You are missing a lot of words and you are also using a lot of terms incorrectly. Also, please hit enter a couple of times after a paragraph so there's a space in between.
For example -
... the visionary is one of the key factors for a qualified leader should have.
However, instead, it should be:
vision is one of the key factors a qualified leader should have.
But the sentence as a whole is still awkward. So an even better phrasing would be:
I also wrote:
I believe a qualified leader should have vision to become a successful future role model. This is a key factor.
Did you study nouns, verbs, adjectives, and adverbs? Vision is a sense and it is a noun. Visionary is an adjective unless it's being used as a term for a person. But you're already calling this person a qualified leader (and I would argue that the term qualified
could probably also be eliminated without losing too much meaning in your essay).
Also, did you study articles? The
is a definite article. A
are indefinite articles. Your use of the term the visionary
means you are referring to a specific person - the visionary
, as opposed to one of many. Again, this references a person. But what you really mean is a vaguer concept, vision
, which you are using in the sense of foresight as opposed to the sense of sight.
Also the term feedback
There's lots more but you will need to look carefully at your essay again. All of those small words in English, the articles and the pronouns and the like? They aren't superfluous.