Homecoming Dilemma

Reply Fri 29 Sep, 2017 11:02 pm
Hi! So I'm 16 years old and a junior in high school. Homecoming is coming up in late October and I'm torn on what to do. My boyfriend and I agreed that we would go together but the problem is that we are in different friend groups. I made it clear to him that it was fine with me that if he wanted to go with his friends then I would just go with my friends separately but if he wanted to be together we could go out to dinner just the two of us (were not planning on going to the actual dance). He then said that he wanted to go with his friends but he wanted me to go with him because if I didn't then people would be confused as to why his girlfriend isn't there and that he really wanted me to go with him, kind of making me feel guilty (I don't really think anyone would notice though). Now the reasons why I don't want to go with his friend group: 1. there will be 70 people there and for someone who is introverted, that is very overwhelming 2. I don't really know his friends and I'm very shy so it is difficult for me to contribute to any of their conversations 3. it is more of the cool, intimidating people at my school which is intimidating for me 4. on the party bus they will be drinking which really isn't my scene 5. last year this bus got suspended from school for drinking. Now reasons why he can't come with my group: 1. My group is all girls so he would be the only guy there 2. he doesn't really know my friends all that well and thats all. My friends were just planning on going out for a nice dinner which sounds so much more appealing to me than drinking on a party bus. All my friends said that if they were in my situation, then they would go with him and my mom said that its my obligation as his girlfriend to go with him. This is causing me so much stress and I don't know what to do. Please help!
Reply Sat 30 Sep, 2017 05:13 am
You're under no obligation to go with him. The same is true in reverse.

Maybe the best solution is to actually go to the homecoming dance rather than try to cater to either friend group.
0 Replies
Reply Sat 30 Sep, 2017 05:37 am
mcsquared00 wrote:
All my friends said that if they were in my situation, then they would go with him and my mom said that its my obligation as his girlfriend to go with him.

Don't listen to your "friends", and don't listen to your mom either. That idea, that the girl's wishes have to take second place to the boy's, is just plain nonsense. This is 2017. You are under no more obligation to go with him, than he is to go with you. No more. No less. These "friend groups" sound like a kind of tyranny or dictatorship. You don't have to be their slave. At 16 you can start to choose for yourself. If your boyfriend dumps you or your "friend group" rejects you, then you can still say to yourself, "I did what I wanted to do, and they can just suck it up". You'll soon get a newer and better boyfriend and friends.
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Reply Sat 30 Sep, 2017 05:41 am
This should not be a stressful thing for you.

You should not be in a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable or gets you in trouble. Trust yourself to make the right decision.

(I bet if you showed your mom that list, she would understand that you should go with a few girls and dance with him IF you want. )

PS: What kind of "boyfriend" puts his GF thru stress??

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Reply Tue 3 Oct, 2017 06:04 am
my mom said that its my obligation as his girlfriend to go with him.
Your mom realizes there will be drinking going on with him and his friends on this "party bus," right? And she is telling you that you have an obligation to go with him? Are you sure your mom is a responsible adult?

Go with your friends. Have a good time. Your mom will thank us for our advice to you when he and his friends are in an accident or busted for underage drinking.
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