1
   

What should i do now?

Forums: Relationships
Email this Topic • Print this Page
 
 
EMSFD125
 
Reply Thu 6 Jan, 2005 12:01 pm
ive posted a few times about this but the situation keeps changing and its confusing the hell outta me. Heres the deal...me and my gf are 17, weve been together on and off for 4 years. Both really care about eachother and are great friends. She just broke up with me because she said she ahd alot in her life she needed to deal with and she was really down and out. She says she still cares about me just as much as if we were going out and wants to go out again when things calm down. Until then though, i feel like i should stay close to her and be there for her because she obviously is having a hard time with something, what...i really dont know. But the thing is, like shes just so pissed off at the world and depressed sometimes that she gaffs me off and im just like, why bother. She told me her and her parents decided she should go speak to someone about her issues and ive supported it cause i want the old her back. But idk what to do anymore, i feel like she just doesnt want me around sometimes and i mean im 17, i feel like im married to her because we are so close, but i dont deserve to be treated like this right? Please help, idk what to do anymore.
  • Topic Stats
  • Top Replies
  • Link to this Topic
Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 765 • Replies: 9
No top replies

 
Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Jan, 2005 12:04 pm
The sad truth is you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. She sounds like she doesn't want to tell you what's going on. You can't make her. You need to tell her that if she can't confide in you than you can't just "hang around" waiting for her to explode.
0 Replies
 
EMSFD125
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Jan, 2005 12:09 pm
i dont think its that she wont tell me, i dont think she knows what it is either.
0 Replies
 
Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Thu 6 Jan, 2005 12:25 pm
EMSFD125 wrote:
i dont think its that she wont tell me, i dont think she knows what it is either.


hm, that makes it even harder...on both of you.

Perhaps you could hang around a little less close...let her know you are still there but that you think she needs to work on finding herself. And when she does, you'll be there. DO NOT guarantee you will be there romantically because you might not be. And don't expect her to be come back to you that way. If you truly care about each other, friendship will still be there when she gets back.

Good luck.
0 Replies
 
Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Jan, 2005 06:26 am
EMS--

In successful marriages each spouse is only a part of the other one's life.

There is no good reason for you to subsume your being into that of your confused girlfriend. She needs space and so do you. This would be true if you were 67 years old and had been married for 50 years.

You complain:

Quote:
She told me her and her parents decided she should go speak to someone about her issues and ive supported it cause i want the old her back. But idk what to do anymore, i feel like she just doesnt want me around sometimes and i mean im 17, i feel like im married to her because we are so close, but i dont deserve to be treated like this right? Please help, idk what to do anymore.


She's having emotional troubles; she's going to see a shrink and you want her to focus on you and the way you feel?

Your Ex's emotional problems are hers--and she's entitled to focus on them.

If you want to have the emotional resources to support her, get out and get a life. Find activities that make you a more accomplished, interesting and resourceful person.

She's having trouble right now--she needs to focus on her problems, not on you and your feelings of being neglected.
0 Replies
 
EMSFD125
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Jan, 2005 10:21 pm
no offense noddy, but i never said i wanted her to focus on me. I said i supported her because i want her to get help. Right now this has nothing to do with me and everything to do with her, so before you start making me out to be the controlling center of attention bf, please read my post again
0 Replies
 
Debra Law
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Jan, 2005 11:18 pm
Re: What should i do now?
EMSFD125 wrote:
She just broke up with me because she said she ahd alot in her life she needed to deal with and she was really down and out . . . But the thing is, like shes just so pissed off at the world and depressed sometimes that she gaffs me off and im just like, why bother. She told me her and her parents decided she should go speak to someone about her issues and ive supported it cause i want the old her back. But idk what to do anymore, i feel like she just doesnt want me around sometimes and i mean im 17, i feel like im married to her because we are so close, but i dont deserve to be treated like this right? Please help, idk what to do anymore.


Noddy was correct in assessing the situation. YOU are focusing on YOUR feelings and how YOU think YOU deserve to be treated. This is NOT about YOU.

Your ex-girlfriend is seeking professional help for her problems. She's not able to focus on your feelings. She broke up with you so she could have the space she needed to work on her other issues.

