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Sat 18 Dec, 2004 04:44 am
I dated this girl for 3 years and when i was finishing my second year in college, she was getting ready to start. It was one great year and 2 of a long distance relationship, with me coming home every 2 weeks. She broke up with me giving me ALL the usual reasons but hardly any truth: "It's not you, it's me", "You're just too good and i dont deserve you"...you know, the usual lines. We had a month of denial, followed by a month of bitterness when i found out she was seeing someone else. After the nasty words were thrown around, we apologized, made peace, and went our separate ways.
Now, 6 months later, we haven't spoken a word to eachother except maybe a single "Hello, how's it going" online a few months ago. She went from being my absolute bestest friend to just no one. Is it possible for us to ever really be friends again? I think i'm over her for the most part but it hurts to think that someone who was my best friend for 3 years can just disappear and mean nothing. And if its possible, how should i approach it?
i know how you feel.. i am in the same predicament..... cept it hasn't been that long for me... she dumped me 1 and a 1/2 months ago.....i am not over her yet...... but it just doens't seem right that someone that you have been that close with can just eventually mean nothing to you.....it's kinda crazy to think about... i too wonder if my ex and i will "mean nothing" to eachother.... sure there will be memories... but without a friendship they will be just that.... memories.....
sorry i'm not much help... but i do wonder about the same thing your thinking about......
screw her....pull up your trousers and your diginity....there's plenty more where she came from....take your time....
I never understood the desire to be friends with someone who broke your heart. Why be friends with that person? What's the point? They are your past. Leave them there and find new friends.
eoe wrote:I never understood the desire to be friends with someone who broke your heart. Why be friends with that person? What's the point? They are your past. Leave them there and find new friends.
It's not leaving the person behind thats the problem, it's leaving what you had with the person behind.
Hehe....now isn't that just easier said then done....hehe
stand up for pessimism wrote:eoe wrote:I never understood the desire to be friends with someone who broke your heart. Why be friends with that person? What's the point? They are your past. Leave them there and find new friends.
It's not leaving the person behind thats the problem, it's leaving what you had with the person behind.
selective memory..works everytime....
we're sorta seeing the age differences here
3 younger
3 older
It doesn't make the moving on easier when you're young. Hearing about the realities just doesn't make them more palatable. It would be great if you could stay friends with all your ex's. It doesn't work for some people. Ever.
Casting no aspersions on present company, frequently it is the partner who was hurt who wants to sever all communication and the partner who did the hurting who doesn't understand, "Why can't we be friends?"
Why can't we be friends?
Because you hurt me...because you interfere with me being the best person I can be...because I cannot trust you... because you take and take and do not give me what I need...because I'm tired of giving.....because I'm tired of rages and tantrums and frequent bouts of gloom....
Friendship is not always an option.
I wouldn't write her any letters, call her, or try to contact her at all.
What's the point?
A) Hanging out with her will just arise old feelings on your part, which isn't going to help, because you're NOT getting back together with her. She dumped you for a reason.
B) Do you really think you could be "friends" with her? Are you going to talk to her about who she's banging, and stuff like that? Of course not, so it's not even possible to be good friends with her.
"Best way to get over someone, is to get under someone." Get a life and find your next ex.
God... you're all right. My ex-girlfriend dumped me 2 months ago, although the "story" didn't end up untill 4 weeks ago or something like that. After cutting communication with her I kind of healed and asked her out one time, just to see if we could have a nice chat. She says ok, but after a long conversation I found out that she has a boyfriend now... one that she dated before me, and during the process of breaking up.
I should post the situation one time... second time it happens to me, out of two! Yet I'm going through the same thing.
My guess is that people like to suffer sometimes. By being close to the person we "loved" we remind ourselves of the happy moments we shared, and we seem to forget everything bad that happened. We also make this illusion around ourselves that maybe one day we will be back again, or that she - in some way - is still ours (or a little part at least). This strange intentions are the ones that can't allow us to have a sincere friendship with the person, not one that helps both people.
Of course, It's not worth it. Maybe when time passes, we grow up, we get through it, and then we can turn to the past and analyze it again from a more mature point of view. Then we can recall those happy times with this person, but not with the rage-anger-hurt inside us... and not with the shady intentions of returning with her...
... I guess.
Noddy24 wrote:Casting no aspersions on present company, frequently it is the partner who was hurt who wants to sever all communication and the partner who did the hurting who doesn't understand, "Why can't we be friends?"
Why can't we be friends?
Because you hurt me...because you interfere with me being the best person I can be...because I cannot trust you... because you take and take and do not give me what I need...because I'm tired of giving.....because I'm tired of rages and tantrums and frequent bouts of gloom....
Friendship is not always an option.
That's some good stuff Noddy. Did you get that from a book or did you make that up yourself?
almach--
Credit the Book of Life, an English major and a glass and a half of white wine.
Thanks for the kind words.
So Noddy is a she?
Woah! Thought it was a he!
Mmm... might not be the only one that I'm bending its gender...
Phoenix--
You make me blush. Thank you.
el-pohl--
The Goddess smiles as you advance in wisdom.
el_pohl wrote:So Noddy is a she?
Woah! Thought it was a he!
Mmm... might not be the only one that I'm bending its gender...
I thought she was a he too. Good advice is good no matter who it comes from. I'm just a new kid on the block. I'll be looking forward to giving and recieving advice from you guys
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