MARRIAGE DEFINITIONS

MARRIAGE DEFINITIONS
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BACHELOR:

1) A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman
miserable.

2) A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.

3) A man who never makes the same mistake once.

4) A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her
alimony.

5) A person who believes in life, liberty, and the
happiness of pursuit.

6) The only man who has never told his wife a lie.

BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind
her.

COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife
whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look
fat in a fur coat.

GENTLEMAN: 1) A husband who steadies the stepladder so that
his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling. 2) A
man who, when his wife drops her knitting, kicks it over to
her so that she can easily pick it up.

HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she
doesn't do it.

HUSBAND: 1) A man who gives up privileges he never realized
he had. 2) A person who is the boss of his house and has
his wife's permission to say so.

JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits
the wife to beat the husband to the draw.

LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

MISS: A title with which we brand unmarried women to
indicate that they are in the market.

MISTRESS: Something between a mister and a mattress.

MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace
of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings,
and no recognition.

SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all
the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single in
the first place.

WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having
anything to wear at the very same time that she complains
about not having enough room in the closet