My friend Tim Jones in Washington State posted this. Funny guy.
I was looking for something a little more exotic. Something that made a manly statement about me, Tim Jones, as a man! So I came up with my list of Tim’s Top 10 Must-Haves for His Man Cave:
A jumbo-sized wall chart showing the proper operation of power tools – as demonstrated by hot girls in bikinis.
A combination billiard / air hockey / foosball table that with the press of a button recedes into the floor.
A Batman-style utility belt equipped with a potato chip dispenser, cheese-wiz canisters in six artificial flavors, and a holster for my burrito-firing bazooka.
A beer tap in the shape of an elephant trunk – pull on left tusk for guacamole; right tusk for salsa.
A bear rug – with grizzly in full roar – wearing a Seattle Seahawks helmet (for a touch of class).
A life-size wooden mermaid, salvaged from the prow of a pirate ship, just like the one that Blackbeard used to pry the cork from his rum by wedging the neck of the bottle in between her cleavage and twisting his wrist in a starboard direction.
An oversized phone shaped like a football that makes a deafening crowd roar for thirty seconds whenever it rings.
A giant aquarium – on the ceiling – that you can stare up at during commercial breaks in the game to watch manta rays swimming overhead.
A wall-mounted animal head – anything with antlers. I’m thinking moose but am open to suggestions.
A lava lamp. (I’ve always wanted one ever since 7th grade.)
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There was just one slight concession to be made on my part. I agreed to accept a slightly smaller version. For as my wife has assured me on many occasions, size doesn’t matter.
And so, gentlemen, I now have my own private oasis. A place I can truly call my own. A place where a man never has to make an apology for being… a man. And it didn’t even require me to clear the junk out of the garage, because my man cave is conveniently located in the kitchen. It’s the third drawer down from the spatulas. Okay, so technically it’s not so much of a man cave as a man drawer. But it is a one-of-a-kind man drawer. I’m already thinking about what to put in it. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:
A dart
A mini can of Pringles potato chips
A remote control for my 13” black & white TV
A flashlight with the Seattle Seahawks logo on it
A Little Mermaid bottle opener
A pen and paper set, to write down items on my honey-do list
I could keep going, but actually, that’s about all the room I have in my man drawer. But it’s MY Man drawer. All mine. And the best part of all? My wife is not allowed to organize it. And I better not catch her trying to sprinkle any of her “rain forest” potpourri fragrance anywhere near it.
