ( white people ), who was Jewish to help make it possible. When WWII happen many Jews ( WP ) fled into Palestine. The government was not prepared to take so many refugees. After WWII many Jews from camps was literally shipped to that area of the world ( these are people coming from one war ready to start another war ).

USA and many other nations of the west fuel tax dollars upon tax dollars ( as with Ukraine ) just indirectly support Israel. Same with Kuwait. Just look it up. In fact their are tons of other nations where storm hits and USA pours millions into every year.


The last 22 years Islamic / Arabic people have been under fire and attacked for years. Discriminated so much. They are no different then us ( not all of them ) but many are no different then the way we are, they live and think no differently.

So get it out of your head. You read the reasons for why the negative mentality towards the west but realize they are just like us, split down the middle.

Most people do not care at all or even know why anybody from that area of the world would have any problem with anybody. Before 2001 I believed that all people was just Indian. Now I can see the difference. It was all alien to me.
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Reply Fri 20 May, 2022 08:16 pm
Doesn't matter.

You know what? Admitting that certain people scare you is the first step to be an honest person. Certain people scare me too. Muggers and thugs scare me. People holding a knife or scimitar scare me.

Muslims are a religious group. Not a race. In fact, there are now Muslims in Sweden. Being rightfully concerned about a group rapidly gaining too much political power is not being racist.
It's being scared. Fear is a rational response to potential danger.

What is dishonest and irrational, is to pretend that you are not scared of something, just to prove you aren't racist. You're not racist. You're scared. Don't sweat it. You don't have to prove anything to anyone.

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Reply Tue 7 Nov, 2023 04:08 pm
We might recognize there are two racisms that could be toward any group. One then is the attitude, the other is action toward others of a certain group. Recognition of the attitude being racist can, though it does not necessarily follow, help a lot to avoid the actions that would be racist. By avoiding racist actions toward others and seeing what is in common with others as human beings can truly help any to grow out of being racist even in attitude.
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