Just need advise and somewhere to vent.........

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Please bare with me, I'm looking for some good advice and someone (something) to vent too.

I have been married for eight years now and my marriage has been up and down many times. I think all marriages go through there times, that's what makes us humans. Yet recently my wife and I have struggled with issues like never before. Until last November I have never thought about divorcing my wife. I guess I need to explain this part. Last November I was leaving for work and woke up to a letter at my bedside. Reading the letter my wife wrote how much she loved me and how grateful she was for me being in her life. It was a great start to a day, until a few minutes later when I was leaving for work. I opened my wife's pocketbook to get a check (She is the only one that keeps our checks) and found a letter next to the checkbook that looked similar to mine. I opened the letter and found it addressed to another man telling him, well in short, that she had felt this way (I'm assuming happy) in a long time.

I was absolutely HEART broken. I LOVE my wife more than anything else in this world (except for daughter, but that's a different love). I confronted her about the letter and all hell has broken out since then. We have since confronted the issue together and found out our differences and are trying to overcome them. Yet new challenges await each day. She now has this friend (female) that she has become good friends with and now does not come home until 9:00 -12:00 pm. It is putting a toll and our marriage and our daughter, even to the point that our 7 yr old daughter embarrassed her the other night by telling her friends a family the mommy never comes home any more.

This tore my wife up. I told her what did she think was going to happen when she continued to not come home. At first I was having trust issues (thinking she was cheating) but now I just don't care anymore. She says she loves me, and for the most part I believe her. She says that she just needs some time to "Chill" after work and doesn't think this is a problem. I really don't believe it is me, I mean I take care of our daughter (making sure she does her homework, bathes, dress her, iron her clothes) and the some goes for around the house. I cook, clean, wash clothes, and take care of most things around the house. I am getting worn down, I feel like if I have to be a single dad, why not officially become one. I am just so afraid that if I get a divorce, she will end up with our daughter. I see it all the time. I couldn't go through life without being able to see my daughter all the time. And she knows this......

I'm sorry to keep going on. It just feels good to let go to someone. We have great days when my wife is not working and it seems terrible days when she goes to work. I love my wife very much. Ever since we have met I have not Love a person so much. I want to make things to work and be a happy family. I just don't know how and I'm afraid I'm running out of time and patience. Sad

I have tried to get counseling and each agrees but never commits to going. Each time we get to the point of where we feel like we need help, we seem to make things better. Is this a sign......

Thoughts....
Prayers.....

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I have unpleasant connotations for the word "chill"--one of Mr. Noddy's grandsons got himself in major problem, "just chilling out" with his buddies.

Your wife says she needs four to seven hours every night after work to "chill out". Whether she's cheating or not, she's not thinking like a married woman.

If I were you, I'd document her behavior. I'd get counseling for myself--and possibly for your daughter who seems to be unhappy with the situation. I'd warn my wife that I was in the process of evaluating the marriage and that come the spring I might possibly make some major changes.

Then I'd follow through.

By the by, in the Age of AID's, infidelity is very dangerous for you both.

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Uh, doesn't sound like she's hanging out with a "female" friend. You're probably getting walked all over.

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Noddy has some of the best advice.....listen to her.

Mike, its not right for your wife to do you that way. What is there to "chill" over? Especially for that amount of time. If it was a drink..and then home an hour or so later, I might not think much of it. Still, you just found her cheating....what makes you think that she's not using this as an excuse to still do so. Instead of cheating...its chilling.

It sounds like your doing the best you can to cope with the situation. But like Noddy said, I'd document it. And if nothing else, I might go and take a peek at what she's up too. I know, alot of people, might not agree with the spying part, but its your and your daughters future that she's chillin with.

And she's not making much of an effort to fix things......

Good luck!

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I set aside one Saturday a month to go out with my sister. We're out from maybe 10:00 am to 5 or 6:00pm. Sometimes we take our kids on a whoever wants to come basis (she has 2 girls ages 10 & 13, I have 3 girls and a boy ages 18, 16, 15 & 13) and sometimes we don't. We shop, we talk, we vent, and we discuss our aging mother who needs help with her finances frequently. We generally de-stress.

We do not drink alcohol or take drugs. We do not cheat on our husbands. And we do not get into trouble.

My husband thinks we go out for the soul purpose of bashing him and spending money. This is not the case.

But recently, he confronted me and told me he wants a divorce, because I am not at home on that one day per month.

My point is this:
If one day per month is considered excessive enough to precipitate divorce, several nights a week would be definite cause for consideration and careful planning. She has probably made it clear in not so many words that she has already moved on to greener pastures (not necessarily cheating, per se). I would definitely be consulting a lawyer and considering cutting your losses.

First and foremost, do what is best for your little girl. If that means being a single dad and being there for her when she needs you, then so be it.
The mother has already shown her hand in avoidance of family situations, that she is only thinking about herself.

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Just need advise and somewhere to vent.........

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