why is is so hard for women to say what they really want?

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When a girl says, "I just want to be friends." doesn't that really mean "I'm just not that into you"? There was this girl who I dated for a while and really got along with. We were best friends and occasionally lovers. However she wouln't commit saying that it was bad timing and she needed time to date around before she settled down with a boyfriend. i beleived her since she had only just one boyfriend in her life for about three years in college. She stated over and over again that she had feelings for me and wanted to be friends until she was ready. She said if she had a boyfriend (no matter who it was) she would want to cheat on him. I told her this was total bullshiat and she was just didn't want nobody to hate her and that's why she couln't really fully reject me.
I Was convinced that this was the 1% of the time when i would trust what girl says is actually what she wants. I even told her, if you get a boyfriend and it's not me, our friendship is over. She said fine because she doesn't want a boyfriend. One month later to my surprise and nobody elses, she has a boyfriend. I break our friendship off and she is the one mad at me. I got her to admit she doesn't look at me in the same way she sees her boyfriend. But she continues to try to make me look like the villan because i don't even want to be friends. She says I'm abandoning her and not being a good person for not being with her. I'm the one hurting here real bad, and i really don't want to feel like the bad guy. i already made up my mind.
I don't really need advice, and I know I don't have question that needs answering, I just needed a place to vent.

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I have a feeling this thread is going to start a couple decent arguments. Cool.

Bookmark.

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<munches popcorn> This could get interesting. It sounds like you are both young. Young women generally can't tell young men what they really want because they don't know. Feel free to vent though. That's fine for all of us too.

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Vent away! Laughing

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We're 24 and 23. I've been through alot of relationships and really thought she was somebody I could have a future with. She has one more year of college and only had one relationship for three years with this guy who licked her boots.

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Quote:

I told her this was total bullshiat and she was just didn't want nobody to hate her and that's why she couln't really fully reject me.

Ding ding ding ding! We have a winner!

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<feeling adventurous and wanting to throw a little gasoline on the fire>... jpinMilwaukee says "Becasue they don't know what they want."

But seriously, haven't you ever told a girl "I'll call you" just to walk away and forget her number? It happens all the time. Maybe she just wanted to use you as a booty call until something better showed up. Maybe she doesn't want to hurt your feelings... Who knows.

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Harsh... but reality bites!

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almach1 wrote:

We're 24 and 23. I've been through alot of relationships and really thought she was somebody I could have a future with. She has one more year of college and only had one relationship for three years with this guy who licked her boots.

So, what does that tell you about her self-esteem?

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almach1 wrote:

......really thought she was somebody I could have a future with. ..

It sounds sort of like she didn't feel the same way about you. And that doesn't mean you're somehow deficient, or not-a-good-person, it just means she's looking for a different kind of person.

Well, she's allowed. And you probably can't change her feelings on the matter. I think she was trying to be "kind" when she sort-of lied about her feelings for you.

But now you know, when a woman says, "I just want to be friends," it may well mean, "I'm just not that into you." It's a sort of euphemism, a social lie, like saying someone has "passed on" rather than "died."

Leave her behind, look to your own future. There IS someone you can build a future with!

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If a woman told you what she wanted you'd do it...and it would all be over. Then she couldn't talk your goddam ear off ad nauseum about her feelings.....and she would wither and die without that.....

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Bi-Polar Bear wrote:

If a woman told you what she wanted you'd do it...and it would all be over. Then she couldn't talk your goddam ear off ad nauseum about her feelings.....and she would wither and die without that.....

Why must women need drama? Sometimes I think like this too. I am a guy after all and am very simple minded sometmes.

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almach1 wrote:

Bi-Polar Bear wrote:
If a woman told you what she wanted you'd do it...and it would all be over. Then she couldn't talk your goddam ear off ad nauseum about her feelings.....and she would wither and die without that.....

Why must women need drama? Sometimes I think like this too. I am a guy after all and am very simple minded sometmes.

Women are talkers. Without something to bitch about, they curl up and die. Just kidding, but not really. :wink:

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One other thing, a secret among women. The real reason they cannot tell you what they really want is because if they did, they know your head would explode, and they love you too much to put you through that.

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women are just pissy because they can't come every time guaranteed like a man can.....

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cavfancier wrote:

One other thing, a secret among women. The real reason they cannot tell you what they really want is because if they did, they know your head would explode, and they love you too much to put you through that.

wheeew!! I'm going to call her right now and thank her.

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here's my 2 cents worth.......just from recent experience......

many women like to argue in round about ways.... unno, make convienant reasons why they, you, someone else, should do this or that.....etc... they won't come out and give you the REAL reason why they want something etc....or want to go somewhere etc... they want it their way for their own special reasons but don't want to come across as being selfish etc.... so they make up a reason that rational....

my ex did this ALL the time and it drove me absolutely crazy......it seemed like every decision she made was expressed in this manner.......

for example: if she wanted to goto a certain bar on a certain night she'd say something like, we could go there because it's close to a friends house where we could crash if we got too smashed.... well the real reason was probably because she wanted to see one of her ex's who was a bar tender there etc..... (not a real story by the way)....

it's a candy coated reason that could be true, but knowing her, probably not.....

this leads to Trust issues in general and is pretty unhealthy for a relationship.....which is probably one of the reasons why she dumped me......well, it didn't help that she cheated on me once... but anyway...

i hate it.... and i won't date anyone that does this kind of stuff anymore....

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cavfancier wrote:

almach1 wrote:

Women are talkers. Without something to bitch about, they curl up and die. Just kidding, but not really. :wink:

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I see we have quite a few experts on the female sex here, how comforting (where's that sarcasm face?).

Almach - When a woman really wants you, you will have no doubts about it. Trust me - she will be very clear. In fact you will probably have to pry her off your ass. Mixed messages mean mixed feelings and they are not usually in your favor. Move on...someone's out there waiting for you.

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Ahem.....

<clearing thoat>

Believe it or not, boys, sometimes women just want to fvck. You're handy, you're willing - okay, lets go!

I had a back burner booty call boy for years. It was perfect for both of us.

Girls are not that different from guys.

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why is is so hard for women to say what they really want?

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