IRISH DECLARATION OF WAR ON IRAQ

Irish Declaration of War on Iraq


Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next
when his telephone rang.

"Hello, Mr. Hussein!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy
down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform
you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "this is indeed important news! How big
is your army?"

"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself,
my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team
from the pub. That makes eight!"

Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one million men in
my army waiting to move on my command."

"Begorra!", said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, the
next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have
managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and
14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2
million since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

Once again, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is
still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified
Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and
four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"

Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell
you, Paddy, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My
military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile
sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day.
"Top o' the mornin', Mr. Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have
had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a few pints, and
decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."

God Bless the Irish!