Relationship worth saving?

Reply Thu 7 Sep, 2017 11:11 am
So I don't know where else to go but somewhere like this BC I'm desperate for advice. I've been with my girlfriend for a while and aside from some arguments that were sorted out within the day we've never really had any issues. I went on holiday with my family for a couple of weeks and she told me she missed me and was excited for me to come home. When I came home we only had two days to see eachother before she went on holiday too, she seemed very upset that we wouldn't see eachother for longer and even said she didn't want to go on holiday anymore. Anyway she went and everything was fine and we had a great day the day before she went but when she got there she regretted it almost instantly so I don't know if that's a factor in what was to come. After a couple of days being there she met this barman and ended up meeting up with him after he'd finished work, at this point she was so drunk she didn't know what was happening and he kept giving her more alcohol which leads me to believe that he just wanted her for sex. She told me that they went to the beach and they kissed but later on he attempted to rape her and when she told him to stop he refused. This upset me and made me angry and I initially forgave the kissing as I wanted to look after her and support her after such a horrible experience. After this she knew I was upset about her kissing him and decided that she needed time to think because although she wanted to stay with me she didn't want it to hurt me, I understood this and gave her time despite it being very difficult. After a few days and some talking here and there she told me that she had decided that it was worth sorting out so I was happy that we could move on. However later in the week I found out she was with him again but at a restaurant (I believed her as I could see her location on Snapchat) so they didn't do anything together. He did however take her phone and message me and send me pictures which upset me and hit me very hard. I discussed what happened with her the next day and she told me they just talked about what had happened and he took her phone and said he'd sort it out. After this I asked her if she still loved me and if she still wanted to be with me and she told me yes and yes so I asked if she would stop contact with him as i don't trust him and am worried he would hurt her but she wouldn't agree. She told me that she liked him and was confused and didn't know what to do and I was obviously very upset and very angry. She's told her best friend who I've talked to about this that she's only kissed him and she doesn't know what to do but she thinks she wants to come back to turkey to see him later in the year. She's told me again that she still loves me and wants to be with me but I can't help but think that she's keeping me at arm's length just incase he doesn't want her when she goes home. She's also mentioned to someone that she might consider him her boyfriend.

I didn't realise that she could do something like this as we both thought we'd spend our lives together and nothing could change that. I still love her and I'm struggling with the situation and just want to talk to her about it. I'd love to make it work but I don't know what to do as it hurts so much and I don't know if I should forgive her. I still think that what we had before was amazing and if it could go back to that after all this then it's worth saving but I need advice and that's why I've come here. I know that if I decide to forgive her then a lot of my friends will think I'm stupid and it'll take time but I think that we were meant to be together and that we can move past this and be even stronger after a while.
Thanks in advance for any thoughts on what I should do
Reply Thu 7 Sep, 2017 02:52 pm
You do sound like her backup plan.

Maybe tell her that's unacceptable and see what happens. It'll probably end, BTW, but it's probably going to end, anyway. You might as well be the one to precipitate that.
0 Replies
Reply Thu 7 Sep, 2017 03:37 pm
This girl is confused and can't make up her mind. She seems to love the one she is with.

You can be patient and let her find her way, or you can put your foot down and demand she either commit to you or let you go.

Bartenders are nortorious for flirting and picking up vulnerable girls. She will find out she is probably one of several girls he sees.

May I ask your ages?
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