We want to marry each other but break up :/

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I'm 19. My now-ex is 16. I attend college about an hour away which im gone for 6 months out of the year and home every weekend. We went out for about a year and had the most amazing relationship. I am pretty much adopted in her family and have spent so much time with them. I spent sooooooo much time with her too during the past year.

A couple times she wanted to take a break and they both lasted about a week, then resulted in us getting back together by mostly pressure from me. But then she started seeing this other guy behind my back for about a week and I called her on cheating cuz she is a horrible liar. I yelled at the kid (her age), and then it turned into this whole break up and now she is dating him. This was three weeks ago. We haven't seen each other since and I think she's affraid of seeing me and falling right back in love with me.

She told me its over right now but she also told me she loves me and could really see herself marrying me and im this perfect guy, but not for this time in her life. She wants to experiment a bit as she had 2 other relationships before me. She even told her parents weeks before this that shes going to marry me.

Like I understand that she wants to experiment, but I find it hard to accept the fact that I need to keep my distance for awhile and I keep doubting myself that it'll work after she has sex with a bunch of other guys. Her friends are all "lets go get drunk and screw everyguy." I don't think shes like that but her friends have a big influence on what she does.

I don't know whether i should try to forget about her completely or sit down and tell her that I'm willing to give her time with other people b/c im in love with her and am willing to wait for her to be ready. If i go the second option, I would try to maybe see a couple more girls but I'm worried since I know as time goes on, we will grow further and further apart.

Anyone have any suggestions and/or comments? Confused

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she sounds a little immature, id find someone who knows the meaning of a committed relationship....i mean shes 16 and sounds flirty, do you think you are the only guy she has been like this with?

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I think she's trying to be honest with you.

She's not ready to settle on one person--or she wouldn't risk the relationship by playing the field.

(That damn field, eh?)

Move on. Staying hung up on her while she's dating other guys is bad for you in so many ways...

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yes i think moving on would be a good thing for me. I guess what I want is to do it slowly and get my life together keeping my options open but thinking about her in the background. its just like so weird that no one has touched me like she has in all the relationships ive been in and we both have the same goals.

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You are both very young. Obviously, your girlfriend needs to have more experience with guys, before she is ready to settle down. Would you rather that the two of you marry, and THEN she decides that she wants more experience? IMO, you need to chalk this relationship up to a lovely interlude, and move on.

The years from the late teens to the middle twenties is one of great change. You may look back at this five years from now, and wonder why you were so taken with this girl.

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I noticed in brackets you used the word "kid" refering to some one she was dating while dating you. You also said this "kid" is the same age as your ex girlfriend. Well, that's exactly what she is, a KID. I know she's only 3 years younger then you, but at 16, nobody knows whether their coming or going.

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oldirtymike420 wrote:

yes i think moving on would be a good thing for me. I guess what I want is to do it slowly and get my life together keeping my options open but thinking about her in the background. its just like so weird that no one has touched me like she has in all the relationships ive been in and we both have the same goals.

I understand, but, really, at 16 I do question if her goals will remain the same as yours. Frankly, even at the advanced *cough* age of 19, I wonder if your goals will remain the same as well.

Taking things slowly is fine, especially since you have grown close to her family and that must add extra pain for you, but, now is the time to have fun!

Not to get all philosophical on ya' ... but, if it was meant to be, it will come to pass.

:wink:

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19 is too young to think about marriage. Enjoy college. There are SO MANY girls out there waiting to date you! Play the field! Enjoy the goods! Make new friends! Have the time of your life! Because once you graduate, things change. I mean, they really, really change.

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I wouldn't say it's her age that decides this... she just doesn't sound as "ready" as you are, by any means. Whenever anyone says, "I want to date others first," that's a bad sign. That usually means, "I just want to make sure I don't find anyone better than you."
Imagine what would happen if she does?

I think it's selfish of her, if she expects you to hang around. Don't encourage her to date whomever else she likes, and staying by her side. Don't get dragged along senselessly.

If she doesn't want you now, there's no guarantee she'd magically come back in the future. Don't rely on it.

If she wants to have all of this freedom from you, she's definitely not ready for marriage. You have no guarantee of when she will be, or even if that would be with you. If she wanted to marry you, why would she need to date other people? It sounds like she wants to find more options...

Leave her alone Smile

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Although telling her parents that she wanted to get married with this guy was incredibly immature, telling him that she wanted to see other guys before that "important decision" is incredibly mature.

But come on! 19-16 relationship, amidst all this changes in one's life, character, goals; not knowing really anything about life; not even being old enough to go to a bar; you can't think of getting married. There are more important things at that age (geez, im 19 also) than planning THAT kind of future.

Even if you say you love each other, you cannot be so sure about that at that time... and its no guarantee that you will have a succesfull relationship.

Oh, and pressuring her? Big no-no. She was trying to tell you something then...

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well we've stopped ALL communication. I told her I want to be friends with her and still keep in touch once in awhile but she told me she doesn't want to talk at all right now. So i just said that we'll talk in the future and that was it. Sucks to spend an entire year with someone, become best friends, fall in love, then its "bye, have a nice life." Crying or Very sad

her new bf is such as ass Evil or Very Mad

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Quote:

her new bf is such as ass

Which gives you an idea of this girl's maturity and judgment!

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You know what brotha'? I've been in the exact same situation. I've had the same feelings for a young woman when I was about your age. **** what others say about being too young. It's not about "age". People should be more specific in the meaning of that phrase.

What I mean is that, in real life, sometimes it takes more than love to keep people together. You have to be on the same level. You have to want the same things. Right now this kid wants to grow and experience new things- alone. She and you still have a lot of changing to do. What you want to do is find someone that's going your direction. 'Cause this chick ain't.

You don't have to forget about her. But definitely don't focus on her. There are so many other nice girls out there who would kill to get their hands on a guy looking for commitment. Just date around and keep your eyes open. As long as this chick's dating other guys, don't give her attention beyond saying "Hello" and being polite when you see her around. (You don't want to become a dickhead ex) If you both start dating around, YOU WILL GROW APART. More than likely you'll fall in love with someone else.

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Just a thought: when I was 19, relationships were a lot more difficult...well, Everything was more difficult.

Things change quickly, your body is still changing, your hormones are going wild all over the place, and things hurt a lot more! Know that for yourself, and know that in the future, even if the very same thing happens, it'll be easier for you.

Know, too, you may well meet someone later you actually like MORE than you like this person now.

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Being a 19 year old girl myself and knowing what it is like to be 16, trust me move on, when I was 16 my boyfriend was 20 and he thought we would have the works, marraige, kids, the house and the white picket fence. But that was far away from my mind, I will admit the idea was quite appealing to me but it never registered fully. Anywho all I thought about was how cute all the boys were becoming and how much I hoped they all thought I was cute. I didn't think about how much I was going to hurt him ( and I hurt him bad, he didn't talk to me for a few years). So you would be better off moving on.

Now at the age of 19 (i'll be 20 on the 23rd) I have been with my current boyfriend for a year and a half, and even now I still don't expect the marraige and the kids, etc. But this time it has crossed my mind and if he asked me to marry him, I would consider it, but if three years haven't changed my mind much and I am with a different guy, then how long do you think she will make you wait???

Good luck, and there is someone out there for you!

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We want to marry each other but break up :/

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