REASONS FOR BEING ME

1) My wife and I divorced over religious differences. She thought she
was
God and I didn't!
2) I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
3) I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!
4) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6) Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
7) You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
8) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9) Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10) Quoting one is plagiarism; Quoting many is research.
11) I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
12) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
13) NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, coughing,
why-oh-why-is-the-room-spinning
medicine.
14) The trouble with life is there's no background music.
15) God must love stupid people; he made so many.
16) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
17) It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you.
18) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
19) Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
20) Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
21) To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer.
22) Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up.
23) My Dog Can Lick Anyone
24) I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With That?
25) Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit.
26) All men are idiots and I married their king!
27) Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with the software.
28) My wild oats have turned to Raisin Bran.
29) A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
30) Stupidity is NOT a handicap. Park elsewhere!
Life is good, be happy!