I was reading about each of our zodiac signs and their compatibility in order to find out if my best friend and I should take our relationship to the next level. We have already had sexual relations, which in some ways have made us closer. But also these relations have started to tear us apart through our communication. At one point I liked him and wanted to date, but he was scared and started to freak out so I backed off. As more time passed my feelings faded, but then is started to pop up. Once this started to happen I guess his other friends started to notice or he told them and they took it upon themselves to harass me about my feelings for him. At one point he friend asked me a whole bunch of questions pertaining to me liking my best friend, while I was blackout drunk. Which I was seriously pissed about. Ultimately, it turned into everyone asking for my feelings and my decision, but they never asked my best friend. Also everyone of his friends and even his mom wanted us to date because quote "they wanted us to be happy". I honestly have no idea what to do. I think deep down I still have feelings for him because I do get jealous when he talks to other girls. But I also have pushed these feelings off for so long that they are not as strong as they used to be. And now we have decided to go through a trail period of dating to see what its like to date each other, but I'm not impressed and I don't feel excited. Mostly because we barely talk and it takes hum so long to respond back to me, that I feel like he really doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. I just feel like he might be settling for me because I'm here and he is comfortable with me. I mean he told me that he does have feelings for me, but that was after he said that he cares for and wants to protect me. Throughout this whole time we have continued to be friends with benefits, which is probably not helping at all.
This is a very tough decision and I need some advice if any to help me decide what to do, or at least clear up my thoughts. I want so brutal honest I'm a big girl and I can handle some honesty. Hopefully y'all can help me out in my time of need.
You are just on the next stage of a relationship. More sex than talk, missing to each other when far away but not interest when both are closer to each other, the true relationship reaching the "mature state".
Well, you see I thought I knew him pretty well in fact we were friends for at least 4 years before we even had sex. But as soon as we had sex our relationship changed significantly, but mainly on his side. I'm not trying to blame him or say that it is all his fault but, I feel like I have really tried to maintain are friendship while he has just tried to distance himself. So when he tried to distance himself, I tried to understand and give him his space, but then he thinks I'm mad at him. Its like I must give him constant attention to reassure him that I'm not mad at him, but can respond whenever he wants even if its two days later. I just don't understand him, so maybe your right I probably don't know him as well as I thought.
Tue 3 Oct, 2017 08:38 am
lots of stuff in that OP
but this jumps out at me
while I was blackout drunk.
he may be cool with a friend who gets blackout drunk
he may be cool ******* someone who gets blackout drunk
he may not be cool with having a relationship with someone who gets blackout drunk
It's a decision I've made at least once. Someone who drinks to the point of blacking out was ok as a friend or occasional sexual partner - but not a good candidate for a relationship.
There may be other reasons for his decision, but that sure caught my eye.
Throughout this whole time we have continued to be friends with benefits, which is probably not helping at all.
yeah. hard to sort out relationship stuff with that as a complicating factor.
if you think you both want to try a relationship - for real - cut out the **** buddy thing
straight out old-fashioned dating - try it . go to lunch, go for a walk, go to a museum, have a coffee date, go watch a football game. try to keep your dating to middle of the week, middle of the day on a weekend for a while. no drinking. no *******. no crap with friends.
If they bring it up - change the subject - straight out tell them you're not talking about your personal life with them.
Tue 3 Oct, 2017 08:48 am
I would like to say that's actually the only time that I was ever blackout drunk, but you might be right. You see he tends to get more drunk than me and party more than I do. But we are best friends so we do like to go out and have fun partying together. We also just hanging out like normal friends and just watch TV or go to the mall.
Tue 3 Oct, 2017 08:50 am
Thanks this is actually very helpful.
Wed 4 Oct, 2017 05:55 pm
More advice would also be very helpful and much appreciated.