Handy Dictionary to decipher Personals Ads

Handy Dictionary to decipher Personals Ads
WOMEN'S PROFILES
40-ish..........................49
Adventurer......................Slept with all your friends
Athletic........................No tits
Average looking.................Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful.......................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile................Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated......................Banged her Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure..............Medicated
Feminist........................Fat ball buster
Free spirit.....................Junkie
Friendship first..........Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun.............................Annoying
Gentle......................... Comatose
Good Listener...................Borderline Autistic
New-Age.........................All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned..........Lights out, missionary position only, no BJs
Open-minded.....................Desperate
Outgoing........................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate......................Sloppy drunk
Poet............................Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional....................Certified Bitch
Redhead.........................Bad dye-job
Reubenesque.....................Grossly Fat
Romantic........................Looks better by candle light
Social.........Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray
Voluptuous......................Very Fat
Weight proportion w/ height.....Hugely Fat -as tall as you are wide
Wants Soulmate..................Stalker
Widow...........................Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart..................Old bat

MEN'S PROFILES
40-ish..........................52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic........................Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking...........Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated........................Will patronize the **** out of you
Free Spirit.....................Banging your sister
Friendship first................As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun.............................Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking....................Arrogant
Very good looking...............Dumb as a board
Honest..........................Pathological Liar
Huggable.....................Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle.................Insecure mama's boy
Mature..........................Older than your father
Open-minded..Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested
Physically fit..................Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet....................Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall
Sensitive.......................Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive..................Gay
Spiritual.......................Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable......................Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Thoughtful......................Says "Excuse me" when he farts