If you truly love her and want what is best for her, then you will respect her decision to work on getting better and give her the space she needs -- and you will do so without making this an issue about YOU and how YOU deserve to be treated.
0 Replies
 
EMSFD125
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Jan, 2005 11:35 pm
yes but there is a difference between me asking you about how this situation is effecting me, and taking this back to her. Ive been supportive with her and have never once told her this isnt fair to me. As a matter of fact, shes said that to me and ive denied it. As much as shes tried to say how this effects me...ive told her that wasnt important. So again, there is a difference between this post and my relationship with her. She doesnt know about my feelings and id like to keep it that way because she doesnt need to know right now. Its uneeded stress in her life. So can we can back to my original question instead of trying to analyze my faults.
0 Replies
 
Debra Law
 
  1  
Reply Sat 8 Jan, 2005 01:05 am
Re: What should i do now?
EMSFD125 wrote:
. . . But idk what to do anymore, i feel like she just doesnt want me around sometimes and i mean im 17, i feel like im married to her because we are so close, but i dont deserve to be treated like this right? Please help, idk what to do anymore.


EMSFD125 wrote:
yes but there is a difference between me asking you about how this situation is effecting me, and taking this back to her. Ive been supportive with her and have never once told her this isnt fair to me. As a matter of fact, shes said that to me and ive denied it. As much as shes tried to say how this effects me...ive told her that wasnt important. So again, there is a difference between this post and my relationship with her. She doesnt know about my feelings and id like to keep it that way because she doesnt need to know right now. Its uneeded stress in her life. So can we can back to my original question instead of trying to analyze my faults.


Your original question? Are you asking whether a boyfriend, who supports his girlfriend's efforts to resolve psychological/emotional problems, deserves to be dumped and shut out of her life?

Your situation is not a question about what you deserve or do not deserve. Therefore, if you don't like the responses that you've already received concerning the true issue in this matter, your question cannot be answered.

Does the situation suck? Yes. It sucks. It's difficult to be in love with someone who must necessarily put the resolution of her mental health issues ahead of her relationship with you. But, in final analysis, if she does not successfully address her mental health issues -- you and your ex-girlfriend can never have a healthy relationship. She's doing what she needs to do and whether you deserve to be dumped is simply irrelevant. It hurts to go through a break-up and I sympathize with your situation.
0 Replies
 
Debra Law
 
  1  
Reply Sat 8 Jan, 2005 02:10 am
Just another quick observation:

Life doesn't always deal us the cards we deserve to have in our hands in accordance with the way we have lived our lives. Sometimes we're just dealt a sucky hand and the strength of one's character is measured on how we play that sucky hand.

While you're entitled to mourn the loss of this important relationship -- nothing can be gained by dwelling on the question of whether you deserved to be dumped. You could be the best boyfriend in the whole world -- the best boyfriend that this girl could ever hope to have -- but being deserving of a lasting relationship with the girl doesn't guarantee that the relationship will indeed last. Other factors and circumstances over which you have no control have intervened to cause the break-up.

Building strength of character requires you to give your ex-girlfriend the space she needs to address her mental health issues. There are things you can do to deal with the pain by seeking counseling for yourself, keeping as busy as possible, and refocusing your mind on other activities and friends.
0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

A good cry on the train - Discussion by Joe Nation
Wife not trusting, and wants all my passwords - Question by Pvtp
Why is he on this site? Am i over reacting? - Question by Mwonders16
I want to run away. I can't do this anymore. Help? - Question by unknownpersonuser
Please help, should I call CPS?? - Question by butterflyring
stuck in a tough position with this girl and no idea what to do - Question by mhen1111
I Don't Know What To Do or Think Anymore - Question by RunningInPlace
First time sex, some really quick questions - Question by van1van
Flirting? I Say Yes... - Question by LST1969
My wife constantly makes the same point. - Question by alwayscloudy
Cellphone number - Question by Smiley12
 
  1. Forums
  2. » What should i do now?
Copyright © 2024 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.06 seconds on 10/04/2024 at 09:24:38
▲ ▼