Can't quit her.

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Friday, and another fight. This time about my finances and a certain purchase I was about to make. I am not broke, I'm responsible with my money but she thinks she's a financial expert and was screaming at me on the phone. "NO, no, no, no no .....all my webcasts say you're wasting money. " She's unhinged. Keep in mind, we are not married. We do not live together, we are dating but there is no intimacy. She broke up with me a year ago due to her social anxiety issues and severe relationship problems -- she's a loner with a bad temper and is extremely controlling. She called me after a year separation crying and saying she missed me. She said she was seeing a therapist to help her with her issues. So, I gave her another shot, but slowly. After we began seeing each other again, she stopped seeing the therapist and now she's angrier and more confrontational. Why do I not walk away? Because when she is 'normal' she is the sweetest most affectionate person I have ever been with. I lover her but, I need peace and serenity. Everyone has issues but I am torn.
Sad part is I know she beats herself off as soon as she hangs up the phone. She can't help it. We haven't talked in two days. I am the one who talks her off the ledge and makes peace....thinking this time I should let it die on the vine...Thoughts?

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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 601 • Replies: 5

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@CRAZY77,

She's using you.

She's making you her therapist, her confessor, and her punching bag.

When you're around, she doesn't 'have to' go to therapy, so she doesn't. She doesn't 'have to' try to be affectionate or reasonable, so she doesn't. She doesn't 'have to' be rational, logical, normal, or kind.

So she doesn't.

Time's a-wastin'. Tick tock. You can put yourself through hell during the prime parts of the one life you are given, or you can take some responsibility for your own existence and happiness and do what you should have done over a year ago - tell her it's over, block her from all forms of communication, ignore her if she confronts you in person (or even call the cops if violence is imminent), and live your life without her.

You're already questioning things, and that's good. You can break free. Yes, you can quit her.

No amount of possible future sweetness and affection erases today's abuse.

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You should talk to a friend's son who went thru living hell married to a bi-polar woman who would not take her meds or go to therapy.

She almost ruin the lives of the children. She ran up bills, gambled and then blamed him for their financial mess.

Get a grip on this: there is no "normal" for her. Her "normal" is up and down. You happen to be in love with the half-way slide down.

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@jespah,

sadly from experience I agree with the other comments. She's using you as her therapist. People do it thinking this loved one can help but in reality they need professional help. Mine was a relationship with someone who used me and told me disturbing things it's a lot of pressure you really need to talk to her about staying and continue to go to a therapist.

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I don't know how old you are, but if you and this woman are younger (under 30, say), you might benefit from a break. This will seem trivial, but there is a Willie Dixon song about this, made most famous by Led Zeppelin. Here are the lyrics:

I can't quit you, baby
So I'm gonna put you down for awhile
I said I can't quit you, baby
I guess I gotta put you down for awhile

Said you messed up my happy home
Made me mistreat my only child
Yessir, you did
Said you know I love you, baby

My love for you I could never hide
Oh, you know I love you, baby
My love for you I could never hide
Oh, when I feel you near me, little girl

I know you are my one desire
When you hear me moaning and groaning, baby
You know it hurts me deep down inside
When you hear me moaning and groaning, baby

You know it hurts me deep down inside
Oh, when you hear me, honey, baby
You know you're my one desire
Yes, you are

Maybe with time, and some professional help, this woman can resolve her difficulties, and you can have a loving relationship. Otherwise, it's time to move on.

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@Tayler 81,

I hope you've broken free, @Tayler81.

And for the OP (and Setanta):

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Can't quit her.

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