Are Members of the GOP really Pinkos??

Washington (JNationPress) December 19, 2004

In a statement released today, the National Committee to ReElect George W. Bush, the Republican Party, the National Society of Republican Sorority Women say they will sue the national networks (ABC, CBS and NBC) as well as the cable news outlets (CNN, FoxNews, MSNBC) unless they voluntarily give the Republicans the color blue in future elections.

Spokesperson for the Sorority Women MaryKaye Blatson told reporters that GOP backers had become embarrassed recently by people calling us 'red staters' and 'reds' while referring to the defeated Democrats as 'true, blue Americans. "Everyone knows we are the real true blue Americans so we demand the color blue as ours. It is so icky to be called a red, my father says it makes him queasy like he was being accused of something." Ms Blatson fumed.

The three page statement which was delivered first to the networks offices in Washington actually goes further than that, demanding that the colors Red, White and Blue be reserved for the Republicans and that the Democrats pick some other color entirely. When asked for a reaction Democratic leader Zell Miller said it all sounded fine to him and that maybe his party ought to grab yellow while it was still available. Other Democrats were not pleased with Sen. Miller's remarks and pled for more time to consider the matter.

"Look," Retiring Sen Tom Daschle told reporters, "this was none of our doing, but now we are the true, blue Americans and it's about all we've got, so we're going to fight until the time comes when I get to go fishing."

Appearing on Meet the Press, later this morning, Daschle will point out that the country is running out of primary colors even though there are only two parties. "If the GOP gets Red, White and Blue, and the Green Party gets Green, what's that leave us? Purple has already been copyrighted by the Artist formerly known as Prince who is now again known as Prince IF we ever see him again and those wild kids in the Urkraine have snapped up Orange, but I can tell you this- we will not, not, accept yellow."

Republicans immediately pounced upon the Senators double negative as a confirmation and declared victory.

"Republicans refuse to be the ones stuck with being "in the Red" and "red-faced", Vice President Dick Cheney, who spoke to reporters outside of FoxNews headquarters, said "It's just not right, but the White House is not pushing this effort. This is pure groundswell, but I have to say it pleases me mightily."

Apparently, the effort began last November when one of the Sorority Women happened to see a documentary on Richard Nixon in which he was called "the red-baiter from Orange County" and she was horrified to find out that the terms "red" had previously been used when referring to Communists. "None of the history classes in my school ever mentioned it." said Marjorie (Muffy) Kimball of Parsons, Kansas, "I got like sick to my stomach every time someone called me a red. I tried to be proud of it but knowing the truth matters so much to me, it's like knowing Iraq attacked us on 9-11, something so true, but that people have twisted."

A lawsuit will be filed on behalf of the above organizations to recover the color blue and and class action suit is being considered to recover any medical costs for anyone suffering from being called a red by the networks.


Joe (blue blooded brother of truth) Nation