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No Services for the Cremated?

 
 
Reply Sat 16 Sep, 2017 09:08 am
How common is this? Four persons close to me who died over the past several years were cremated. Just one had any kind of service. Nobody came together for the others. It seems wrong, to me. On the other hand, when I draw a hand of aces and eights, I won't mind if nobody comes. As usual, I'm in a bit of a muddle.
 
hightor
 
  2  
Reply Sat 16 Sep, 2017 09:25 am
@edgarblythe,
Quote:
It seems wrong, to me.

It seems okay to me.

But I know what you mean — I think the whole funeral service mentality developed from the practice of people gathering around the dead person's body, which probably goes back to the earliest humans. When there was no body — drowned at sea, consumed by animals, lost forever in a wilderness — people still held a service because the lack of a body was unintentional. But cremation pretty much says "the body is not the person". And since it was an intentional act I think many people are more comfortable with simply dispensing with the service. People can recall the dead person's memory without needing a social get together to "send him off".
edgarblythe
 
  2  
Reply Sat 16 Sep, 2017 09:33 am
@hightor,
Services are for the living, as I see it. To me it brings closure, a bit more than going on as though nothing happened.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Sat 16 Sep, 2017 09:42 am
It may be a regional thing. We've seen a general decrease in funeral services/visitations etc for at least 20 years, probably closer to 30. The only people who seem to have any kind of service now is very religious families of whatever faith.
0 Replies
 
seac
 
  2  
Reply Sat 16 Sep, 2017 01:08 pm
@edgarblythe,
When my mother passes away, her wishes is to keep her funeral strictly to immediate family. We have a doctor who will be called to write her time of death and will have a cremation as soon as possible. We do have a church to go to, but over the years we decided not to bother other members there.
0 Replies
 
Sturgis
 
  2  
Reply Sat 16 Sep, 2017 01:47 pm
@edgarblythe,
Those who knew the person can always get together with an informal gathering of anywhere from 2 to 20 (or more). A formal service lines the pockets of a funeral home, church or a hall but doesn't necessarily give a full closure.
edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Sat 16 Sep, 2017 01:54 pm
@Sturgis,
Sure they can. My point is, nobody does.
0 Replies
 
ossobucotemp
 
  2  
Reply Sat 16 Sep, 2017 02:09 pm
My immediate family (local-ish cousins I've known well) hasn't had a death in a while, which reminds me, I need to call (we like hearing actual voices). Not that there is a list, but I'm nearing the likelihood of being Next In Line, Please Step Up. So far so good re my avoidance behavior.
edgarblythe
 
  2  
Reply Sat 16 Sep, 2017 02:16 pm
@ossobucotemp,
I thought you might join me in experiencing the 60's again.
ossobucotemp
 
  1  
Reply Sat 16 Sep, 2017 02:28 pm
@ossobucotemp,
Oh, I've requested my ashes going to my personal ocean, the Pacific, but actually I don't care that much. None of my family has been interred in the LA cemetery that our elders were.

I seem to remember that I could be buried with my parents if only I'd move back to California - they are together at the VA cemetery in West Los Angeles. Oddly, and sadly, I worked in the building that then faced the cemetery. I could hear taps from my lab. Well, that was a first, as I had been asked to join another group in another section of our labs. I remember being relieved re the taps not being hearable, but also sort of comforted my parents were still near me, as it were.

Snort, I'd enjoy moving back to California. I don't have the bucks.
0 Replies
 
ossobucotemp
 
  1  
Reply Sat 16 Sep, 2017 02:56 pm
@edgarblythe,
Ah, the 60's. So much happened, for my small family and me, some quite awful; my father's hard death, my mother moving into Alzheimer's, as a wanderer to LAX and downtown LA, then commitment. Guess how I felt.

Plus I had to sell our house to pay for her care. Guess how much it's worth now?

some damned lucky as Reagan hadn't made UC charge to tuition yet. I already worked 30 something hours a week through school.

Some a lot of joy, really good and lasting friends. All met at first through Mary Lou, who I met when we both worked as cashiers at a Santa Monica hospital after school and weekends.

Sex!! Oh, my. I was lucky there too, with an introduction to long remember.

Your turn, eb..
0 Replies
 
edgarblythe
 
  2  
Reply Sat 16 Sep, 2017 03:16 pm
I turned 20 in 62. Same year I left home. Left a girlfriend behind. She would have married me, but I realized in time I was not husband material. Hitched back to California. Did three years Navy service, stationed in Long Beach. I enrolled in Long Beach jr college, but got caught up in the excitement of the times. Went to my first Dylan concert when Highway 61 Revisited was the new album. Music from so many uncensored sources was one of the best things about the 60s. Thought I should reenlist because Vietnam War was getting hotter. But read too much about it and instead joined the Peace Movement. My most memorable protest experience was going with Jesse Jackson to DC, combining civil rights protest with war protest on the same day at two different gatherings. Only had tear gas thrown my way in one demonstration. We were pretty calm. Joined up with brother Sam at times. He hitch hiked too but finally broke down and got a car. I was about 23 before I got a driver license. '69 was the year brother Roger got murdered. I ended the decade back in Texas. The experiences of the time were exhilarating, even the times when negativity reigned.
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  2  
Reply Sun 17 Sep, 2017 04:39 am
@edgarblythe,
Every funeral I've been to at the local Crem has had some kind of service, it's not always religious. Often it's just people sharing memories of the deceased and some music they liked, but there's always something.
0 Replies
 
Leadfoot
 
  2  
Reply Sun 17 Sep, 2017 08:30 am
The 60s kind of sucked for me. They ended with me getting drafted and marrying far too young. Good on you for being wise enough to avoid that Edgar.

The good memories of that decade consist mainly of Dylan, Tijuana Brass and Beatles music.

Burn me when I die and have a send off party only if you want to. I put it in my will.
edgarblythe
 
  2  
Reply Sun 17 Sep, 2017 08:33 am
@Leadfoot,
The 60s sucked big time for many. Particularly the ones fighting in war. I don't ever intend to minimize what they went through.
0 Replies
 
hightor
 
  2  
Reply Sun 17 Sep, 2017 08:53 am
The '60s were exciting for me. We thought we were going to change the world. The world changed all right, but not as we'd planned. Got drafted in '68 and sent to Nam. It could have been worse — it was for many.

edgarblythe wrote:
Services are for the living, as I see it. To me it brings closure, a bit more than going on as though nothing happened.


Maybe more people just feel that closure isn't what they're seeking or that they feel they can deal with the loss on their own. I know the whole funeral home> church>cemetery process is a turn off for many. I prefer an informal gathering of friends without an air of sanctity and bereavement. A memorial "celebration" rather than the typical service with mourners in black, fighting back tears.


edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Sep, 2017 09:37 am
@hightor,
My basic theme is they don't get a memorial celebration.
lmur
 
  5  
Reply Sun 17 Sep, 2017 09:41 am
I plan on swallowing a bunch of popcorn kernels before being cremated.
edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Sep, 2017 11:09 am
@lmur,
I plan on sitting on a stick of dynamite.
0 Replies
 
Sturgis
 
  2  
Reply Sun 17 Sep, 2017 11:29 am
@edgarblythe,
Quote:
My basic theme is they don't get a memorial celebration.



For friends from your past, have you thought about just putting together a little remembrance thing? Get people to a local park (a barbecue maybe, or a bring your own lunch/dinner) or at a restaurant and chew the rag about the departed.


I had a future service planned for myself and gave details to Jimmy. A simple gathering with clothing optional - nudity preferred.

If it does happen, it won't be organized by Jimmy as he has deteriorated mentally through dementia.

 

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