Reply
Sat 28 Oct, 2017 03:46 pm
My now husband cheated on me when we were dating. He told me when I was 8 months pregnant with our first baby, which was two years after we were married. Said it was one time with her, who I knew and said he was sorry and would never happen again.
Fast forward to 20 years later , my husband and his friends go on 4 wheeling trips every October. My husband and his group got to be friends with some other guys that go up the same weekend and stay at the same campground. Five years ago two girls came up which were friends of one of the guys from the other group. We’ll call her Becky. My husband and Becky got to talking and found out that my husband is a truck driver and goes to her town. She knew he was married they talked about me and our 3 kids. He said they all sat around the fire talking. Later the next week he got a text from her. She got his phone number from one of her friends that has his phone number. She texted him about once a week, then he said that would be in her town the next day it she wanted to meet for lunch?
He told her that he could never text her or call because, it would show up on the phone bill. If she called it just says incoming call. Well I pay all the bills and little does he know that it has all changed. It shows both incoming and outgoing phone numbers. In the spring of 2014 I noticed he was getting kind of distance from me, but I was tired I worked 12 days then only had 2 off, then do it all over again. I worked two jobs, we had really run our credit cards up, so I told my husband that we had to get them paid off. I said that temperarly I would get a part Tim job. Didn’t bother him that I was going to work to jobs, well now I know why, he had someone else he was talking to. I thought why is he so short with me, he’s never like that. I was paying bills, this was about mid summer of 2014 and his minutes used between voice and message was over 5000 minutes. I thought there’s no way, so I started looking at his detailed bill. The same number started at 4am and went until 8am, then texted non stop in between, then lunch calls, then from 4-8 when I got home, but he was supposibly in bed sleeping, but instead they were texting. So the next day I blocked my number and I called it. A voice came on said her full name and said leave a message, then I looked up the area code and discovered my husband goes there for work.
Then came October, his next 4 wheeling trip, and he met her up there again, but little did I know that’s where they met. My husbands friends had no idea anything was going on or that they were having a emotional affair.
He told her that he crossed the line once and would never do it again.
Then his work sent him on a overnight to a town close, but he drove to hers to stay over, but I didn’t know, he called my phone when I was at my second job and said he loved me and was going to bed. He said they were sitting on the bed and she starting kissing him, saying I want you so bad.
Then when he came home the next day, he tells me that they had two drivers walk out and routes are being changed and he will be overnight here and there. I said that doesn’t work with the kids and my two jobs. He said kids are old enough and it would be short term.
I hired a PI and yes, she was picking him up from the hotels, they would go out to eat, then go back and stand outside and smoke and we both quit smoking years ago, then they would both go in and she would carry a bag in.
I had to get all my ducks in a row of how and when I was going to confront him.
It was already the beginning of December, I waited until then end when all the kids were gone a day, so they weren’t home.
I told him I knew about him and Becky, he said yeah, we are friends, I said yeah friends that say in hotels together, of course it was, the yeah she fell asleep a couple of times. So nothing happened. I got that for weeks.
I demanded him to stop talking to her, so he started calling from his work phone, I found that one. I also told him he could not work in her town anymore.
So he told his boss everything. He told Becky that he wouldn’t be coming to her town anymore, so she bought him a phone and put him on her plan so they could still talk everyday. I had no idea. Also he was still staying overnight in two other towns and she was actually driving to those towns to have sex and then drive back home, they were to far away for her to stay over night with him and to get up in the morning and make it to work.
I told him I was either filing for divorce or he needed to start getting clean about everything.
He said that they did have sex at 3 different hotels, her house when her son went to his dads and when he told me he went the second time 4 wheeling with just a couple of guys the end of October, it was to her parents cabin for the weekend.
I kicked him out of the house for a month. He told me he would do a polygraph test. So he did. I said what ever you do don’t lie.
Now it’s 2016. I Asked if he ever had sex with anyone else besides me and Becky since we have been married? He said no and that was truthful
Second question was: Did you only send one naked picture? He answered yes
Not truthful.
And 3rd question:have you talk or seen Becky since April of 2015? He said no not truthful
So they sent up to 30 naked pictures of each other to each other, the other question, that’s how I found out that she bought him a phone. He said he felt guilty in our marriage counseling that I’m there trying to give a 100% and he was still talking to her. But I found out later that he would go to work early if we got into a fight and call her from the shop where nobody was and talk to her for 10 minutes before work.
We now each see our own counselors to try to fix ourselves first.
I ask to sit in on one of his sessions and I asked why she thought he did it again. She made him answer it on what she has told hi and it was because , Becky called and they just got talking and talking and it made home life seem like it was worse than it really was.
But I think there’s a lot that I don’t know, he said she was easy to talk to and I’m not. We now have been married 25 years and I wonder if he’s just comfortable.
I have a hard time trusting. How do I trust, most days I feel numb.
This affair has been going on for what - 3 or 4 years?
What else do you need to know before you realize that he is VERY serious about her and he has no intention of honoring his marriage vows with you.
I'm surprised your therapist has not advised you to seek legal counsel ASAP.
You have been an outsider on all this for too long. Those two are running your life!
Start preparing yourself and ensure your financial security in the future. See that lawyer today!