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Sun 9 Jan, 2005 08:08 pm
Hello, This is my first post so I hope that yall will bear with me... Well here goes...
I have had a really rough life, that i don't plan on going in to detail about, and it has made me realize my goals in life and how important they are. While most females my age are out partying, drinking, smoking, doing drugs, sleeping around & running their grades into the ground I have worked hard to do the exact opposite. At seventeen I have accomplished more than most 30 year olds that I know and I have a passion for helping people and that has led me to want to be a doctor. I know this is kinda irrelevent to my post topic but i just wanted to give some background.
The age issue comes in because I find myself in a situation where I really care about someone who is 10 years older than me. He has been there for me through alot of hardships even though he lives 7 hours away. Now that I am moving to live with my uncle (I have to live in Florida for a year so I dont have to pay Out of State Tuition)I will be seeing him alot more than I used to. He has never ever pressured me about a relationship, never asked me to do anything physical... he's just not that type. He has told me that he cares about me. Since we met to this day he has not gotten involved with any other female. Now that I am getting ready to turn 18 and having a relationship with him would be legal I don't know whether to try it or not. I know that he has told my uncle (They are friends) that he would like to have a relationship with me but that since I am so much younger he wants me to be the one to bring it up. He doesn't want anyone to think that he is a pervert or that he is trying to manipulate me. Like I said before that just not the way he is. My mom is not totally excited about it but I think she is sort of relieved that I am interested in him other than the guys that are interested in me. All of them who see me as just another gorgoues brunette that they wanna get in bed. I guess what I am getting at is would it be just downright wrong to have a relationship with this wonderful guy that is 10 years older than me or should I just stick to trying to find someone more close to my age whose only interest isnt getting inside my pants?
Sorry for this being so long... Really
Shilo--
Welcome to A2K.
I adore giving advice, but before I jump in I'd like to know how you met this guy; what his relationship to your family is and where you want to be ten years from now.
You should know that I believe that there is more than one valid path to maturity.
I think that "trying to find someone" is always a bad idea.
ten years apart isnt bad if you ask me. my mom is dating someone 20 years older than her(almost exactly) and i find that just gross. i mean hes my grandmother's age. old enough to be my grandpa. twenty years is too much but i think 10 is fine. at least he's not old enough to be your dad. good luck with it.
Noddy,
I met this guy through my uncle, they have been good friends for about 3 or 4 years and he came up one year and spent christmas with us which is when we became really close friends b/c we were both going through some hard times, after that he started coming up and visiting us when my uncle did so he has spent two christmases and some other holidays with the family so I guess it's safe to say he's very well liked by the family. As for where i would like to be 10 years from now... finishing up Med School, Working towards opening my own practice, getting married and having kids... Pretty much in that order...
I don't think 10 years is too long. However, there's a much Bigger difference between 18 and 28 than there is between, say, 38 and 48.
I think it would be OK to see more of this guy. However, I don't think an exclusive relationship at this point in your life is a really good idea. There are so many people you've yet to meet!
I don't have too much experience with this kind of thing. I'm pretty old compared to you also at 25. Me personally if I knew a girl at 16 and it was perverted to think of her romantically then I would always think of her that way. Now if I never knew the girl until she 18 or 19 then I don't care if I was 50, I would have no doubts. It's just that when I think of a girl as being off limits for being too young I start to think of them as little sisters and ruins any attraction I might of had for them.
Now to get to your question, I think you have your life pretty well planned out. You have it too planned out for being so young. College tends to change what people want out of life. Stick to your carreer plans, but your social life really shouldn't be planned.
I agree with the rest of the advice--enjoy his company, but don't make Major Decisions until you're finished with your education and self supporting.
Good luck.
Thanks so much giving me advice...
Not to sound mean but....
Can you say Jail Bait? You are still a minor. This guys isn't. This could cause him some trouble. If he was smart, he'd wait until you were legal.
Age differences in relationships
My husband and I are (a whopping) 26 years apart in age.
He's 65, I'm 39. The generation gap shows up like a huge chasm sometimes when we disagree.
He came of age in the 50's and his mom was the quintessential June Cleaver. Note: She was a stay at home mom and never had a job outside the home as long as she lived.
I came of age in the 80's in a single parent household. My mom left when I was 10 and my brothers and sisters and I were raised by my dad.
I keep the house livably clean or as clean as can be expected with 4 teenagers (not his, BTW) in the house. I cook good, nutritious meals at least 3 times a week (No convenienvce food or Hamburger Helper). The kids cook the rest of the time. I do what I can with the time I have. I work 12 hours a day (6:00am to 6:00pm) / 4 days a week as a security officer for a major oil company.
He said that his mother got up every morning and fixed him breakfast and had dinner on the table at 6:30 on the dot every night. He complains that the kids don't get a "farmer's breakfast" before they go to school. I have discussed this with them and they are very content to and capable of fixing their own breakfast of cold cereal or hot cereal from the microwave with toast and juice.
He complains about the way I dress, the people I associate with (mostly family members or people in my own age group), and that the kids don't have jobs by the time they turn 13 years old. (He tells a story about putting in a grown man's day of work haying on his granddad's farm when he was "but a lad of 9". Yea, and he walked ten miles to school, uphill both ways.)
Yea, I've definitely had my run-ins with that generation gap. Believe you me.
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