@Enriquerosado3 ,
I can understand how your wife feels in regards to feeling like she's doing all the household duties, and parenting. Hopefully she hasn't really checked out of the marriage, you are living separately, but that doesn't mean she's checked out completely. Sometimes when we do things that cause pain, it leaves a scar. What you did in the beginning of your marriage, left a scar. Its easy to forgive, but you can never forget. When you forgive someone you're saying, I will move beyond this with you and not take it out on you.... However, as time passes, our memory kicks in. Picture and think of this, ( she is doing practically all the household duties, parenting, and remembers what you did. She then feels hostility, like, M...F....er I forgave you, and you don't appreciate that. By your lack of helping out, ect. it came across to her, You don't appreciate the fact I forgave you and have to live with the memories of what you did forever.... But she knows she cant throw that in your face, because she forgave you, and that's not how forgiveness works. So she pushes that feeling deep down inside.) Now you started to pitch in, and she loved it. But she now realizes the hostility she still has for what you did, and knows being with you means she will have to live with that forever. Sometimes we forgive people without really knowing what that truly means. And don't forget, every time she went through that scenario I explained earlier, is added up to every time she pushed that feeling down inside. Now she's dealing with a volcano that's erupting. I imagine she is trying to find out whether she can be with you and live with the memories, or can't. It sucks, because she did forgive you, and you tried, but understand, that doesn't mean she is bound to that forever. Especially if she didn't realize what that forgiveness would mean. And she knows you do deserve a happy life, so does she, and she needs to discover if she can do that living with those memories. I would definitely go to therapy together, and separately. They also have therapists who to a technique call EMR, it helps take the pain out of those memories, freeing you. I know it has worked for ptsd and other things. Also I suggest, reading a book Love and Respect, by Emerson Eggerichs, they also have a workbook you can do together. My husband and I took this class years ago, and other couples have taken it a few times, because lets face it, we are human and always revert back to our nature, Its not like any other book out there, and I have no affiliation. Also try reading 48 Laws of Power, it may help YOU, if you want to win her back. My husband says this is how he won me over... I say all of this with a grain of salt, because I am going through a rough patch in my marriage. But I have seen the light on the other side, it is there. I met a couple who had been married for 50 years, asked them what there advice was to being married for so long. The couple said, " you will have good and bad days, you will have months of good and months of bad, you may even have years of bad, and years of good. its about loving each other though that, and knowing why you're truly together." Pretty dam good advise. Best of luck to you, just be understanding, towards each other.
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